NewfieEd Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Hi there, I met a girl on Bumble and we had a very good, funny and flirtatious conversation for a couple of days and decided to meet on Saturday. I’m 35, never married, no kids, she was 40, divorced with two kids. We met for supper at a nice restaurant, we shared great conversation, she tasted my drink, we laughed and had fun for 2 hours. As we were leaving I asked would she like to go for a drink, she said ok but asked me if I was good to drive, (I had two drinks in the 2 hours and felt fine and said I was) I asked her back to my place and she agreed, we went back and had a glass of wine, made out a few times then she told me she needed to get a cab home because she had her kids in the morning. Which was fine. When she got home she told me she had a great night through text with a smile. Lunch time the next day she wrote me and said “thanks for the great night but I don’t think we are compatible and I don’t think I’m ready for dating yet” she is 2 months out of a 1-2 year relationship. I’m certain her biggest reason for saying that was probably for an easy let down but I just don’t understand why she would come back to my place, make out etc and 12 hours later tell me it won’t work. I’ve just never had a date go so well and then such a sudden change of heart. What could be the biggest reasons for this? She was never interested or something changed? We have mutual friends, maybe something they said?
Wiseman2 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 34 minutes ago, NewfieEd said: I asked her back to my place and she agreed, we went back and had a glass of wine, made out a few times . the next day she wrote me and said “thanks for the great night but I don’t think we are compatible and I don’t think I’m ready for dating yet” Sorry this happened. Unfortunately it seems like too much too soon. She may have regrets and realized she's not ready to jump into anything. She may be on/off with her ex.
ShyViolet Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 No one here can tell you what her reasons were. We are not mind readers and not inside her head. Even though the date seemed to go well and she seemed into you, things like this happen all the time. For whatever reason she decided that she didn't see you as a potential dating partner. Don't over-analyze this too much, just move on.
Giovane Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, NewfieEd said: but I just don’t understand why she would come back to my place, make out etc and 12 hours later tell me it won’t work. I’ve just never had a date go so well and then such a sudden change of heart. She came back to your place because she was enjoying herself with you that evening, which, unfortunately, does not automatically mean she wishes to continue seeing you on a regular basis. Maybe she wanted to „test the waters“ and see what it feels like to spend an hour at your apartment with you. It‘s only natural: when you‘re not sure how you‘re feeling about somebody or something, you give it a try. It‘s an experiment. The next morning, the results of the experiment were in: on the whole, she didn‘t feel good about going down that path. There‘s no way for you to know what the specific reasons were, it‘s all speculation. Like ShyViolet said, don‘t over-analyze (what‘s the use?), and move on.
JTSW Posted April 19, 2023 Posted April 19, 2023 She was trying to get to know you to see if you shared a spark. But she didn't feel it. Don't read too much into it. Just accept and respect her decision.
OurLoveTurnsToRust Posted April 19, 2023 Posted April 19, 2023 Maybe your breath smelled like sh** and she couldn't tell you. Honestly, who knows, who cares, just move on and don't let this experience jade you from finding someone else compatible.
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2023 Posted April 20, 2023 Sometimes people just get a little too thirsty and go for soda in the moment. Once she sobered up or came down from the dopamine high she realized this was a one time fun night, and she truly doesn't feel an emotional connection or whatever. It happens.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 20, 2023 Posted April 20, 2023 Yes, I think you're making this overly complicated. Sometimes we make out with someone just because we're relaxed and there is no obvious barrier or red flag to warn us away from doing so. Doesn't mean I will feel great about it in the morning. Doesn't mean I'm ready for a relationship. And the biggest reason is likely just what she said. Two months out of a 1 to 2 year relationship is not a long time. Some people can date smartly with only a 1 or 2 month break on a year-old relationship. Many other people (I would say most) need more time. You're 35--time for you to know that information--that people hang on the exes emotionally sometimes quite long after the relationship is officially over. You break up with someone--that's one thing. But you still have emotional habits of thinking about them, calling them. And you're still processing what went wrong in the relationship. If you were dumped, your ego is still in pain and also in confusion. Most dumped people don't see the breakup coming. Recovering from a breakup can easily take a good year itself for many people. It's also smart to avoid dating when in pain from previous relationship. You want to clear out that pain--and not feel so scared and negative and wounded as you start with a new person. So there are a lot of reasons to trust her words. On compatibility, I don't know. But I would say this. Anyone past 30 who is only a month or two out of a serious relationship, red flag for me. I don't think they're ready to date. And this was true for me after breakups even when I thought I was ready to date. 1
Foxhall Posted April 20, 2023 Posted April 20, 2023 Shes probably thinking of doing you a favour, your five years younger-still time to meet someone single and have your own family, she is conscious of the baggage you would have to potentially endure and feels best not let things go any further.
Mrin Posted April 21, 2023 Posted April 21, 2023 1-2 months out of a LTR? Yikes. All she's ready for right now is casual dating and/or sex at best. She needs time to heal. 1
Gaeta Posted April 21, 2023 Posted April 21, 2023 (edited) On 4/18/2023 at 4:50 PM, NewfieEd said: I just don’t understand why she would come back to my place, make out etc and 12 hours later tell me it won’t work. Because that's what people do when they're 2 months out of a relationship. If I were you I would have never been on a date with her, stay away from people freshly out of relationships Edited April 21, 2023 by Gaeta
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2023 Posted April 21, 2023 (edited) On 4/18/2023 at 4:50 PM, NewfieEd said: I asked her back to my place and she agreed, we went back and had a glass of wine, made out a few times then she told me she needed to get a cab home This seems like she was honest and it's 99.9% her stuff. However even asking a woman to your place on the first meet could land you in the " another guy just looking for hookups" basket. And change her mind about going forward with you. Edited April 21, 2023 by Wiseman2 1
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