westernxer Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 BTW...My question was not does he love me?....it was how do I not put him on a pedestal. That's something you'll have to figure out on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 When was the divorce final Beth ..It wasn't married is married.... I am beginning to think that you don't want to get over this man.. WHY ?? Okay.. Beth.. I won't post anymore since you seem to want to Contact this Di*k.. and my tough love isn't working.. I think that you need to take westys advice and call him .. then post how bad it will make you feel.. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 To beth5201 and everyone else on this thread I NEED CLARITY! WHO ON EARTH IS THIS GUY BETH IS SO ADDICTED TO? Please what spell does he have over you. It's out of control, beth. We all have been advising you and listening to you but you don't seem to take it all in. I don't understand what this guy has over you. Why do you need or want to hang on to him? Despite all your protests YOU haven't budged. Sorry. That's how it's looking here. What's so special about this man. I don't understand. Do any of you out there understand this. Art Critic is this addiction. John John, why is beth no grasping this man is not good for her. Wow, I thought you were doing so well going out on a date and starting a new page...what happened?!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jomaxfury Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Beth, Thank you for taking the time when I pm'ed you about two weeks ago about my relationship with my ex. Remember Jerry Springer,LOL! You gave me such great advice about how God put's people in our life and take them out. Just say a prayer...Because God's understands our ex's don't. You showed me that! I know sometimes is hard to follow our own advice, but please rationalize the situation! Just ask God for strength, because he gave it to me! Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 He's magical because you put him on a pedestal. Amen to that. It is too easy to idealize what you have lost, without looking at the cold, hard facts. The easiest way to get him off the pedestal, is to write down the five worst things he ever did and you cannot, or should not forgive, rate them on a pain scale of 1-10, and think about how your friends and family would react if they knew about those things. Those who put people on pedestals always get trampled. You are putting them above you, making them more valuable than your own precious life and wellbeing, putting them first and your own needs last. You are setting yourself up for more punishment. It's being a doormat, sorry to sound harsh, but there it is. Stick to the NC. Five weeks ain't bad, you're doing good. Sentimentality is too easy when you're being wistful about what you lost. I repeat, make that list, keep it somewhere handy and when you start doing the pedestal thing, whip it out and read it. It could take months, probably will, but it WILL get easier if you learn to look after your own needs FIRST. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnJohn Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 To beth5201 and everyone else on this thread. I NEED CLARITY! WHO ON EARTH IS THIS GUY BETH IS SO ADDICTED TO? John John, why is beth no grasping this man is not good for her. IMHO - I think she's going through something that I myself am going through this weekend - a relapse. I just started dating someone new and now I realize that it won't work out so I am naturally comparing it to my ex and it has stirred up all those feelings for the ex again. Beth previously mentioned something to this effect with the new person she has been dating. I could be wrong, but this is just my thoughts. Something like that can send you into a tailspin. That fear of never finding love again sets in because of this recent disappointment. This is where it gets tough and you must keep your head high and be more courageous than ever before. It's difficult, I know, but you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Very true, JJ. My "rebound" relationship is causing one disappointment after another and all it makes me want to do is contact the ex. I spent all weekend fighting sending a txt, a desire I thought had passed. It seems to be stronger now than ever... Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 From everything I read beth5201 you are clearly a sensitive and beautiful woman. It is sad to know that you are so attached to the relationship with your ex, and cannot move forward in your life. SO much of your rtime is spent thinking of his motives and your reactions are so closely tied to his actions regardless if he doesn't do anything. I wish only for you to find the inner strength to release yourself from this mental bondage. Because you have indeed imprisoned yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 well....thanks to everyone on here yesterday telling me he does not love me, I ended up contacting the ex. Good things came from it and he was very sweet to me. Got a lot of answers and I know now that we feel the same pretty much, but there are reasons we will not work right now.......I am breaking from LS...all I seem to do is piss people off and vice versa. I thank all of you for the support you have given me and I now know what I need to do with myself. I will still be around, but will not bother anyone with my stories.....There are about 4 people on here who I PM that really get me, so I will turn to them......one thing you all need to see is that you do not know anyone on here or the people they post about......do not go around making rude and heartless assumptions when you have no clue....it does more harm than good. In my case, however, it ended up hurting me yesterday and helping me today! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Did he tell you he loved you? I'd like to know the reasons why it won't work out. No matter. At least you're feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 of course he did.....thanks for all the help. I have to follow my heart. I am still going to date, but I am at ease knowing that the tension is not there anymore and we can remain in touch...and it will not consume my head if he is mad at me or dating or whatever....I have all my questions answered. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 i'm pleasantly surprised at what happened, beth5201, and relieved that it brought it you pleasure and not more pain. my ex and i broke NC after some weeks and instead of it being an excruciating experience, it was very positive. he acknowledged feelings for me he had firmly denied for a long time. the closeness we enjoyed was still there, the emotional connectedness was alive and well. i felt so much better afterwards. go figure. before that, i had felt stuck in the loss, anger and pain. i knew it was still over, but didn't mind so much. some healing had taken place. i had put him on a pedestal, but he sure as hell wasn't during that last meeting, and i felt stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts