Jetty Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 I am having an afair with a lucious beautiful man. We are both married. The sex is amazing.We are falling in love. He hates his wife. My husband is a terrific guy, totally in love with me, but I'm not attracted to him. He literally resuced me from a violent relationship, I married him because I thought that I owed it to him. I never intended to hurt him What should I do?
Bryanp Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Hello, You say your husband is a terrific guy, yet you apparently have no problems having sex behind his back with another married man and putting his health at risk for STD's. Does your husband really deserve this humiliation and disrespect that you are giving him? How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Maybe it is hard to imagine because he has too much love and respect for you? I suggest that you tell your husband so he can divorced you and find another woman who can truly love and respect him because surely you are unable to do so. I think you and your other married man are perfect for each other. He apparently has no problem cheating on his wife and his marriage to have sex with another married woman who can also cheat on her husband. You sound perfect for each other.
JayKay Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 If this married man 'hates his wife' why is he still with her? Read the 'Other Woman' threads and see how common this tale of woe from married men is. Many married men also tell the other woman; * That she is his 'soul mate' * That he is in love with her * That he has never felt this way for anyone * That if only things were different.... * That he will leave his wife 'someday' Oh, and sex is always fantastic when it is forbidden. I think you need to end your marriage. And I would be curious to see if the married man remains available to you once you are free to be in a deeper relationship.
In Like Flynn Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 This has hit and run or better yet One and Done written all over it!!
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 You should be posting this in the OW/OM forum. Anyway, you need to divorce your husband - Let him find a woman who will love just him. And I would be curious to see if the married man remains available to you once you are free to be in a deeper relationship. I agree. Right now you're in "LUST" not love. You're living a fun fantasy, all is happy and good ... You don't get the daily in's and out's of life with this OM. You don't have to put with family, inlaw's, money problems, house problems, moods, death, sickness, a history together and children! Ofcourse things are wonderful for you and this OM! The feelings you have are probably very intense and purely emotional. It's borderline obessed love and sexual lust combined. What happens when that stops...IS it enough? Does and will he love you like your "wonderful" husband does? Maybe go and read some threads in this section and also in the OW/OM section...See what others go through and then decide if you want this OM or not...
TMCM Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 I suspect that your H may have been the previous OM while you were in your violent relationship. Now there is a new OM 'rescuing' you from an unattractive man, your H. Do you see a pattern here? You go from one relationship to another without taking any time in between to emotionally heal before going on to the next one. Continue with this pattern and your relationship failures will continue unabated. Lastly, do you want to test your OM's love for you? Stop having sex with him and tell him that you will only resume the sex until AFTER both of you divorce your respective spouses. Chances are very good that he will dump you and go on to the next available, vulnerable woman. Try it and find out once and for all if his love is truly real or he is just using you for the sex. TMCM
Sami_D Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 I am having an afair with a lucious beautiful man. We are both married. The sex is amazing.We are falling in love. He hates his wife. My husband is a terrific guy, totally in love with me, but I'm not attracted to him. He literally resuced me from a violent relationship, I married him because I thought that I owed it to him. I never intended to hurt him What should I do? You married him because you thought you owed it to him? Not a great basis for a marriage. Is that really the only reason, or does it just seem like that now? Are you hoping that something will happen with the man you're having an affair with? Just because the sex is amazing and you're falling in love, doesn't mean anything is going anywhere. How does he feel? Sounds to me like it would be a good idea to sit down and think about your life, your goals, and how you can avoid making hasty decisions which involve other people that are based entirely on emotion and the needs of the moment.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 What should I do? Get a divorce, go on a man sabbatical and get counseling/therapy to figure out how to identify and fix that gaping hole of emptiness inside you that has led you here. I wager you'll find a much happier life for yourself when you pinpoint why it is you find yourself in abusive relationships and relationships with men who are emotionally unavailable, and are unable to return love to men who are emotionally available. I think you are "in love" with this guy because he is a self fulfilling prophecy that perpetuates your masochistic need to have your ego crushed, and a need to find yourself the 'victim' time and again. The things we need are not always good for us - its like a crackhead 'needs' crack. We tend to stick with things that we know, and it sounds like you know painful and ultimately unfulfilling things in your life in terms of your relationships and you subconsciously lead yourself into those same sorts of relationships because it is known to you and less frightening to you than the unknown.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 You need to get a divorce and quit leading your h on to believing that everything is fine and that you two are perfectly fine with one another .. Obviously you don't love your h or you wouldn't do this to him !!! Good luck
Yikes Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Cut your husband free. Now. If you care anything for the man at all, DON'T treat him with such disrespect. Continuing to cheat is a recipe for disaster for everyone involved. It's not a good feeling being used by the woman who promised to love you forever... I know, Ive been there. I am still angry with my ex for that. I'm not judging you, but be a grown up and do the right thing. Good luck. Yikes
Tristram Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I agree completly with yikes. How would you like it if someone what you are doing to your husband to you? OH, and JayKay is right, the whole "I hate my wife" crap is just a line to get in your pants.
michelangelo Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I agree. Get a divorce and free this man you don't repect or love and seem to not mind exposing to STDs. And do not even consider getting spousal support. Free him for someone better than you are behaving. And once you are done doing that? Reflect upon yourself and do not get involved with any unavailable man. Solo sex until you are ready to behave decently.
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