malachai Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 well, like many other people here, i have been reading a lot of the posts on this board, and have really appreciated the advice, words of strength, and empathy. even though i've read so much good advice on here, i'd wish to share my story because it hurts way too much. i'm 28 years old, and just got out of a 4-month relationship with my first ever girlfriend. it's been better some days, but some days are black and empty, and utterly hopeless. here is the thing that makes it so hard: i lack friends. i have one close friend that i have known for many years, and have become friends with his girlfriend/fiance over the last couple of years, but as you know, a single person really can’t spend much time with friends that are married (or soon to be). i have been without friends for years, and have suffered depression from it. i am really a likable guy, and people tend to get along with me great, but i don't have friends. i spend pretty much all my time by myself. so, i met a girl (29) through this couple and we hit it off great. she originally lived in my state, but had lived the last few years in another. she moved back right around the time we started seeing each other, and after about a month, "unofficially" moved in with me. she confessed a lot of feelings and love for me over the four months, words i still view as genuine. i was actually the one who took some time to warm up in the relationship, but when i did things were good. and for someone that spent life in a silent chamber, it was bliss. well, after four months, things ended. we never fought, not once. not about leaving the lid off the peanut butter, not about what one said to the other, nothing. not until the week before we split. she loved me, but i kind of felt that she hadn’t really expressed interest in my life, getting to know who i was in those hard-to-know ways, my interests and the like. she cared for me, but those things were generally lacking. so i asked if she was only in the relationship for the support, the comfort, etc. you see, she had had a tough time finding good work out here, finding friends and finding herself. she had been in a really rough relationship for a few years that ended only 3 months before meeting me. and her past is really rough. a lot of guys she had been with had been really bad to her. i was really the complete opposite of that. i was good to her, listened to her, but never suffocating, never trying to lead her out of her past, never trying to save her. but now, she is moving back away, and things are done. i tried to rationally work through it. i wanted it to work. but she said those famous and jacked-up words, i love you, but am not in love with you. she said that she probably had used me in a time when she needed someone like me. she said i was a great boyfriend, that i couldn’t have done anything better. but she is moving back now and is going to face her skeletons, through counseling and living where she feels comfortable. i know that she will miss us, or maybe i'm just hoping. who knows? but what she felt before was genuine even if it changed at some point. anyway, what makes all of this so unbearable is that i'm missing a really key ingredient in getting past this breakup. they say time and friends are the antidote. but all i am left with is time, and time has always been the fluorescent light on a life i am all too sick of.
downcydeguy Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 This really sucks man but you don't really want to be somebody's rebound do you? I give her a lot of credit for telling you exactly what she's going through. Being open and honest is an extreme rarity. Time is definitely the only antidote for this. Maybe join a gym or sign up on a dart or billiards' team to meet new people and make time go a little faster. This forum is a great help so check back often.
Author malachai Posted November 6, 2005 Author Posted November 6, 2005 she was open and honest about her past from the beginning...i didn't think it through and what problems i would have to face going up against it. i don't regret getting involved with her at all, though. i learned a lot from this relationship, and it boosted by self estemm immeasurably. i guess i probably should've not let it progress so fast, with her moving in so soon after meeting me. but it was a friend gesture, she didn't have a place to stay after moving here. she could've stayed w/ my friends since she had been really good friends with the girl, and that was a large part of her moving back. but it was nice having someone to love and to fill a space in my life that had been unfilled for so many years. it sucks, because it feels like there won't ever be another person to accept my circumstances and be good with it. it's funny that you mention a billiard's club, because after the breakup i started looking for clubs i could join that would help meeting new people, but all the one's around here don't seem to be things i'm interested in. but i look pool so i think i might look into that.
Author malachai Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 well i have been doing the non-contact thing from my end, but have still been answering calls from her end simply because she has a couple of things at my house that she still needs to pick up. she called tonight to say that she will swing by tomorrow to get her stuff. i have told her for the last couple of weeks that she needs to get it when i am not around because i don't want to see her. not because i hate her, but because it hurts too much and i need to move on, despite the obvious torch i still hold for her. what gets me is how indifferent she is right now. like this breakup doesn't phase her whatsoever. how in the world can she act like that??! she may have fell out of love with me, but can she honestly not be moved whatsoever?? she knows that i showed her a better life and helped her understand that she can live a better life, that she deserves all that is good for her. so why is she so non-chalant about the whole thing? does anybody have any answers for this? i don't understand it all...
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 heh maaan you have it so good... from this point on i think its best to recognize exactly what has been done... i admire the girl for actually telling you the truth about everything... sure the love u but not in love line is trite and really hurts more than anything else but she left you with a nice clean break. although i say this.. you must feel like crap. i know exactly how you feel. ive been alone most of my life too. and although im still a child ... not even 18 yet ... although getting pretty close... i know what it feels like. being in that cold dark and lonely place isn't very fun. i really do sympathize with your feelings... so far .. this feeling is the worst ive ever had to experience in my lifetime, and im sure its one of the worst of yours too...<sigh> if you want to know at all what happened to me i have decided to make a thread. be warned.. its a long and boring story
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