downcydeguy Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 I've read a lot of posts on here about break-ups occuring through email or phone. My ex did it over the phone from a 1000 miles away knowing there was no chance of seeing or hearing from me. I'm just wondering what you all think is the best route for breaking up. I have always felt that it is cowardly and disrespectful to end a relationship not being face to face. I know there are always exceptions, but I'm referring to the typical break-up
JohnJohn Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Define typical breakup. lol I agree that it is cowardish to do it in e-mail or over the phone. I think it also depends on the seriousness of the relationship and your methods of communicating. For example, in my lastest breakup it ended through e-mail (by her) even though I was contemplating getting out anyway. Looking back at the relationship, she could not communicate hardly at all and even admitted greatly fearing confrontation. Lack of communication on her behalf is what started me questioning if I could be in a "one-way" relationship communication wise. Instead of communicating, she'd retreat to her cave and would just hope things would blow over. Therfore I am not surprised at how things ended now. Anyway, my point is that individuals that lack communication skills and/or fear confrontation are highly likely to end the relationship via e-mail or phone because it is safer for them that way, even though perhaps disrespectful and cowardish to you and I. Perhaps this isn't the case in all relationships that end that way, but IMHO it is in a significant amount of them. Definitely a red flag to be looked at. How was your ex at communicating?
Author downcydeguy Posted November 6, 2005 Author Posted November 6, 2005 She and I were very open with communication throughout the entire relationship...although she did hold back at times. However, we had always agreed that if extenuating circumstances ever caused us to part ways, it would be done in person. She agreed that it was completely disrespectful to do it otherwise and had given multiple examples of her various friends' experiences. She'll be back from Spain around xmas so there is no chance of communication before then. (outside of her calling me or making the effort to get to her email) I've been seriously contemplating sending her an email with nothing included except a request to have her show me the respect of closing this chapter face to face. I assume she would read it sometime between now and when she gets back or simply when she gets back.
sundrop Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 My take on it is... If you still care about the person and care about their feelings, as hard as it maybe, face to face is the best. I agree over the phone or email, is insensative, rude, disrespectful and cold.
slubberdegullion Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Face to face is best for both parties, because it allows for fewer misunderstandings. Of course, that may not apply if the other party is experienced in the fine art of knife or firearm attack...
d'Arthez Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 It also depends on the quality of the relationship. Face-to-face may not be the smartest move, if you are in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. But if you are deadset on this decision, you should let her know about the issues you have / experience in the relationship. She should know that not all is well, so that she does not looks forward to returning "home" again, only to find out with 48 hours that she is boyfriendless, and completely taken by surprise for that.
Author downcydeguy Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 I apologize for not being clearer on the situation I guess. As I stated in the initial post, SHE already broke up with me - over the phone 3 weeks ago. I feel this was cowardly and against everything her and I had ever talked about when it came to breaking up. As I mentioned, she's in Spain until xmas and I cannot contact her. I'm wanting to know of your opinions on how breakups are handled (by phone, email, text, etc.) and which worked best for you or how you feel it should have been handled. I just feel insulted by my ex's decision to end it from a thousand miles away. We had a great relationship till the day she left town. No abusiveness whatsoever, minimal fighting, etc., which is why I am confused by what/how she ended it.
mini696 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Send her a text message! Thats happend to me twice by the same person. Worst invention ever!!
d'Arthez Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 You asked a general question, to which I replied with one important situation, when it is not wise to break up face-to-face. For the obvious complications. Would you want to lead anyone on for about two months, only then to dump the other the first thing you did when you got home? I doubt it. As for the insult - would you have preferred to wait until Christmas, getting all excited to spend the time together, only to hear a week prior that she has broken up with you? I doubt it. It would make for a very miserable Christmas for you. And flying back and forth from Spain to home, only to break up with you, is not classy at all either. You would still be wondering why she did that, and ask many unpleasant questions. For yourself and her. And there are those question you do not even have the courage to ask - only to drive yourself insane with the questions and the possible answers afterward. That is not an exciting prospect for you either, now is it? Now, the phone might seem low, but it is not exactly the case that she could drive within the course of 30 minutes to get to you, and end the relationship. I understand the sentiment, but I also understand her reasoning, regardless of what might have happened. Has she at least agreed to meet you or talk with you after she has returned? Thats happend to me twice by the same person. Worst invention ever!! The cell phone, or that person?
Author downcydeguy Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Has she at least agreed to meet you or talk with you after she has returned? This is what I requested during her breakup call but was refused. She said she had nothing to say about it and that was it. I haven't heard a single word since. But yes, you are right about this being her only option. I have a really good gal pal that tells me that she thinks that she is wanting to fool around there with no guilt and will try to work things out when she gets back. This enrages me to be "put on hold" and she's in for a rude awakening if that ends up being the case.
d'Arthez Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 I have a really good gal pal that tells me that she thinks that she is wanting to fool around there with no guilt and will try to work things out when she gets back. This enrages me to be "put on hold" and she's in for a rude awakening if that ends up being the case. That was what I was thinking too, to be honest. You don't throw a good relationship away for nothing. Something must have happened, and whether it is drunk cheating, or the desire to pursue different men for the time being, who knows. Perhaps nothing happened, but then her reaction to your request seems weird at best. The best way to deal with it is to heal from the relationship, so that by the time she gets back, you would have no problem to deal with her in a proper and calm fashion. You are not obliged in any way to take her back, should she desire so. She has given you the perfect reason why you should not even consider that, ever.
mini696 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 The cell phone' date=' or that person?[/quote'] Well I was thinking the cell phone (SMS in particular), but then I have had many many more positive experiences using them. I agree that there is no point in leading someone on for weeks or months if the only way you have to contact them is by phone.
Author downcydeguy Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 That's my thinking right now too. It's been 3 weeks and I miss her terribly, but I'm not her pet that she can lock in a room until she's ready to see me. When she gets home (Dec. 22nd), it will be over 2 months of NC. When I had asked her about seeing me when she gets back during that final phone call, she said something along the lines of "that's only 2 months, I won't be ready by then!". B.S. She's already sleeping with somebody else so she shouldn't have any problem when she gets back. Anyway, d'A, you're right. She's given me a good enough reason to not give her the time of day. Thanks.
chocolate_boy Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Thats happend to me twice by the same person. Worst invention ever!! Me too, by a girl that was apparently head-over-heels for me and wanted to spend every second of the day and when we hit a rough patch, she just ends it via SMS.. how very hurtful and confusing.
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