I'm depressed and lost

[Miss Demeanor]

Hi all

I don't know if any of you have been in my situation. I need some advice please and if you can direct me to threads with stories similar to mine, I'd really appreciate it. This forum is really big, and I'm feeling lost.

 

Well, I'm a married woman, and I met this married man online, in a forum. that was 2 yeare ago. Now we chat online and we also use a webcam. I can't stop thinking about him. I'm addicted to something here, I don't know if it's him or the internet, or both. My hubby suspects something, but he hasn't confronted me about it. He just say some things that makes me think he's suspecting an affair on my part.

I'm 42 yrs old, could it be midlife crisis? What's wrong with me? why can't I stop talking to that man???? I have tried to stop the emails and the chats, yet I keep coming back, and I feel miserable, depressed and guilty. Please help before hubby install a kelogger and find out about it

[Yamaha]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t70707/

[Miss Demeanor]

Thank you Yamaha. I also want to add that I had no physical contact with my married man, he lives in a different state, and although I visited his state twice this year, and he wanted us to meet, I did resist the temptation and refused to meet him.

I'm a good person, and I want to stop doing this to my hubby and kids. Is therapy useful in this case? The emotional attachment is very deep, I live for this man's emails and Pms... and I can't take it anymore.

[Miss Demeanor]

Guys, he's online right now. I can see him on MSN but he can't see me. My status is set to "appear offline" and I wanna talk to him... so bad... What should I do? take 2 tylenol pm that will knock me out in no time and go to bed?

[whichwayisup]

Turn off your msn NOW. Keep venting here for as long as you need, but do not check your email or turn on your msn again tonight. Then, go to bed, put on the TV and put him OUT of your head. (If you have to, take the tylenol PM.)

 

Good luck and please do your best not to IM him. I think you'll regret it.

[Miss Demeanor]

Thank you whichwayisup. I signed out of MSN. It hurts a lot. I hate it How am I gonna do this every night? Oh God...

[Outcast]

Like any addiction, you have to go cold turkey and don't turn back. Find something else to take up that time. Start a new hobby. People are into making scrapbooks, photography, stamps, etc. Work on house projects. Start a dinner club for couples or for you and some gal pals.

 

It will be hard at first but will get better as time goes on as long as you keep your resolve and don't give in.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Maybe you should keep asking yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him? I doubt you would like to be disrespected the way you are disrespecting your husband. Maybe it is time for you to be honest with your husband instead of keeping this secret from him. Ask yourself if this internet affair is worth you being divorced. I wish you luck.

[Aquarius Guy]

When teh urge to talk arises, find something different to do.

 

Arrange with husband:

 

"We need a list of silly thigns to do together. Sometimes I get in a mood to be silly. So we need to have an agreed upon list of silly things:

 

1. Take a shower together.

 

2. Let me rant, and you not really hold me to anything I say, just humor me along, till I am finished out.

 

3. Play Hearts.

 

4. Move your fingers around to all my back accupressure points.

 

5. Go for a walk.

 

6. Hold hands while we watch TV.

 

Like your handle!

 

Blessings

[whichwayisup]

7. Have sex.

8. Watch afew scary movies on DVD(0r comedies) together.

9. Actually GO to a movie and make out during it!

[whichwayisup]

Thank you whichwayisup. I signed out of MSN. It hurts a lot. I hate it How am I gonna do this every night? Oh God...

Take a break from the online thing. If you need to be online, start a fresh MSN list without him on it. But I think you being online less will help you more.

 

Keep busier and DO things with your friends/family. The more you put him out of your head the less he'll creep into your thoughts.

 

And keep posting on LS. Check out posts in the other area's - That will be kinda fun too for you. (Well, obviously on the more fun threads, not the serious ones...)

[sylviaguardian]

You need to find out why you are doing this. There is something missing in your life that needs addressing. Until you do so, you will struggle to break this addiction.

 

At the moment you are living in a fantasy world. Is this man married also? Does he know that you are married? Either way, he does not appear to be a very nice person. What do you actually know about this man? Are you just projecting a fantasy onto him.

 

Let's face facts. To be smsing and webcaming with a married woman probably means that the guy is a bit sleazy. Probably it's not the first time he has done this.

[Yikes]

You REALLY need to talk to your husband. Obviously you are not getting something that you need in your relationship with your husband. TALK TO HIM! Don't hint, don't beat around the bush - spell it out if you have to, but do it with respect. Your marriage is clearly in trouble. If you don't tell him what's wrong then you rob him of the ability to try to fix things.

 

I agree 100% with whichwayisup. Change your MSN identity. NOW.

 

Your marriage is guaranteed to fail if you cheat, and make no mistake, what you are doing with this man IS cheating.

 

My advice to you is cut all ties with OM immediately, talk to your husband, put ALL of your heart and all of your energy into your marriage and see how that goes.

 

I hope things go well for you.

 

Yikes

[Aquarius Guy]

Dear Miss Demeanor,

 

Have you ever given your husband a copy of Barbara DeAngelis book, WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW?

 

There are a number of romantic tips. I got it from the library. Print out the Love Diet for H:

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=010377#000006

 

Some women have reported amazing changes in their husbands and marriage after H read the book, or even just THE LOVE DIET paragraphs.

 

Blessings

[Miss Demeanor]

Thank you so much for all the replies. You guys are amazing. Some of you really hit the nail on the head.

 

 

Like any addiction, you have to go cold turkey and don't turn back.

 

It will be hard at first but will get better as time goes on as long as you keep your resolve and don't give in.

I'll try. It's very hard, but I have to do it. I can't live like this anymore.

You need to find out why you are doing this. There is something missing in your life that needs addressing.

True.

Until you do so, you will struggle to break this addiction.

I don't know what's missing in my life.

 

At the moment you are living in a fantasy world.

Yes I am.

Is this man married also?

yes he is, with children.

Does he know that you are married?

yes he knows.

Either way, he does not appear to be a very nice person.

I feel bad for his wife and kids. They deserve better.

What do you actually know about this man?

first name, place of work, cell phone number, what he does for a living

Are you just projecting a fantasy onto him.

I think I am..

 

Let's face facts. To be smsing and webcaming with a married woman probably means that the guy is a bit sleazy. Probably it's not the first time he has done this.

He says it's the first time and I'm the only one, but who knows? I agree on the sleazy part.

 

Guys, hubby is never home at night. So forget about going out, massages, watching DVDs etc...He works night shifts

 

Please more replies, this is very helpful. I already sense a shift in my way of thinking.

[MustB1]

If your marriage is important enough, have hubby start looking for a day job. Idle hands leave for idle minds. YOU are bored the internet is an easy fix for boredom!

 

Finding yourself sexually attracted to the newness of anyone/thing is normal but having an affair can ruin so many lives, and you are having an affair. It is doubtful YOU are his first, it is doubtful you will be his last.

You need to make your husband understand how important it is for you to have his company!!! He can get another job, no matter how many excuses you throw at it, he can get another job.

 

 

You husband and you need to date eachother. Look online for marriage building tips and start sending some links to your H also.

[michelangelo]

cold turkey, stop IMing this guy or webcamming.

 

Are you having online sex with him?

 

Reconnect sexually with your husband.

 

If you have to, masturbate. No shame in that, just don't involve another person.

 

Try to readjust both yours and your husband's schedules.

 

Tell him of your loneliness.

 

Hang in there.

[Miss Demeanor]

cold turkey, stop IMing this guy or webcamming.

 

Are you having online sex with him?

Oh nonono. I would NEVER do such a thing

 

Try to readjust both yours and your husband's schedules.

Can't be done

 

Tell him of your loneliness.

he knows

[sylviaguardian]

Guys, hubby is never home at night. So forget about going out, massages, watching DVDs etc...He works night shifts

 

Seems like this is a very BIG part of the problem. You can't have an emotional relationship if you don't actually see each other. You are going to have to find ways of spending some pleasant time together.

 

Missdemeanour - you sound lonely. Probably THAT's whats missing in your life. You and your h need to find ways to re-connect, but in the meantime you need to look at ways of feeling positive about yourself that don't involve this man. Can you go out with friends or something?

 

Sylvia