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Posted

My girlfriend and I just had a big fight. I have been divorced for over a year and a half, and when my Ex used to get sick, she would behave as if she were on her deathbed for weeks at a time. I can recall a bad flu where my ex was in bed for nearly three months most of the day (I worked full-time, she did not work). I can be emotionally caring and supportive for a week or two, but after this, my empathy begins to run out. Well my GF has been sick for about a week, and I guess my empathy has been trailing off. When she complained tonight that she felt that I had not acted very caring, I told her that I felt that she was emotinally needy, and I pretty much felt like I could not deal with this anymore. In my defense, I had checked on her and she was sleeping. When she got up, I did heat up some home-made soup I had made for her. During the past week, I have assumed all the household duties (including hers). Also, during the past year I have been sick as well, although my down time has never exceeded three days.

 

I acknowledge that part of this problem is due to my emotional baggage dealing with my EX, but at the same time, I feel emotionally drained from this past experience.

Posted

I would say your commitment is lacking. You see it as a burden that she is putting on you. I would wonder if you are really ready for a g/f as you seem to still have issues you need to resolve. All people are not your ex and you need to realize that and not jump to conclusions. Maybe you need to stay single until you can and want to handle anymore responsibility.

Posted

Getting someone soup and bringing them water and/or juice isn't alot to ask when they're sick. It's when they want you to sit with them constantly, keep checking on them and say AWWWW all the time is when it gets abit annoying after a week. But, flu bugs are worse than colds, so tell her if she isn't feeling better inafew more days she should go see her doctor.

 

Try not to let it get to you, your girlfriend isn't your ex so it's not really fair to make her feel bad right now...Plus, maybe you can handle illness better than she can or your cold wasn't as bad as hers. Who knows...But if you are real sick and have to be in bed for a week hopefully she'll pick up the slack and cater to your needs when you're down and out.

Posted

I get irritated when someone uses the 'sick role' to get sympathy.

So if your ex used to do that to you, I can understand your irritation.

 

WHO has a flu for three months? Sheesh....

 

Maybe she was just a sickly person.

 

 

However, the other posters have a point. It seems you are getting mad at your current GF because you have unresolved issues from a past relationship.

 

Interesting to note; I have three guy friends who got divorced and with each one of them, it took about four years before they were ready to be in a serious relationship with someone new. Until then, they just found fault with every new girlfriend who came along......faults that were annoying enough to warrant breaking up with her.

 

Sounds like you are not ready to be committed fully to someone. That's OK. You need space and freedom and don't want to be saddled with emotional responsibilities right now.

 

I'd talk to your girlfriend and try not to make it be about her 'having the flu'. I think it's more about you having issues with the caretaker/provider/responsible person role just now.

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