Sweets1919 Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Over the last few years I had two serious relationships....or so I thought. Turns out the guys were not at the same point I was and they did not want to settle down and wanted to party/see other people. So I've been single since May and I am again ready to start dating. I am 32 (never married, no kids) and I met a guy on the computer (age 28) in the summer and have seen him about 5 times. We live an hour and a half apart so he has come to see me 4 times and I went to see him for a weekend. He has a lot of the qualities I am looking for: open, kind, wanting a commitment, employed, not in debt, not an alcoholic, has a home, not addicted to strip bars and seems to have a good sense of humour. He even came up to see me for my birthday, brought roses and lots of thoughtful gifts which showed he had really been listening to me in our chats about my likes/dislikes. I don't want to like him just because he is SO different from my exes so I told him I want to take things slow and get to know each other. However, he is recently divorced after his wife of 5 yrs cheated on him at least twice and I am the first person he has dated since then. We both go to church and he is very devoted to church and I am more of a "I go to church but it does not rule my life" person. He, on the other hand, says things like he "lives his life for the Lord" etc. and is looking for a "Godly woman" and I just don't want to be the rebound to his previous relationship either...that puts a lot of pressure on me. So I have told him I want to take things slow. A few weeks ago we finally kissed and it was nice. He is attractive, but I don't get the "he's so hot" feelings around him like I used to with my exes...and I can accept that and hope that attraction will grow for the qualities of him and him as a person, not just his body...which I know is a healthier approach. He has told me he wants to be my boyfriend I have told him I need to have more time to be sure and that I want to start things off by building a friendship. He basically said "fine, but then I don't want to kiss you until you are sure, because I don't kiss my friends". I told him that that was fine if that's what he wants (it seemed a bit like he was trying to manipulate me into saying "oh in that case I'll be your girlfriend"...he doesn't understand I'm not lusting after him that I couldn't live without kissing him....i am 5'2 and 100lbs...he is about 300lbs and always makes jokes about how unattractive he is). But the next weekend he came up to see me (a week after the first kiss and after he said no kissing) and we had a fun night but then he asks if he can come "lay down with me in my bed to cuddle" and he initiated kissing. I was like WTF!! Make up your mind! Should starting a relationship be this hard?? I want to have fun and laughs etc. and not overanalyze stuff to death. He said that the whole next day all he could think of was how he "bombed with me" that night. I feel like telling him to take a hike because he is getting on my nerves with his insecurity instead of wanting to get to know me and enjoy each other's company. However, then part of me thinks maybe I'm seeing problems where there aren't any b/c I am so used to dating losers and that this "nice guy" is really who I should be with....
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