Aquarius Guy Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 So I suspect my wife is having an affair in the excercise room at work. I am trying to be cool, and not confronting, but building repect in the marriage. Hard to feel like doing things to improve the marriage, when I feel like a fool. Ideas?
JadeStar Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 First of all what makes you feel that you suspect her? Whats some things she is doing/not doing to make you think this? Yes its best to remain cool until you have some more facts. Jade
Author Aquarius Guy Posted November 5, 2005 Author Posted November 5, 2005 Dear Jade Star, Did I remember a different Avatar? Green hair is nicely organic. I supsect my wife is having an affair because: My wife has threatened divorce from time to time. When we discussed separaton a month ago, she wanted to start dating that night. I said I would wait, accoring to the Law and the Divine, until divorce was final. She says she is going to leave me before too long. She once said she should not have passed up a chance to leave me. Just things she has said in anger, without thinking. Usually she is real secretive. But I am more focusing on the issue of repsect, and her not say YES to everyone who asks for her time, then she is short for me. Thanks for the reply.
JadeStar Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Yes I change my avatar from time to time. Well its highly possible that could be the case as far as her seeing another. However, just because she has threatened divorce doesn't mean she is seeing someone else. There could be lots of other reasons for her wanting to seek a divorce. I think the main question is, is this something you feel thats worth saving? Is she very adamant about a seperation/divorce? Do you feel shes not willing to work on things? Have you all tried marriage counseling or is that just not an option? If you were to find out for sure that she was infact seeing another, what are your plans? Jade
Bryanp Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 I think you are really fighting an uphill fight. Your wife wants out of the marriage and is screwing some guy in the exercise room and putting your health at risk for STD's assuming you are still intimate. Her words and actions indicate that she has little or no respect for you. I suggest you contact a good lawyer and know your various options to protect yourself. You could always try to bust them yourself in the exercise room but really what is the point? Why do you wish to be with someone who by their actions and words has no respect for you and does not wish to be with you. Why would you wish to settle for this? I wish you luck.
Trying to move on Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Hi Aquarius, I'm pretty new to this forum but from what I've read and what I've experienced myself your gut instinct is very rarely wrong -- you sense she's checked out of your marriage and you're assuming it's because of someone else. It may well be or it may be she's looking but still unsure of whether to go or stay (since she talks about it but hasn't yet physically left). You sound like you're trying to adjust your approach with her in treating her and the marriage with respect --- I give you great credit for recognizing that you can't MAKE her stop wanting someone else, you can only make her want you MORE than someone else. Some of the experiences I've read so far show that those BS's who demonstrate a real committment to changing what was missing together with the OS demonstrating a real committment to repairing the hurt are the couples who come out of this better than going into it. Spend some time thinking about what you want from this -- are you looking for validation that you're right and she's wrong --- are you looking for proof she checked out of the marriage and you're the one who tried to save it --- do you really WANT to make this work or do you not want to lose to someone else??? Be sure of what you want before you confront her at all --- and the best of luck in making your decision
Author Aquarius Guy Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Dear Bryanp, Wife is not set an getting out of the marriage. W is into palying me for a sucker. I am trying to be a nice guy, and still get my point accross. You raise an important point: "Why would I want to settle for this?" My phrawes, this morning, You want to be supportive to your husband, and his ideals and efforts. I am trying.
Author Aquarius Guy Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Dear Trying to Move On, You are correct that I have not made a decision to move on from the marriage. Perhaps closer that I have ever been before, though. I am working to be a better Husband Coach Leader, Father, etc. Improving my leadership and counseling skills, should be a help in any future relationship. I told her that if she wanted out, that I was not trying to hold her. We could separate for the legal number of months, whenever she wanted. She said she wanted to be married to me. But her idea of being married to me, is to have everything her way. You didn't ask, but here is a website I am studying: http://www.talknlp.com How are you coming along with getting your H streaightened out? I have the Boundaries set from Wallmart. I should play the DVD chapters again. I saw Cloud and Townsend live, one time, when they were taping a radio show in front of a live audience. Blessings
lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 How is it that your wife is cheating just because she asked for a divorce? What are the signs that she is showing to make you think she is cheating? You going to have to give me more concrete evidence to convince me !!! Am i missing something ?
Author Aquarius Guy Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Dear Little Momma, Do I have your handle correctly sounded out in my mind's ear? I am taking attentive action to reduce the temptations for an affair. I hope I am wrong. Maybe I would rather not know for sure. If I knew for sure, I might act irrationally. Right now, I am just trying to take corrective actions. Wife's words have given me the clue. Sufficient that I am also less interested in maintaining marriage. I am letting W know that I would like to more trusting feelings in the marriage. She can let me know where she is going, in advance, better than she does. She can be more accommodating and more loving. I don't object to your being skeptical. I hope you are right. Ideas
lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 I hope i am right too!! You can't assume someone is cheating unless you start to notice her lying changing her clothes looks weight something she doesn't ordianarily do . Keep an eye on emails and cell phone if you have one ...Lilmoma is the the correct way but i know what you mean !! lol .. So are you saying no definite signs that she is cheating or just suspect it by her not working on the marriage.. I think or spouses can sometimes think of their ownself after being in a marriage for a while and take us for granted and assume no matter how they treat us goo or bad we will always be there!!! Good luck
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