trouble09 Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 Hi, I was wondering if anyone else could relate to this experience. Before I ever had a partner, I was completely fine with being single, didn't particularly want a relationship, was independent and felt totally fine being by myself, making all my own decisions, and felt like I knew who I was. Then I met someone and we ended up in a relationship for 6 years. When that ended I felt like I needed to look for another partner almost straight away. I didn't feel like I could be fine as a single person. I felt lonely and needy. I don't know why this was. It's like being in a relationship ruined me! I went from being strong and independent to totally needy and weak! Can anyone else relate to this? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 Having a 6 year relationship end will be very hard for anyone. You are just feeling the loneliness and grief of it ending. You were use to being with someone for a long time. It's bound to feel strange being on your own again. It will get easier and you will be able to re establish the person you use to be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 People change over time and just like you probably don't have the same interests you had 10 years ago your "needs" can change as well. I can understand being annoyed at "losing" ability to be more content on your own, but it's possible this was inevitable anyhow. One way to look at this is your brain has experienced a dopamine drop due to the end of the relationship. You're now looking to replace that. Also perhaps a sense of security, social status, etc. All the things a relationship can sometimes bring. Of course there's more to it than that, but some meta-cognition about "what your own brain is putting you through" may be of help. The prospect of reproduction and a "stable base" are important drives, and so your brain has ways of letting you know they're now missing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 8 hours ago, trouble09 said: Can anyone else relate to this? After my first relationship ended, also a 6 year relationship, I jumped right into another one. I think it was because I was just used to being in one. Having someone around to do things with and talk to all the time. So yeah, I know what it’s like. But, if you stay single for awhile you’ll adjust to that as well. Just the transition can be hard. And then it will be a transition again getting into another relationship! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 19, 2023 Share Posted April 19, 2023 You need time to grieve and adjust. You'll be fine... just give yourself time. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 Id venture to say that when you find a relationship a little later in life, you never feel truly comfortable at sharing everything with a partner, you are used to being single and alone and you always crave that alone time even if you are in the happiest relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts