Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: .She doesn't need phone-tethering if she's busy in order to quell insecurities. However 4 days is quite a while but then again you're off on vacation ignoring her. Perhaps it's time to figure out a more effective communication pattern. 4 days was too much to ignore me, when she was the one every day initiating contact. I'm not on vacation anymore, is it considered ignoring her if she's not even contacting me?
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 4 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Look, most experience insecurity to some degree at some point in their lives. You're human, big deal. Your tendency has been to do things to elicit a reaction from her to determine or 'measure' her level of interest. Social media habits, comments to her about "lunching with your ex" and the other methods you've employed to make her jealous demonstrate this. There's nothing healthy about it. Focus on building a strong, trusting relationship with her rather than using manipulative methods to test her feelings. Instead, focus on the things that make you unique and valuable. That's what will attract the right relationship. Well I was testing her to see how she would react. I know it's not right, but she's still around, she didn't block me like girls in the past would have done. TBH I want to make things right with her now. I want to salvage what we can still have together because I do like her. Should I contact her, or just let her come to me when she's ready?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 29 minutes ago, Black Cement said: Well I was testing her to see how she would react. Exactly, which is immature and toxic. How old are you, OP?
Wiseman2 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Black Cement said: , is it considered ignoring her if she's not even contacting me? Perhaps it's just a standoff. You both seem to be "not contacting" for some sort of competition. Rethink if going from friends to dating is working out for you. So far it seems like games.
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Perhaps it's just a standoff. You both seem to be "not contacting" for some sort of competition. Rethink if going from friends to dating is working out for you. So far it seems like games. It feels like a competition, I don't like it. All I really want to do is talk it over, if we should continue the relationship or not.
basil67 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 6 minutes ago, Black Cement said: It feels like a competition, I don't like it. All I really want to do is talk it over, if we should continue the relationship or not. This isn't something which is a joint decision. Either it's working for you or it's not, so just decide what's best for you and make a decision. Besides, from what I'm reading, she won't be heartbroken if you break up with her 1
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: This isn't something which is a joint decision. Either it's working for you or it's not, so just decide what's best for you and make a decision. Besides, from what I'm reading, she won't be heartbroken if you break up with her Well I really don't know if I want it or not. We're supposed to go out in a couple of days, yet I don't know if it's still on or what. Would it be okay just to ask if our plans were still on?
Wiseman2 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 15 minutes ago, Black Cement said: . Would it be okay just to ask if our plans were still on? Definitely follow up and confirm plans. If there's no reply, perhaps it's over. But that may come as a relief to both of you because the situation has become antagonistic rather than satisfying.
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Definitely follow up and confirm plans. If there's no reply, perhaps it's over. But that may come as a relief to both of you because the situation has become antagonistic rather than satisfying. Okay yeah, I'll probably ask her tomorrow. Part of me doesn't want to see her anymore, and the other half wants to fix things. I just need to know where she stands and I'll accept whatever she decides.
Wiseman2 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 42 minutes ago, Black Cement said: . Part of me doesn't want to see her anymore. just need to know where she stands and I'll accept whatever she decides. Since you feel this way, you can decide for yourself rather than undermining things until she leaves. There's no point being stuck in a situationship you're this ambivalent about.
basil67 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Black Cement said: Well I really don't know if I want it or not. We're supposed to go out in a couple of days, yet I don't know if it's still on or what. Would it be okay just to ask if our plans were still on? You're unhappy that she's not communicating enough. She's unhappy that you're pushy. What part if this is a relationship worth continuing with? I don't know....perhaps you like it because it's different to the previous relationships which you described as "my past relationships I'm always having heated arguments back and forth." That sounds horrible too, but in a different way. Have you ever had a healthy relationship....one where you both communicate respectfully and easily? Have you addressed why you lose your filter when you're upset? What about the snarky texts you sent her trying to get a rise out of her? I understand that you were frustrated, but is that also something you make a habit of? It's not a good look 2
JTSW Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 15 hours ago, Black Cement said: being ignored for 4 days was driving me crazy. And that was because you posted a photo of you with another girl without explaining who she was. Do you not see that you are the one that caused all this.
Alpacalia Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 10 hours ago, Black Cement said: Well I was testing her to see how she would react. I know it's not right, but she's still around, she didn't block me like girls in the past would have done. Can you help me understand this better? Is it your intention to take a confident and trusting woman and erode her self-esteem and trust in you? Wouldn't you rather build her up, to make her feel secure and valued? 10 hours ago, Black Cement said: TBH I want to make things right with her now. I want to salvage what we can still have together because I do like her. Should I contact her, or just let her come to me when she's ready? I am assuming that you already know what you want, right? You want her to pay more attention to you or show more interest in your relationship. Which is perfectly fine we all have certain needs and as an equal contributor to your relationship you deserve at the minimum a valent effort by the person you're dating to meet those needs and you hers the whole 50/50 analogy. Why not express that instead? Unless jealousy is the type of attention your ultimately seeking? We as flawed beings make things extremely challenging for each other. If you want more attention, why don't you ask for it? How many of us wait until someone approaches us and reads our mind and understands that we are hungry, then provides us with food? If you're hungry enough, you’ll ask for it. The best relationships are born of shared interests, values, and courtesy. You aren’t establishing any of these. Time to change your approach. 2
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: The best relationships are born of shared interests, values, and courtesy. You aren’t establishing any of these. Time to change your approach. That's how things were going before his bump in the road. I want to move forward. I sent her a message just now on IG saying "can I take you out on a date?? lol" It was the same exact thing/way I asked her awhile back. Lets just see what happens. 1
Allupinnit Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Ugh dude, no. Just STOP! The "lol" at the end was the *cringe* cherry on top. If she liked you she would have been in touch by now, wanting to know if you were back from vacay, etc. but she's not, she sees right through your passive-aggressive, childish games like joking about your ex and posting that ambiguous pic with your cousin, trying to make her jealous. That never works! Then to take your issue with her PUBLIC by tagging her in a dating video?? I want to take your phone and put oven mits on your hands to save you from yourself!! She's backing way off and doesn't owe you anything, you're not exclusive, she's ghosting you, dude. But you know this already, which is why you're trying desperately to get a response from her. The one you DID get was not promising, more of a "go away already." You said that your old r'ships were full of fighting, this is why, because you think love is a game where YOU come out on top and conduct yourself like preteen boy. This is not sexy, it is SO cringe and she sees through you! Please don't message her again, you're about to get blocked completely. She's trying to do the fade. Recognize it for what this is! 4 1
Alpacalia Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 (edited) 3 hours ago, Black Cement said: That's how things were going before his bump in the road. I want to move forward. I sent her a message just now on IG saying "can I take you out on a date?? lol" It was the same exact thing/way I asked her awhile back. Lets just see what happens. I'm speechless. That message was incredibly awkward. No. You don't go from damage control to taking a huge leap forward of 100 yards. If you had asked her out before without receiving a response, it was time to accept that the situation had changed. Your attempts to get a reaction out of her only made you seem callous and insensitive, and it was best to move on and find someone who was interested in you. Edited April 18, 2023 by Alpacalia 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 3 hours ago, Black Cement said: I sent her a message just now on IG saying "can I take you out on a date?? lol" Since you don't want to say how old you are, I am hoping you're really young and on the inexperienced side. Otherwise....good grief, man. 2
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 Well she replied saying "Lol idk. Besides what we're going through, I don't think I can because I might be moving away, & I don't want us to get too attached. I'm going to Texas next week to see if I like it and to see if I could potentially move there." I replied saying "Well that's kinda f'd up, you could have told me that was your plan a long time ago. I hope you don't meet anyone and you end up hating it there. Lol JK, whatever makes you happy." She said "LMAO, thanks. I Guess." Well this was a curveball, does this explain why she has become distant these past weeks? She could have just told me her intentions without leaving me hanging like this.
basil67 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Well at any rate, you've just guaranteed that she will have blocked you. 1
Acacia98 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 (edited) 18 hours ago, Black Cement said: 4 days was too much to ignore me, when she was the one every day initiating contact. I'm not on vacation anymore, is it considered ignoring her if she's not even contacting me? In future, if you feel the person has been silent for too long and you're not happy about it, use that to gauge whether you and she have the same ideals regarding communication and are compatible. When you're in a relationship, you're not supposed to just sit there passively, waiting for the other person to affirm you. You're also supposed to try and figure out if it's the right relationship for you. In this case, if I were you, I'd have remained silent a while longer to give her a chance to respond. At the one week point, if I knew for a fact that she was still ignoring me, I would have closed the chapter. With your stunt, all you managed to do was get her to respond to you. You still didn't know if she was on her way out. So your manipulative tactic didn't actually work. Edited April 18, 2023 by Acacia98
Wiseman2 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Black Cement said: . I'm going to Texas next week to see if I like it and to see if I could potentially move there." does this explain why she has become distant these past weeks? She's definitely moving on. Just step back. She did tell you when she needed to.
Author Black Cement Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: She's definitely moving on. Just step back. She did tell you when she needed to. Well she planned this before we started dating, I knew, but I thought she was just going on vacation.
Allupinnit Posted April 19, 2023 Posted April 19, 2023 (edited) Ok - so she just literally said no to a date with you BECAUSE SHE'S MOVING OUT OF STATE. lol as if she couldn't get any further away from you! Please, for all of us on LS and yourself, block her number and never contact her again, stay off socials, it will only make you feel 100x worse. You can't force her into telling you that her feelings have changed. We already know this. Just leave her alone! She doesn't want to see you nor talk to you anymore, your childish games gave her the ick and you can't recover from that. TRUST ME, I'm a woman and I've done the same thing. Honestly? You sound kind of mean when you don't get your way. That's a huge red flag to a woman. Your jokes aren't funny, they're mean-spirited. Edited April 19, 2023 by Allupinnit 3 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2023 Posted April 19, 2023 You need to grow up, OP. Your reactions are so childish it's rather astonishing. Anyway, now you know without a shadow of a doubt - she doesn't want to date you. Stop contacting her. 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2023 Posted April 19, 2023 5 hours ago, Black Cement said: Well she planned this before we started dating, I knew, but I thought she was just going on vacation. How old is she? You're 35, so it's time to try to say what you mean and mean what you say. In any case this friendship turned situationship, didn't work out and she seems done with it. In the future utilize more direct and sincere communication. The cheekiness and game playing gets tiresome for both people pretty fast.
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