George81 Posted April 8, 2023 Posted April 8, 2023 I was in a long term relationship that ended about ten years ago. Been concentrating on myself, work and raising my daughter since then, not really interested in dating but my confidence has been growing, had met a couple of people for coffee. About a year ago I started getting friendly with a girl at the gym and over time started getting feelings for her. It got to the point where I couldnt stop thinking about her, and so a couple of weeks ago I plucked up the courage and asked her a drink and was surprised when she said yes. I said that would be great and lets organise when we where next at the gym. Then I got a little unwell and it was about two weeks till I saw her again. When I saw her again I asked her if she was still wanting to go for a drink she said yes, but was going home for the next week. I said okay why dont we stay in touch and arrange by messaging one another for when she got back. She said yes, so she took my number and she text me that night. We exchanged a couple of texts and she said she was looking forward to meeting up and said some really nice and kind things to me that blew me away and asked me questions. I replied back and asked her questions too. I was on cloud nine that night and couldnt sleep. The next day I never heard from her so was a bit deflated but thought she must be busy. Five more days went by and heard nothing so I dropped her a Whatsapp just asking how she was etc, kept it light etc and heard nothing back. Was pretty gutted and down as couldnt remember last time I felt like this for anybody. Ive been stable and resilient when on my own and single. I know I have probably over invested in what might be, but it was so nice to get a bit of attention for once and someone genuinely interested in me. Still not heard from her and obviously I dont want to reach out again as I dont know her that well. Some thoughts on what happened here would be really useful and how do I stop myself from getting ahead of myself, investing and feeling so high and low and building up expectations? I just want to hear from her and get to know her better.
semble Posted April 8, 2023 Posted April 8, 2023 There's absolutely no way to know why you haven't heard from her. That much being said, if I was in such a situation I probably would have called, not relied on text messages. You could consider doing that now. You're just sort of touching base, it was your understanding there was going to be a date, is that still the case, if so great if not you'd appreciate her telling you that. If she doesn't pick up you could leave that in a message. You've got nothing to lose and possibly something to gain.
Author George81 Posted April 8, 2023 Author Posted April 8, 2023 Thanks for your message - I dont quite feel comfortable doing that yet, maybe if there had been a couple more text exchanges and she had replied quickly to my last one but its been 9 days now since i heard from her. My message got through on whatsapp so thinking she has either changed her mind or maybe someone else come along. I think because I was really looking forward to something nice happening in my life for a change and i really liked her, first time in years so gone from such a high. Just doesnt make sense as she was being really lovely with me.
ShyViolet Posted April 8, 2023 Posted April 8, 2023 Not replying means not interested. Even if things seemed promising before, she has for whatever reason decided she's not interested anymore. It happens all the time in dating. 1
Author George81 Posted April 8, 2023 Author Posted April 8, 2023 I know I get that. But she got in contact with me, said she was looking forward to meeting up, offered me something that meant a lot (the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me in years) but then I dont hear from her. Do you think I should just give up or reach out again at some point?
semble Posted April 8, 2023 Posted April 8, 2023 16 minutes ago, George81 said: Do you think I should just give up or reach out again at some point? You just said there weren't that many texts and it's been 9 days so you don't feel comfortable reaching out, now you ask should I reach out to her. I'm not following
Author George81 Posted April 8, 2023 Author Posted April 8, 2023 Sorry I meant i didnt feel comfortable reaching out by calling her as suggested by the other poster. I meant should I text again at some point given she seemed really keen? I just really liked her and dont want to give up, but same time as you said no reply means no longer interested.
semble Posted April 8, 2023 Posted April 8, 2023 All this texting. Must be a new generation thing. Sometimes you actually need to reach out to the person with a voice call. Texting seems way too timid. Especially when you're trying to get solid answers. But hey that's just me. Text away.. and always wonder.
Author George81 Posted April 8, 2023 Author Posted April 8, 2023 But what do I say if I did?......'I see you didnt reply to my previous 2 messages for the last nine days and wondering if we are still on for that drink?' I just cant see how that is going to work.
basil67 Posted April 8, 2023 Posted April 8, 2023 7 hours ago, George81 said: I was on cloud nine that night and couldnt sleep. The next day I never heard from her so was a bit deflated but thought she must be busy. Five more days went by and heard nothing so I dropped her a Whatsapp just asking how she was etc, kept it light etc and heard nothing back Perhaps you left something out of the story, but it sounds like you left the ball in her court and waited five days to reach out. Is this correct? Why didn't you reach out in the next day or two to say Hi?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 9, 2023 Posted April 9, 2023 11 hours ago, George81 said: Do you think I should just give up or reach out again at some point? No. You have tried a couple times now and she is unresponsive. That isn't an oversight on her part. I'm sorry. It sounds like you got your hopes up perhaps a little too high here, but this is part of dating. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it's just not a match. 2
Acacia98 Posted April 9, 2023 Posted April 9, 2023 (edited) I think you've done as much as you reasonably can, OP. If she is genuinely interested, she will respond. If she isn't, she won't. Don't persist. That might make things awkward, considering you still have to use the same gym. Edited April 9, 2023 by Acacia98 2
assertives Posted April 9, 2023 Posted April 9, 2023 I'd say don't push it. Leave it be. If she hasn't replied, she probably isn't interested. You could perhaps try say hi and talk to her when you next meet at the gym or just let it be. Don't keep texting or calling her. It might make things awkward if you still go to the same gym. 1
Author George81 Posted April 9, 2023 Author Posted April 9, 2023 Thanks everyone. Will just let it be then and keep my fingers crossed she gets back in touch and keep working on myself. I just felt something i hadnt felt in years for her and was on such a high, it took a lot of courage for me to ask her for a drink. I think because i knew her for a little while, we were getting on great and she was showing interest and messaging me that it just hurts that ive not heard back from her, and im left confused wondering why.
JTSW Posted April 12, 2023 Posted April 12, 2023 (edited) On 4/8/2023 at 6:50 PM, George81 said: I know I get that. But she got in contact with me, said she was looking forward to meeting up, offered me something that meant a lot (the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me in years) but then I dont hear from her. Do you think I should just give up or reach out again at some point? She was probably waiting on you to contact her the next day, but you didn't. And you let that go on for another 5 days. Why do you always wait for her to initiate? I think you ruined your chances here. Edited April 12, 2023 by JTSW 2
stillafool Posted April 12, 2023 Posted April 12, 2023 52 minutes ago, JTSW said: She was probably waiting on you to contact her the next day, but you didn't. And you let that go on for another 5 days. Why do you always wait for her to initiate? Women get turned off when a man isn't assertive and expects them to chase him. If you want a lady act like it. 3
Author George81 Posted April 12, 2023 Author Posted April 12, 2023 I think you are reading it wrong. I did contact her and heard nothing back and followed up again and heard nothing. I didnt want to come across as needy when I didnt hear back the first time so left it a few days.
Alvi Posted April 12, 2023 Posted April 12, 2023 3 hours ago, George81 said: I think you are reading it wrong. I did contact her and heard nothing back and followed up again and heard nothing. I didnt want to come across as needy when I didnt hear back the first time so left it a few days. She is not interested or changed her mind for whatever reason. Let it go. Just nod politely when you see her at the gym but don't ask her out again. Join some activity groups or clubs. Make a good dating profile on some reputable dating sites.
stillafool Posted April 12, 2023 Posted April 12, 2023 5 hours ago, George81 said: I think you are reading it wrong. I did contact her and heard nothing back and followed up again and heard nothing. I didnt want to come across as needy when I didnt hear back the first time so left it a few days. Well if you've heard nothing back it means she's not interested. Forget her and move on.
Author George81 Posted April 12, 2023 Author Posted April 12, 2023 But Ive known her for a year now, she said yes when I asked her and sent some lovely texts. I just dont get it. Im a single parent, work full time so the gym is all that I can squeeze in to help cope with demands of life, so its difficult to meet new people and OLD is a nightmare. I dont get many opportunities because of my situation and just really liked her. Im finding it difficult just to forget and move on to be honest, and dont know why she would not even reply if she changed her mind. Could understand better if I never really knew her.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2023 Posted April 13, 2023 It's disappointing, no doubt. She should at least have the courtesy to respond to you. But you have also learned something important about her - she's not as great as you thought she was. Someone who behaves like this lacks decorum and maturity. That doesn't bode well in dating. You just didn't know that about her until now. You also have to try to let go, even if you don't understand why she went silent. Otherwise it will needlessly eat at you. 2
JTSW Posted April 13, 2023 Posted April 13, 2023 How often to you see her at the gym? Next time you see her there ask her if everything is ok.
Author George81 Posted April 13, 2023 Author Posted April 13, 2023 Thanks ExPatInItaly, I didnt think about that. I think my issue is a) ive not been interested in girls for a long time, and b) I dont meet many other people. With her it was just a nice progression where I got to know her and enjoyed her company. All the signs were there and I started falling for her. Ive not been back to the gym im afraid, im going to join another. Think it would eat away at me if I saw her there. If I had some closure it would be easier for me but I guess I just need to learn from this. Ive read other posters had similar experiences.
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