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Should I give her space?

Corduroy

By Corduroy
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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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I've been online friends with this girl for about 6 years. I always had a thing for her, so I finally asked her out. She agreed and we started talking all day everyday, after a few weeks we finally met up and started dating. We both had a great time, saw each other for a few times and the honeymoon phase began. We plan on seeing each other again, but don't know when. She's always hanging out with her friends and that seems to be the priority. We had breakfast the other day and I was expecting to hang out with her after, but she left and hung out with them instead. We text all day and night, but I'd rather see her more in person, I want to get intimate. Should I just give her space, don't force things and let things play out?

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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If you want to see a woman more you don't give her space, you setup dates and you book more time with her. If you want to have lunch and hang out the rest of the day then tell her you'd like to reserve a whole day with her. In your example you did not make further plans and you hoped she'd stick around, bad plan. 

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

If you want to see a woman more you don't give her space, you setup dates and you book more time with her. If you want to have lunch and hang out the rest of the day then tell her you'd like to reserve a whole day with her. In your example you did not make further plans and you hoped she'd stick around, bad plan. 

I tried to, but she says she has plans. I don't want to come off too clingy you know

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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I don't know what you mean by "the honeymoon phase began."  It sounds like maybe it began for you, but it never began for her.  If you and her were in a "honeymoon phase" then she would be making an effort to see you, a lot.  She is clearly not doing that.  It doesn't sound like she is very interested.  And if she's not that interested, there's nothing you can do to *make* her be more interested.  I suggest you take a step back and stop wasting your time with this.  Date someone who is more local in your area.

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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4 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I've been online friends with this girl for about 6 years. We text all day and night, but I'd rather see her more in person, I want to get intimate. 

Sorry this is happening.  Yes step back. Texting all day every day and being online friends for 6 years seems to be keeping this in the friendzone. Only text about setting up dates. If she sidesteps it, pull back.

Ray_xx Established Member

Ray_xx

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she sounds like a uni student (young) give her space and move on

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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4 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

I don't know what you mean by "the honeymoon phase began."  It sounds like maybe it began for you, but it never began for her.  If you and her were in a "honeymoon phase" then she would be making an effort to see you, a lot.  She is clearly not doing that.  It doesn't sound like she is very interested.  And if she's not that interested, there's nothing you can do to *make* her be more interested.  I suggest you take a step back and stop wasting your time with this.  Date someone who is more local in your area.

She is local in my area lol, she lives like 15 mins away. She talks about how I'm amazing, she posted pics of our date online and whatever. When she got a flat tire, she called me to help her, I changed it and bought her a new tire. We're in that phase, I would know

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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1 hour ago, Ray_xx said:

she sounds like a uni student (young) give her space and move on

She's 10 years younger than me. She wants to date older men and not young dudes anymore

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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1 hour ago, Corduroy said:

 We're in that phase, I would know

Sorry to say....but if you were in the phase, you'd be seeing each other frequently and she'd give you more priority over her friends.  And be ripping your clothes off on a regular basis.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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4 hours ago, basil67 said:

Sorry to say....but if you were in the phase, you'd be seeing each other frequently and she'd give you more priority over her friends.  And be ripping your clothes off on a regular basis.

I was coming here to say this, too.

It sounds like she enjoys your attention, OP, but doesn't quite have the same interest level that you do. She wouldn't be too busy to see if you otherwise. She would suggest an alternate day or time. Has she done that? 

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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7 hours ago, Corduroy said:

 We're in that phase, I would know

You can keep kidding yourself by telling yourself that, but the way she is behaving is most definitely not how someone acts when they are in the honeymoon phase.  Or maybe you are confused about what exactly a honeymoon phase is.

 

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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7 hours ago, Corduroy said:

She is local in my area lol, she lives like 15 mins away. 

Ok, I assumed wrong then.  It really sounded like maybe this was a long-distance thing and you don't live that close to each other, considering the fact that you were just online friends for a long time and hadn't met up until recently.  And you don't see each other very often.

If she lives so close to you, but she's not making an effort to see you very often, then that goes to show even more clearly that she is not that interested in you.  Face reality and find someone who is just as interested in you as you are in them.

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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9 hours ago, Corduroy said:

 When she got a flat tire, she called me to help her, I changed it and bought her a new tire. 

Are you concerned that you're in the friendzone? Or sort of a big brother or father figure?

Because changing tires doesn't really seem like there's a romantic interest.

Try to slow down on the texting. See if she wants to go on another date.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Her letting you pay for a new tyre doesn't mean anything.  Except perhaps that she's using your $$$   

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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14 hours ago, Corduroy said:

She's 10 years younger than me. She wants to date older men and not young dudes anymore

Are you sure she considered those outings as "dates"? In her mind she could just be developing a frienship with a long term chat-buddy. Not wanting to date men her age doesn't mean she's looking to date you.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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14 hours ago, Corduroy said:

She's 10 years younger than me. 

Wait a minute here...how old is she? She sounds very young and you said you've been chatting for 6 years! That means you chatted with her when she was just a teen?

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Wait a minute here...how old is she? She sounds very young and you said you've been chatting for 6 years! That means you chatted with her when she was just a teen?

She’s 26, so she was 20. 

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Are you sure she considered those outings as "dates"? In her mind she could just be developing a frienship with a long term chat-buddy. Not wanting to date men her age doesn't mean she's looking to date you.

We went to a fancy restaurant, she called it a date. We even went to the carnival, had a perfect date

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you concerned that you're in the friendzone? Or sort of a big brother or father figure?

Because changing tires doesn't really seem like there's a romantic interest.

Try to slow down on the texting. See if she wants to go on another date.

I feel I should stop texting, I said good morning and happy Easter, she hasn’t replied 

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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16 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

I feel I should stop texting, I said good morning and happy Easter, she hasn’t replied 

She's 26, l bet she went out last night so don't expect her up early today.

Listen, if at 26 her friends are her priority she is not looking for a relationship but for casual dating. People say all kinds of things but what count is their actions. You don't have 'actions' on her part here. Don't set your heart on this girl. 

Why did it take 6 years to meet if you are 15 minutes apart?

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

She's 26, l bet she went out last night so don't expect her up early today.

Listen, if at 26 her friends are her priority she is not looking for a relationship but for casual dating. People say all kinds of things but what count is their actions. You don't have 'actions' on her part here. Don't set your heart on this girl. 

Why did it take 6 years to meet if you are 15 minutes apart?

We talked today, I asked her out but she said she’s busy all this month, traveling to various places. She reminded me that she told me when we were at brunch Tuesday. I’ve always had a thing for her, she always was in a relationship and now that she’s single, she wants to travel. I asked her out, out of the blue and she agreed. I just showed up in her life while she’s doing this healing thing. She expressed how happy I’ve made here and all the things I’ve done for her. Maybe I should just take it slow

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I know you are dying for us to tell you to be patient and to take it slow, but unfortunately the elements aren't there for you to invest hope in this.

When women are attracted and interested in a man they show it by being enthusiastic, by making themselves available, even when they're very busy they make time for you.

She showed you, her friends are her priority, she's healing from what? A breakup?

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Corduroy Established Member

Corduroy

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3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I know you are dying for us to tell you to be patient and to take it slow, but unfortunately the elements aren't there for you to invest hope in this.

When women are attracted and interested in a man they show it by being enthusiastic, by making themselves available, even when they're very busy they make time for you.

She showed you, her friends are her priority, she's healing from what? A breakup?

Yeah a breakup, she's been single for a year. She said when she gets back from her trip, we could spend a whole week together before she goes on another trip

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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5 hours ago, Corduroy said:

She said when she gets back from her trip, we could spend a whole week together

This is a bad idea. You aren't dating. Why put your heart on the line like that?

So she can have her fun for a week and take off again? This young lady is a waste of your time, man. You're old enough to see that. 

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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10 hours ago, Corduroy said:

 I’ve always had a thing for her, she always was in a relationship and now that she’s single. I just showed up in her life while she’s doing this healing thing. 

She seems to be enjoying being single for a while and at the same time enjoying the attention while in-between relationships. As long as you can stay objective and not get hurt, it may be fine, but she's pretty clear about being on the rebound.

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