taylor3205 Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Well my ex of 7 years left me nearly a month ago now. I must admit I feel slightly better within myself than when I did a few weeks ago. Although I just feel constantly sad and I am absolutely dreading christmas this year. This is going to be one of the worst chrsitmases ever for me. We usually went xmas shopping together, wrapped presents together and just thinking about it now is bringing a tear to my eye. I just feel numb at the moment and I cant face the world, I am so depressed. It will be a lonely christmas for me for sure. I have my family around me but still there will be a HUGE part missing. I just want to go to bed and sleep forever. I would give absolutely anything to have him back in my life. I miss him so much. These boards have been a great help for me as I know there are people out there in the same situation as myself. Life is a total bitch sometimes. I feel totally and utterly worn out and empty, I have no motivation for anything anymore, my house is a mess, my head is a mess and my life is a mess!! I cant stay like this forever but I just have no passion for anything anymore. If anyone is in the same boat as me then my heart goes out to you. I hope one day we will all find what we are looking for and be truly happy.
westernxer Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 You said you've been feeling much better the last few weeks, so I'm sure you'll feel even better by Christmas. Holidays mean nothing without family. A partner at your side is just icing on the cake.
JohnJohn Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you. May I ask why he left you? Unfortunately we can't make anyone love us or stay with us and sometimes stuff like this happens. Hang in there and stay strong.
slubberdegullion Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Taylor3205; What you are experiencing, strangely, is healthy. It's a form of grief that accompanies almost any sort of loss. If you're tired of living in a mess but don't have the steam to tidy up, hire a maid service. Lastly, remember that happiness is a choice based on your circumstances and your willingness to manage those circumstances. So make the choice to be happy, make the choice to get out of the house, make the choice to keep yourself socially active. Good luck. You're going to be fine.
Author taylor3205 Posted November 5, 2005 Author Posted November 5, 2005 He left beacause he said he 'loved me' but was not 'in love with me' no more. And what we had was just comfortable and secure and was not enough to make him stay and live like this anymore. He says he cares a great deal for me and hates himself for putting me through this hurt, but there you go.
In Sync Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Yes, you are grieving and as you probably know by now it is unpredictable the various states you'll experience. Nevertheless, don't resist it. Don't judge your feelings allow them to come and flow through you. Take each day as they come as well. Yes the holidays are tough to deal with but maybe for now try not to predict what you'll feel during Christmas. Be ever so grateful that you have a loving family to share it with. This is the time to embrace the ones who are there for us. Appreciate them. Some of us have lost family members and that's really tough. I know it hurts to lose a relationship no matter the time of the year... And despite your heartache your ex was honest with you and did not want to hurt you any further than he has. Maybe you don't see it right now but that is beautiful. There are so many relationship that don't end with that sort of integrity.
NewLee40 Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 What you are feeling is totally normal and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Be patient with yourself. I know how badly you want to feel better, but its only been a month. It may take you a year or so to totally work through your grief, and you will need all the help you can get through this time. Seek out and/or develop a support system and get professional help if necessary. Of course, the LS folks are here for you, and that does help. But, this is a major, traumatic life event. Nurture yourself and have patience with the grieving process. You will emerge stronger and happier than before, but for awhile you will really doubt it. Hugs.
JohnJohn Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 He left beacause he said he 'loved me' but was not 'in love with me' no more. I always question this kind of answer. It's usually a way to let one down easy or is a secondary reason for the breakup. There's always a primary reason but often the individual resorts to a secondary one as to not hurt your feelings as much. If this is the case, to me this is a little patronizing. You should always get the real reason but in reality we often do not. And what we had was just comfortable and secure and was not enough to make him stay and live like this anymore. He says he cares a great deal for me and hates himself for putting me through this hurt, but there you go. I may be a freak but I like comfortability and security in a relationship. Again, I suspect he isn't being totally honest with you regarding the reason he left you. However, unfortunately you must move on and allow yourself time to grieve. You'll have ups and downs but hang tough. Best wishes.
In Sync Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 I am responding to your reply JohnJohn to her post. I don't mean to quibble, but why not take the guy at his word about his reason for leaving? There's so many hurtful ways a person could opt to get out of a relationship. To dig and try to find out his other reasons aside from the one given, I don't get why search for meanness in it. What purpose does that serve taylor3205? It won't change his initial action and where he is at? I say try to find good in this for their breakup. Why must it be he have other reasons. The one thing I have learned on this thread is that when someone is mean spirited and wants out they have no problems hiding it in their actions. If he's left and he's done it in a gentlemanly fashion...accept that and be grateful he didn't try to humiliate you or leave in a heartles cold manner.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 im sorry for what has happend to you...and i know the feeling....the holidays coming up brings an even bigger burden on you.... i know you need all the support...my friends and family are trying to help me....but it doesnt change the fact that i wake up crying.... i know but it is apart of loss.... i had to deal with finding out my ex( after a week of our break up)....went to some1 else...and 3 months later( after trying to get over that) i find out there moving some where( out of state)......now im back from day 1...and i cant bare the memories i cant bear anything...ehhh one of the worst things one must experience..... but you have to move on...what else can you do...you gota go with the flow of your feelings except them and try to get used to them...and take every one's advice....im sorry and i wish you luck
JohnJohn Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 I am responding to your reply JohnJohn to her post. I don't mean to quibble, but why not take the guy at his word about his reason for leaving? There's so many hurtful ways a person could opt to get out of a relationship. To dig and try to find out his other reasons aside from the one given, I don't get why search for meanness in it. What purpose does that serve taylor3205? It won't change his initial action and where he is at? Only talylor3205 can answer that question. I was just making an observation. I was merely making a point that the reason seemed suspicious and was giving and opinion from a guys point of view. Nothing more, nothing less. That's what's great about this forum...women and men's views are different and whether we agree or disagree, it's sometimes helpful to consider different viewpoints.
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