Why is this upsetting me?

[chickendinner12]

I went to dinner with my friend. After the appetizers, my friend revealed to me they've had sex with this guy who turned me down (more accurately, he didn't respond when I suggested a date). This jerk had been liking a bunch of my pics on social media, but when I suggested a date he wasn't interested. I liked him but he had no interest in me. My friend didn't know this.

I was so depressed and upset about it, I couldn't finish my dinner. My friend noticed I got quiet and asked if I was okay.  I said I was just feeling tired and needed to go to bed.

Why does this bother me so much. It just hit me in the gut for some reason. 

Edited March 27, 2023 by chickendinner12

[chickendinner12]

My mood went into nuclear winter thinking about it. Not only was I rejected, but I was passed up in favor of someone else. I wish that someone would come into my life and chase after me. But that'll probably never happen. 

[chickendinner12]

3 minutes ago, S2B said:

Is he chasing? Does he take her OUT on dates or is this purely sex? 
did your friend say which it is?

It was sex, which is what I wanted with him too. 

[spiderowl]

39 minutes ago, chickendinner12 said:

My mood went into nuclear winter thinking about it. Not only was I rejected, but I was passed up in favor of someone else. I wish that someone would come into my life and chase after me. But that'll probably never happen. 

Assume they will chase you, chickendinner, and it will happen. Your attitude and view of yourself makes all the difference. If you decide to fend off any possible approaches or dates, you will probably be inundated.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, chickendinner12 said:

Why does this bother me so much. It just hit me in the gut for some reason. 

Are you attracted to some people more than others? If so, you can understand that he might have been more attracted to her than you. Which happens. His attraction to her has nothing to do with you. The reason it bothers you so much is because you mistakenly think it’s about you. Man and woman find each other; have sex. Tale as old as time. 

[Alvi]

Yeah, we always want what we can't have. It is a human nature. I understand how you feel since I was passed like that a time or two or three, lol. It is OK to be a bit upset when you find out that a person that you like is having sex with your friend. Not that they did anything wrong in this case but still. Try focus on the other things. This feeling will pass. This is only one guy, there are plenty of others who might like you. Don't take this personally as everybody has a right to pick and choose people to date and sleep with. 

48 minutes ago, chickendinner12 said:

My mood went into nuclear winter thinking about it. Not only was I rejected, but I was passed up in favor of someone else. I wish that someone would come into my life and chase after me. But that'll probably never happen. 

How old are you? What are we talking about here? Are you in school or in  a college or in a university? If so, there are plenty of guys in your proximity. Perhaps you could join clubs or some activity groups in your area. You could always volunteer. Are you a member of a church/synagogue/mosque? You could meet people (men) that way. How about on-line dating? 

Also, do you want someone to chase you or do you actually want to have a long term relationship? With on-line dating, it is not that difficult to find some guy that is going to chase  after you (not that you should do that to any guy). Having someone to adore you is one thing, but finding someone for a relationship is entirely different. If you are looking for just sex or FWB, it shouldn't be very difficult to find.

[JTSW]

9 hours ago, chickendinner12 said:

My mood went into nuclear winter thinking about it.

Bit extreme. 

Don't be mad at your friend though, she didn't know the extent of your interest in him.

There's nothing you can really do about this.

Just have to accept it and make your peace with it.

[MsJayne]

I wouldn't worry too much about him doing your friend, there's no kudos in being a casual hookup, it's a shallow interaction not dissimilar from two dogs mating in the park. In response to your question, why is it upsetting you, I'd say your ego is a little bruised. But....if he deliberately ignored your date invitation and then sought out someone who he knows you're friends with knowing you'd hear about it, that would reveal a lot about his character and none of it is good. Either way, you haven't lost anything. 

Edited March 28, 2023 by MsJayne
Left part out

[justwhoiam]

On 3/28/2023 at 1:07 AM, chickendinner12 said:

I was so depressed and upset about it, I couldn't finish my dinner. My friend noticed I got quiet and asked if I was okay.  I said I was just feeling tired and needed to go to bed.

Why does this bother me so much. It just hit me in the gut for some reason. 

She's your friend, why weren't you spontaneous about it? You missed a chance. When she mentioned him, you could have said: who, the guy who liked lots of my pics on (you name it, be it ig, fb, or something else) but date-allergic? Or something like that.

That said, have you thought maybe your friend was his goal? Some men are trained into some tactics, like making friends with their crush's friends, to get into her circle or to be more likable.

Should she ever mention him again, say something. Then move on and find someone better.

[smackie9]

I have been in your shoes...I just shake it off and go forward by devaluing the guy I desired. Tip: don't over invest in anyone unless they are wining and dining you. Anyone liking your pics is meaningless. The proof is them asking you out/taking you out.