Saxony Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 Fot context, he is my former date. We couldn't get past the initial stage as he was only looking to hook up and I wasn't. He was quite jilted over it and remained passive aggressive with me but still kept talking to me in person. I did tell him.that I liked him a year later but he said he's not looking for anything. I tried to leave him by even telling him that if he doesnt want to talk to me, it's okay I won't bother him ever again. But he refuses to stop talking and we continued to talk. However, I did not talk to him for a month (he studies in a different building now since the main study space where we met was closed down by the uni) and when I randomly bumped into him, he gave me a really pissed off look. First, he pretended to look the other way but as I was passing by, he looked at me and threw me a dirty look. As if he hates me. I saw him turn his back on me when I was coming close too but then be turned back, pretended to have not seen me and when we made eye contact, he gave an awful look. I still gave him a warm look and waved. Few days later, I bumped into him again while he was leaving for work and he was warm towards me. He was opening doors for me, being friendly etc but we didn't talk much as he was going to work. I dont understand. I thought he didn't like me so I stopped going to talk to him. Then why get mad by my absence? A few days later, I bumped into him again and he was completely normal with me. Was going to work but he was not acting rude, held both the doors for me. We didn't talk much as he was heading off to work. We bumped into each other again a few days after and he was once again quite normal. He asked how was doing, he let me accompany him to his study space area, heard abiut my work related problems and advised me to think for myself qnd not overburden myself. He also told me about his studies I dont understand. why be normal after giving me hateful looks that day? Il Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 As we've told you before, looks don't mean anything. Unless he is approaching you and asking you out he's not interested. A good way to not notice him looking at you is to not look his way if you get a glimpse of him. Just keep your eyes away and keep walking. Looks, staring means absolutely NOTHING. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 Maybe he was having a bad day and it had nothing to do with you. Try not to worry about things that you have no control over. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 I agree he was just having a bad day and was probably giving everyone the bad looks. Stop reading into it. Just move on and ignore it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saxony Posted March 27, 2023 Author Share Posted March 27, 2023 18 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Maybe he was having a bad day and it had nothing to do with you. Try not to worry about things that you have no control over. I doubt it. He saw me and then turned his back on me and then looked back again and pretended to look at the street. As I passed him, he then looked at me like he was thoroughly pissed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saxony Posted March 27, 2023 Author Share Posted March 27, 2023 1 minute ago, smackie9 said: I agree he was just having a bad day and was probably giving everyone the bad looks. Stop reading into it. Just move on and ignore it. He was fine with others Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 STOP TALKING TO HIM. If you run into him and have eye contact, give a pleasant expression, say "hey" and keep walking. His behavior and facial expressions should have no place inside of your brain - he's not even someone you really dated, or anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 Whatever he is feeling or thinking, is meaningless to you. You two are not dating so what does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 46 minutes ago, Saxony said: I tried to leave him by even telling him that if he doesnt want to talk to me, it's okay I won't bother him ever again. But he refuses to stop talking and we continued to talk. Why don't you be the one to stop talking. Have you tried that yet? 3 minutes ago, Saxony said: He was fine with others So you're the one who's looking at him. Otherwise you wouldn't know how he's acting with other people. Stop staring at this guy wanting his attention. Leave him alone because he's not interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 49 minutes ago, Saxony said: I doubt it. He saw me and then turned his back on me and then looked back again and pretended to look at the street. As I passed him, he then looked at me like he was thoroughly pissed In a matter of seconds, you've told yourself an entire story that you aren't even aware is true. Is a dirty look really so alarming to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 1 hour ago, Saxony said: It isn't meaningless that's why I'm asking. Now can you please tell me what it is or ay least give an opinion rather than telling me what to do or not to do? In reality, only one language matters. Do you see him as someone who is trying? It doesn't feel like it from where I am standing. You have invested and tested, and he is uninterested. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 To me this is simple. Here’s my take on it; He’s irritated by your presence! I think that when he sees you he goes from surprise to irritation to wanting to flee, then thinking “I may as well just make conversation to be polite”. This would explain his rapid change of body language and facial expressions. If you’ve been making a nuisance of yourself by stalking him I would think that he will do/ say whatever to get himself out of an interaction with you as quickly as possible without (hopefully) pushing your buttons or giving you false hope. I’m very sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, and I don’t mean to upset you but it’s important you get honest opinions. I’d advise you move on. Don’t communicate with him and don’t approach him. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 Apparently he wants you "as a friend." Being a friend with a former partner (even a hookup/FWB) can be awkward and part of that is there can be some "emotionally instability." It sounds like he is trying to be mature, but - you said he was jilted, so he probably carries some lingering resentment that can get triggered. It's weird (to me) that he only wanted hookups but also insists on hanging around. People are strange and can have "attachment style" issues - he seems to be unable to figure out what he wants, or perhaps he DID figure that out, but emotions are still in a play a bit. Perhaps his "style" of relationships is "from a distance" dunno, there are people who are like that. Anyhow, unless you're both going for the VERY long game here, you may be best forgetting all about him and moving on if you haven't already. Beware of him being just close enough to start interfering if/when you start a new relationship - orbiters can sometimes do this. They (sometimes) feel a "claim" of sorts to the other person even if they can't have them or know at some level that they don't actually want them. Emotions can be weird this way. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 (edited) I don't know if this is the same poster or if several people have this scenario. It comes up over and over: The guy is basically a stranger. You never really dated. You are not friends. You don't even know each other on any level, but you have an obsession with him. Therefore, you think that all the looks on his face or directions he casts his eyeballs, or words you hear him speaking to other people have something to do with you. They don't. You just think they do because you are hyper-focussed on this person and keyed in (inappropriately) to his facial expressions, body language and anything else you are able to observe about him. If you just switched to focussing on a different, random individual, you very well might notice them walking around with a grumpy look on their face, looking at you or away from you, behaving politely and opening a door for you if you approached a doorway together, asking you about your studies if you're in school together, etc. None of this stuff would have any covert, significant "meaning." Same goes for this guy. I mean, he's probably wishing you weren't turning up in his path as he goes about his school days - he wanted to hook up with him over a year ago. You said no. Why are all of his movements and looks still consuming you like this? They shouldn't be. Stop talking to him, stop being where you know he will be, and be genuinely polite when you must cross paths. Edited March 27, 2023 by NuevoYorko 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 Stop looking at him. Problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
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