Rik Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 (edited) I have met, and been dating and getting on great with a wonderfull 55 year woman. I am 50, we both enjoy each other and have really enjoyed sharing our time together. We don't live together, but that would be likely where it would go if we stayed together .... if I don't go abroad... I have been waiting until I can, and the time is now, for me to move to Australia, all lined up, could be awesome as I've always wanted. New life, fresh start etc. But I have been dating and falling for this woman for the past 8 months. I have told her my plans, and she has accepted it and of course we are chatting as friends still, we are genuinely good friends, but no romantic involvement anymore. She can't move abroad at the moment, so she is where she is for now. I feel it might be possible to turn it around and get back together again, and we could see if living together would really work. But that means delaying and changing my moving abroad plans, which I have longed for since my divorce 5 yrs ago. I'm in NZ, and certainly want to move from where I live in and could give settling in her town a go, living with her a go, but it means not taking a job offer in Australia and putting off my plans I didn't expect to feel this way after telling her I was definitely going to Australia, but I'm really conscious now of how great a person she is and how good we are together. Realise I've hurt her, and she being the wonderful soul she is understands why, but that just reinforces how great she is. Its a tough call, may not even be an option anymore but if it is still possible then what are your thoughts?? Thankyou ! . Edited March 22, 2023 by Rik typo's
basil67 Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 My response is a bit off topic, but will ultimately be part of the equation on moving anyway: You're probably aware of Australia's housing crisis. I'm in one of the capital cities which is very much affected - and the lack of housing and high prices is like nothing I've seen before. Have you researched where you'd live/work and whether or not you could find and afford a place to live? The reason I ask is because if housing will be hard to find, you may be better off rethinking the dream. And in this case, it opens up your opportunities to explore a relationship with this lady you're talking with. 1
Author Rik Posted March 22, 2023 Author Posted March 22, 2023 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: My response is a bit off topic, but will ultimately be part of the equation on moving anyway: You're probably aware of Australia's housing crisis. I'm in one of the capital cities which is very much affected - and the lack of housing and high prices is like nothing I've seen before. Have you researched where you'd live/work and whether or not you could find and afford a place to live? The reason I ask is because if housing will be hard to find, you may be better off rethinking the dream. And in this case, it opens up your opportunities to explore a relationship with this lady you're talking with. Thank you! I have a job sorted, and I have a friend to stay with until I can find an apartment, heading to Coffs Harbour region. I'm not too worried about those details, I'll make it work somehow, it's more the planning on moving for years then meet beautiful woman and then which way type thing! Appreciate the advice though thanks
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 2 hours ago, Rik said: I have been waiting until I can, and the time is now, for me to move to Australia, all lined up, could be awesome as I've always wanted. New life, fresh start etc. It will be tough leaving behind friends family and a life you built where you are now. However go on your adventure or you may regret it. If it doesn't work out or you get homesick or it's not all it seems to be, you can always move back home. Keep in mind this dream was borne after your divorce with a 'fresh start' concept. 1
JTSW Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 Continue with your plans to move. You and this woman are not currently romantically involved. It's a big risk to stay on a 'what if'. Go live out your dream and as Wiseman said, if it's not what you expected, you can move back. 2
LuckyM Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 I say move and just maybe she will move there too one day. I think you know this. You or her could visit or else you will find someone new 1
Els Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 (edited) Take the job offer. Honestly, moving between NZ and Aus is more like moving between states than between countries (cue the jokes about which country is the "extra state", heh). You both automatically have the right to live and work indefinitely in either country without any visa issues. Flights aren't too expensive and they are so short. It's called "crossing the ditch" for a reason. As for the relationship, just go with the flow and see how it turns out. Maybe you'll go to Aus and you'll have a LDR for a while. Maybe you'll move, decide you prefer NZ, and quit and go back. Maybe she'll eventually want to move to Aus. Or... maybe it might fizzle out naturally before you even move. You won't know any of that until you try. Edited March 23, 2023 by Els 1
Els Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 On 3/22/2023 at 3:51 PM, Rik said: I have a job sorted, and I have a friend to stay with until I can find an apartment, heading to Coffs Harbour region. I'm not too worried about those details, I'll make it work somehow, it's more the planning on moving for years then meet beautiful woman and then which way type thing! Appreciate the advice though thanks If you have no kids/pets, have a full-time job, and aren't too fussed about where you live, you'll be fine with finding a rental. 1
Author Rik Posted March 24, 2023 Author Posted March 24, 2023 Thanks all, Yes I'm going, that kind of put a nail in the relationship anyhow, and I'm excited about the new adventure. Appreciate all your help! 2
basil67 Posted March 24, 2023 Posted March 24, 2023 Good for you! And the Coffs Coast is such a lovely area to live. 2
ShyViolet Posted March 24, 2023 Posted March 24, 2023 On 3/22/2023 at 12:25 AM, Rik said: and of course we are chatting as friends still, we are genuinely good friends, but no romantic involvement anymore. Why would you change your whole life plans for a woman with whom you have "no romantic involvement anymore"? It sounds like your relationship with her is already over. Leave it in the past. 1
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 I will go against the grain here. You said you came up with this plan after your divorce. After the end of a marriage sometimes we come up with these life changing plans that are simply our mourning process. After my last seperation l needed a change and thought l should change job, sale my home, and l almost left my executive position job of 20 years for something that would pay 30% less. Thank god l came across someone that openned my eyes on what l was about to throw away. What's the real life change here? If your plans had been to move to Norway, or Brezil, l would say alright this is really a complete life change but NZ to Australia? How is that worth losing an amazing woman? 1 1
introverted1 Posted March 26, 2023 Posted March 26, 2023 I'm also in the camp that the potential of a suitable life partner trumps moving, especially when the change is so minimal (NZ to Australia). Also, while you can delay moving by a few years, it's unlikely you can defer this relationship for a few years. If you truly think you might have a future with this woman, I say go for it. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted March 27, 2023 Posted March 27, 2023 Whatever you decide, please dump that "I know I'm hurting her" thing. Uh--exactly how are you hurting her? You hurt her because you are thinking of moving? There is no potential in this relationship if that is your thinking. Doesn't matter if you move or not move--that "hurting her" thinking will ruin things. Absolutely guaranteed.
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2023 Posted March 27, 2023 (edited) On 3/22/2023 at 12:25 AM, Rik said: Realise I've hurt her, and she being the wonderful soul she is understands why, but that just reinforces how great she is Something just dawn on me after reading @Lotsgoingonpost. So she's hurt but are you? If you are not equally broken down by the split then l'd say you appreciated her but were not 'in love' because couples in love find their solutions and won't let anything come in their way. So yah, if this woman did not totally capture your heart then let her go, stop the being friends, it's cruel to her if you plan on leaving. Sometimes having respect for someone is to cut your tie so they can move on to someone else. Edited March 27, 2023 by Gaeta
Maldives Posted March 29, 2023 Posted March 29, 2023 (edited) I'd stay. I was in a similar situation many moons ago while 25 years ago. Actually when I was a lot younger fell in love but had dreams of working over in Canada. I didn't end up going but me planning to go and all that stuffed up the relationship and I regretted it up to you. I mean I've moved into state away from my home where I grew up and I've been where I am now for 9 years. In hindsight, I should have never left. The grass is not always greener but at the end of the day it's your choice. But I can tell you you will get home sick. You'll miss family and friends and you'll eventually probably feel like me plan on coming back. The problem with this is if you don't get it out of your system, you'll always have it in the back of your head. But trust me you're not missing much by going overseas. It's definitely a wonderful experience and I would encourage you if you hadn't met her, but now you have your choice at the end of the day Edited March 29, 2023 by Goodguy05 1
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