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I'm in Love With My Ex Girlfriend's Best Friend

ericw899

By ericw899
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ericw899 Established Member

ericw899

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Hello,

I've been broken up with my girlfriend of 10 months for about a month and a half now. We stopped talking for a bit and just recently we started talking again and things have been going pretty good between us. We still kind of act like a couple but we are not officially back together and honestly I'm really not ready to be back together anyway. The past week and a half she has been dealing with some health problems so she has been hospitalized and I've been there to visit her everyday and be there by her side. Last night when I went to visit her, her best friend whom I've never met before happened to be at the hospital visiting her as well. My ex always spoke very highly of this girl but I've never met her until last night since they are fairly new friends, but I know they're close. The second I met this girl, I felt like it was love at first sight. She was nothing like any girl I had ever met in my entire life and I was just in aw. She was literally the sweetest, kindest soul I had ever met, her personality just lit up the entire room, and her self confidence was so attractive. She also is extremely pretty and very educated and so well put together I just felt like I fell in love with her. I wound up talking to her quite a bit and we had great conversation, which is rare for me to meet someone new (especially an attractive woman) and just hit it off right away conversation wise. At the end of visiting hours, I walked her out to the lobby and my ex offered I drive her to her car since she parked far away and I did, and even on the ride to her car we had great conversation, and I felt so comfortable like she was my girlfriend, even though I only had just met her. Once she was safely to her car we said our goodbyes and went on our way. My ex has been telling me that her friend said multiple times that she was very happy to have been able to meet me and she thinks I'm a great person and I told my ex to tell her I thought she was a total sweetheart, which her friend was very appreciative of. So now, I'm just overwhelmed with emotions and I don't know what to do. I still do love my ex, and we are on pretty good terms, but at the same time I feel so strongly for her friend and I feel like her friend would actually date me too if circumstances were different, but I know it could never happen because I can't do that to my ex and she would never ruin their friendship. So I really don't know what to do. Her friend is literally my ideal girl and it's so hard not being able to even have a chance with her. I love my ex but deep down I don't believe we have a future together. Our relationship was so toxic I don't think it can ever be repaired. So I may have found the love of my life but I can't even act on it and that really sucks...cause I hate to miss out

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
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You are getting way ahead of yourself, Eric. 

You aren't in love with her. She isn't the love of your life. You hardly know her. You thought she was attractive but you know next to nothing about this person. You need to learn to distinguish between lust and love, because you've got them all mixed up here and you're getting carried away. 

It is also very unlikely this woman would even consider you, given that you are her best friend's ex. And you're not understanding why your ex told you she thought you were a good guy. You seem to hope it's because she's crushing on you, while it more than likely because your ex is happy her friend approves of you - for herself. Not for her friend. 

It sounds like you need to take your space from your ex. If you don't see you two getting back together, you need to stop giving her mixed signals by visiting her or talking to her. And this best friend? You should keep in mind that she is a stranger to you and learn to get a handle on your emotions. Keep perspective. 

  • Like 4
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
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4 hours ago, ericw899 said:

 she has been hospitalized and I've been there to visit her everyday. her best friend whom I've never met before happened to be at the hospital . The second I met this girl, I felt like it was love at first sight. 

It was nice of you to visit her, but you need to let go. Stop trying to be friends.

Trying to pick up her friends while she's in the hospital will obviously never work. 

Perhaps it's time to let go completely and free yourself so you can start talking to and meeting appropriate women in appropriate settings.

suckered Established Member

suckered

Posted
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You find her best friend highly physically attractive. That's it. You projecting so many things about her personality when in reality you don't know her at all. If she wasn't as attractive, your perception of her personalty would be different too.

Please stop visiting your ex and giving her false hope while literally trying to pick up at her hospital bed.

Edited by suckered
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
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First, you need to cut things with your ex. it's not good to visit an ex in the hospital--especially everyday. Dude, that is not separated people do. You're acting like you are still dating, and you admit you don't want to reconcile with her.

 Before you can even devote a neuron of thought to your ex's friend your first step is to act like your ex is an ex.

When we break up, we lose the support of the former partner.  Let your ex call friends and family to visit her. See because now, you are going to have to say "no" at some point because you're acting like you're together. So you have now added another "breakup" conversation to the mix by hanging with her. 

Trust me: her close friend ain't going to be interested in a guy who (for all intents and purposes) is till dating her friend! People pay attention to how we act--not just what we say. I say let go ... clear ex fully out of your system ... and see if somehow you meet this woman later. 

I hear you on how stunning this woman was. Sometimes (not always) that's a lot of fantasy we project onto the person based on a single meeting. 

 

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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If you're broken up stop visiting your ex at the hospital evert day.  That is giving her false hope that you still love her and want to get back together.  Aren't her relatives there to see about her?  It's not your responsibility.  Also by not visiting her again you won't run into her friend who you are crushing on and can get over it.  

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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You need to stop saying that a girl you've met ONCE is "the love of your life."  That is very immature thinking.  There's no way that you could know that a person you have met once is the love of your life.  The idea of "love at first sight" is a cliche but it's not reality.  You were very attracted to her.  That is what happened and it's ok to admit that.  But stop kidding yourself.

I am not understanding why you choose to remain so involved with your ex when you know you never want to get back together with her.  That is a poor decision and it's only stringing her along.  It would be wise to distance yourself and move on.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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OMG you are going to destroy their friendship. How selfish is that. And the fact your ex is thinking you are wanting to get back with her...ugh. 

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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This is not being in love. Being in love happens after dating for 2-3-4 months and the person starts to have meaning to us. You still 'love' your ex, you need to figure out what it means to you. You can 'love' her as in being attached and have respect toward her but it doesn't mean you're still in love. I think you need figure out what is love exactly. 

Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

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Op, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck, it’s a duck! You can call a duck a chicken but it still doesn’t change the fact it’s a duck. 
 

You can call your girlfriend an ex and say that you don’t want to be with her. However the truth is that she IS your girlfriend.

First things first: accept the duck! Stop behaving like her boyfriend and saying that you’re not. That is wrong. 
 

If you don’t want to be with her, break up with her and do it properly. Then leave her alone. 
 

In relation to the friend. No chance! The only way that you can get to the friend is by you being a bad boyfriend and the friend being a bad friend. Highly unlikely, and even if something did happen between you it would be unlikely to last. 
 

Make a clean break and move on with your life. 
 

 

Edited by Calmandfocused
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