free_radicals Posted March 15, 2023 Posted March 15, 2023 I have HSV-1, which is the kind that gives me a cold sore on my lip. No genital herpes. I'm debating whether disclosing this before our first date, or during. Before- good because if it's a deal breaker, then a 1st date may not matter. And if not a deal breaker, she'll know if a kissing moment comes. But bad because she won't even have the opportunity to know me as a person if it's a deal breaker. During- good because then she'll have the opportunity to actually meet me. And if there's a spark, it may not matter. But bad because it may kill the vibe, particularly if a kissing moment comes. Thoughts??
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2023 Posted March 15, 2023 (edited) By the age of 40 about 80% of population carries hsv-1. So 80% of chance she has it. Don't make a big deal out of this. Tell her on 3rd date sometimes you get cold sores. Edited March 15, 2023 by Gaeta 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 1 hour ago, free_radicals said: . I'm debating whether disclosing this before our first date, or during. Wait until before you get physical. Announcing it before or during the first meeting serves no purpose.
JTSW Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 Let her get to know you for a while first. Have a few dates and get to know each other. Develop a connection.
bene Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 Come on, it’s a cold sore, not leprocy. Doesn’t it only transfer in acute stage? So don’t kiss when you have the cold sores (and some time after it’s cleared up). I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Definitely not before the first date, it would just come across weird.
smackie9 Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 Cold sores are very common, I wouldn't worry about it.
Alpacalia Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 (edited) I haven't ever gotten a cold sore and no experience with HSV-1 but I hear they can be quite painful. Just focus on taking care of yourself. People spread things like colds and what not and they don't always disclose they have a cold. This isn't that big of a deal. Just don't kiss anyone before it's cleared and you're good to go. Edited March 16, 2023 by Alpacalia
David33 Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 I'm more in the come out and say it right away camp. Find out over the phone before the first date if you can. If that's going to bother them, you should want to know asap. There's so many reasons people don't get together or break-up over (finances, infidelity, mental issues, incompatibility, family struggles, medical issues, they hate dogs, etc.). If a skin condition is going to scare them off then perhaps they're not strong enough to handle some of life's challenges that will inevitably happen. 1
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 2 minutes ago, David33 said: I'm more in the come out and say it right away camp. Find out over the phone before the first date if you can. If that's going to bother them, you should want to know asap. As an hsv2 carrier my experience has been to let people see you in real, feel your personality, be in the presence of your energy a couple of dates then you tell them. Online is like a big catalogue and it's easy to turn the page on stupid stuff like wrong eye color. A good first date is hard to forget. I met men that would have never dated a woman with hsv2 hut when they met me and felt our chemistry they gave it a shot. To me hsv1 is insignificant. I met over 200 men online so technically 160 of them had cold sores in their life. No one ever brought that up. 1
Alpacalia Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 Good point. @David33 The decision of when to disclose that you have HSV-1 is a personal one. Certainly, transparency is important with potential partners, but it needs to be done in a way that won't embarrass them or make him feel uncomfortable. If he's online dating, is he going to announce over the phone to each prospective date that he has cold sores? 1
CK1dad Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 I carry HSV-1 as well. Sucks, but it is what it is. I always disclose it because it's part of due diligence but not on date #1, but before anything any kissing or stuff. Cold sores are not really a big deal, yes, but at the same time there is a risk of transmission so it's up to the carrier to disclose. I have never been rejected base on that info. 3
Alvi Posted March 16, 2023 Posted March 16, 2023 I started having cold sores since I was 5 or 6 year-old. It sucks, but nothing much I can do about it. It is what it is. There are people with a lot worse ailments out there I keep reminding myself whenever I get a cold sore blister. Anyway, it was never a big deal for me when it came to dating. I never had a guy saying no to dating me because of a cold sore. My ex and my current BF both have cold sores as well. For all you know, this woman also has a HSV-1. In any case, anything and everything can be viewed as a dealbreaker. Your height, age, weight, home, income, job, kids, etc... Cold sore is one of a million reasons why someone might reject you. i say, disclose it before you actually kiss her. Or after few dates. But it is up to you. I am pretty sure in this day and age she is more than likely perfectly aware about a risk of catching something from engaging in any sort of sexual activity, such as kissing, oral sex, full blown sex, etc....You can end up with a strep throat or a mono from kissing someone. But as an adult, it is up to you to decide weather or not take any risks. 2
David33 Posted March 17, 2023 Posted March 17, 2023 (edited) I should have mentioned that I've lived with HSV-2 for over 35 years. I was married for 24+ years, dated for 2, 3 and 5 years with different partners and now in a relationship for 7 months. I participate in HSV/HPV support groups in my local area so I hear a lot of stories and different people's struggles and successes. I believe that when you find the person who sees all of you, it's wonderful and a cold sore, blister or red patch doesn't matter because they want you just as you are. You make their life beautiful and, hopefully, vice-versa. If you believe you have something to give someone and can accept their love, go for it. You won't regret giving someone the chance to love you. If they take that opportunity, it will be amazing. Edited March 17, 2023 by David33 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 17, 2023 Posted March 17, 2023 No, no., no! I had a gf who had the herpes 1 ... Can't exactly remember when she disclosed but it was not on the first date or second or third or fourth! And that was fine. I didn't need to know that. Do NOT disclose on first date. You see if she's worthy on a first date ... and you show that you are worthy. And second and third. 1
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