Ryan_B Posted March 8, 2023 Posted March 8, 2023 Hello. Some of you will have seen me on here before! I am a divorced father of two and 30 years of age. I've been single for 2 and a half years, divorced for about 1 year. In that time, I've had a few dates with women, but never really felt much connection and they've always faded out. I don't have much chance of meeting people due to working full time and having 2 children, so it's rare that I get to speak to a woman and go on dates etc! It's always online that I meet someone if I'm that lucky. Last week I met a girl online, she's 2 years older than me. We went for a quick drink one evening (she had a child but he was at a friend's house that night). It went really well, and I've been round hers twice since then, in the evening, just to chill on the sofa, having cuddles and talking etc (nothing sexual, other than lots of kissing!!). I was there last night until about 12pm. When I left she said she wants to see me again and hoped that she can arrange childcare for her boy this Saturday as I do t have my girls then, so we can spend the day together. However, today, she's hardly messaged me, if I ask her anything about Saturday, she doesn't reply to the message and I just get very short 2/3 word texts back, but not about anything in particular. I don't think she's asked her friend about childcare on Saturday like she said she would do and it seems like she's not wanting to speak to me anymore. I really like her, more than anyone else I've dated the last year or 2 and really wanted to see how things developed with her, but it seems like it's just fizzling out already, despite her being seemingly very keen on me just last night. It's actually really upset me and bothering me, as I felt an instant spark/connection with her. Had anyone got any advice please?!
Acacia98 Posted March 8, 2023 Posted March 8, 2023 It sounds like you've already reached out to her and indicated your interest in seeing her again. So you've done your bit. Now, sit back, relax, and allow her to play her part. If you don't hear from her again, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and prepare for the next experience. Alternatively, you can take a break from dating if the ups and downs are a bit too much for you to handle right now. Don't worry too much if you don't hear from her again. That is the nature of online dating and dating in general. People can lose interest for all sorts of reasons, including reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with what you said or did. For instance, the person may reconcile with their ex, the person may feel that they're still healing from a previous relationship and are not quite ready to date, or they may find it difficult to balance parenting with an active social life/love life. So don't take apparent rejection too personally if it does happen. 1
Author Ryan_B Posted March 8, 2023 Author Posted March 8, 2023 11 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: It sounds like you've already reached out to her and indicated your interest in seeing her again. So you've done your bit. Now, sit back, relax, and allow her to play her part. If you don't hear from her again, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and prepare for the next experience. Alternatively, you can take a break from dating if the ups and downs are a bit too much for you to handle right now. Don't worry too much if you don't hear from her again. That is the nature of online dating and dating in general. People can lose interest for all sorts of reasons, including reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with what you said or did. For instance, the person may reconcile with their ex, the person may feel that they're still healing from a previous relationship and are not quite ready to date, or they may find it difficult to balance parenting with an active social life/love life. So don't take apparent rejection too personally if it does happen. I know exactly what you mean and know how people can change their minds on what they want etc, but it's just saddened me that only last night, when I left her house, she told me how much she liked me and couldn't wait to see me on Saturday, and seemed to be really interested in me, and the. Suddenly today she's gone totally the opposite, ignoring my messages and if she does reply, it's just a one word answer or whatever. I really do like her aswell!
lonelyplanetmoon Posted March 8, 2023 Posted March 8, 2023 Liking somebody a lot does not propel a healthy relationship forward. The other person has to like you just as much for it to be a good relationship. If you do not see her reciprocate then you need to start running the other way, instead of running toward her. I know it sucks to be lead in one direction only to end up here. But this is where you should be doing the self assessment of what you want. 1
Acacia98 Posted March 9, 2023 Posted March 9, 2023 8 hours ago, Ryan_B said: I know exactly what you mean and know how people can change their minds on what they want etc, but it's just saddened me that only last night, when I left her house, she told me how much she liked me and couldn't wait to see me on Saturday, and seemed to be really interested in me, and the. Suddenly today she's gone totally the opposite, ignoring my messages and if she does reply, it's just a one word answer or whatever. I really do like her aswell! I totally empathize. But remember, you only met her one week ago. It's not a good idea to be so heavily invested in a particular outcome so early in the process of getting to know someone. There is so much you don't know about them at that point. What I'm going to say next is based on speculation. So it may or may not be relevant. IMO, three dates with someone you've just met within a period of one week or a little more than one week can be a lot, especially if you have a kid. It is possible that she engaged in some kind of self-assessment and felt like it was too much and she might be shortchanging her kid. So she took a huge step back to see if she could plan things better or to prioritize her kid. It's great to meet someone you connect with so well. But some folks haven't figured out how to balance that well with their responsibilities toward their kids. So if they feel like their excitement about the new gal or guy is gonna impact the amount of time they spend with their kids and how they relate to their kids, they may be wary about it. Then again, it's possible that she's just flaky: totally enthusiastic one moment then disinterested the next. You don't know enough about her to say for sure. So you need to adjust your expectations considerably to protect your heart. It's also important that you give her plenty of space so that if she chooses to resurface, she does so under terms she is comfortable with.
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2023 Posted March 9, 2023 9 hours ago, Ryan_B said: I was there last night until about 12pm.However, today, she's hardly messaged me, It seems to be going well if she's already invited you to her place. Give it some time . You just saw her last night. Lay back on the texting and perhaps give her time to secure childcare plans.
ccas93 Posted March 9, 2023 Posted March 9, 2023 probably likes being with you and finds you attractive, but is a busy single mom and maybe feeling some expectation/some smothering from you that she's not ready for. I'm not saying that you are doing that, but maybe check your behavior. maybe adjust your perception to: "we've been on a few dates and I really like her" to "we've been on a few dates and she seems attractive and fun so far but I'm still getting to know her" 1
ZA Dater Posted March 9, 2023 Posted March 9, 2023 I think you should not over think too much and rather not adopt negative thinking, there could be a reason she has not responded BUT I do understand what you mean and being ghosted is really how OLD seems to operate because well some people realize they have lots of choice and consequently can pick and choose with little regard to those they reject in the process. Everything you mention sounds good, try keep positive.
JTSW Posted March 9, 2023 Posted March 9, 2023 Dude, slow down. You were with her mere hours ago and already you're panicking. Remember she is a single mother which can be very time consuming. She is probably just in work and busy. Stop overthinking it and just relax.
smackie9 Posted March 11, 2023 Posted March 11, 2023 You don't really know this person, only what she had told you, and there could always be more to it. She could be seeing someone else or others, has a BF, has trouble with the ex, or she's one of those hot/cold people that when things heat up, they turn off due to insecurities. You are getting way too invested....take a step back, lower your expectations.
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