Sudden change of mind?

[SlimShadysWife]

Had a good friend, out of no where tell me that he liked me throughout our friendship. He had been in a serious relationship for a good chunk of our friendship so i wouldnt have guessed. We've know eachother for plenty of years. He never gave me any indication that he saw me like that. strictly friend vibes. He was a classmate.

I thought he was good looking but he still wasn't my type in other ways so I never even saw him like that. After he admitted to liking me, he started talking to me differently in a flirtatious way, i saw a different side...I started falling for him. I told him I liked him and started flirting back. Our dynamic was different.

Out of a sudden short after him telling me this maybe two months, his tone changed and he stopped talking to me as frequent, mind you we messaged eachother almost everyday since we met. I was so confused 😕  I just flat out asked him if he still liked me, he responded...."what does it matter, you rejected me". I didn't reject him, i made that clear to him. Now, When he would message me, it would either him asking me for advice about another girl, like ouch? Or asking me about another guy we went to school with who liked me and I've ACTUALLY REJECTED so many times and he knows this. He just asks to tease me in a playful way. 

I told him I think it's sad that we barely talk anymore and he just apologized. I'm aware he's allowed not to talk to me, I just think the sudden talking everyday to hardly ever is because he feels some type of way? Because even when he was dating other girls he still talked to me all the time. I just don't get what the point of all this noise was.

Insight?

Edited March 3, 2023 by justaskingok

[Acacia98]

It kind of sounds like he's one of those people who like to play convoluted mind games. What was the point of him telling you about how he liked you back when he was in a relationship and then somehow managing not to ask you out when you are both single? He could have just told you he liked you in the present moment when you were both single and asked you out.

Of course, it's possible that I completely misunderstood your post and am wrong.

Edited March 3, 2023 by Acacia98

[SlimShadysWife]

10 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

It kind of sounds like he's one of those people who like to play convoluted mind games. What was the point of him telling you about how he liked you back when he was in a relationship and then somehow managing not to ask you out when you are both single? He could have just told you he liked you in the present moment when you were both single and asked you out.

Of course, it's possible that I completely misunderstood your post and am wrong.

 

He used the " I liked you back then" as an icebreaker to tell me he liked me still. And we were talking like we were getting to know eavhother all over again in a way we didn't know eachother before. We were flirting.

He even brought up marriage. All the years I've known him and him being in relationships he was always loyal, no games. Very romantic. He was never a  "bad boy" in the way of playing mind games.

 

All of a sudden I rejected him. Maybe a cop out.

Edited March 3, 2023 by justaskingok

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

Now, When he would message me, it would either him asking me for advice about another girl, like ouch?

He's probably talking to another girl and that is why he's pulling away.  He knows you didn't reject him he's just saying that as an excuse.  If he were interested he would have asked you out and tried to date you.  

[NuevoYorko]

I guess he had a crush on you that never developed into anything he felt like pursuing.  Or, maybe he's  socially inept.

[SlimShadysWife]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

He's probably talking to another girl and that is why he's pulling away.  He knows you didn't reject him he's just saying that as an excuse.  If he were interested he would have asked you out and tried to date you.  

Exactly!!!!!! I know hes dating other girls. He told me he took one out for dinner lol. He has asked me out on a date but I moved and live kinda far.

[stillafool]

Just now, justaskingok said:

Exactly!!!!!! I know hes dating other girls. He told me he took one out for dinner lol. He has asked me out on a date but I moved and live kinda far.

You can't cultivate a relationship if you never see each other.  Why don't you chose a man who lives closer so you can see him in person?

[SlimShadysWife]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You can't cultivate a relationship if you never see each other.  Why don't you chose a man who lives closer so you can see him in person?

The guys here are icky .

by far i mean 1- 45 mins away. To be honest he was busy with school and work. And by the time we had time he cold shouldered me.

Edited March 3, 2023 by justaskingok

[SlimShadysWife]

And he told me that the girl he went on a dinner date with ...rejected him. He was so sad.

Lol does he even know the meaning of rejection. 

[SlimShadysWife]

he sent me these two songs...he's the type to subliminally say things on social media rather than confronting the issue. I go directly to the person.

idk what he's trying to get at.

Edited March 3, 2023 by justaskingok

[Alpacalia]

So send him one back:

 

[Acacia98]

14 hours ago, justaskingok said:

 

He used the " I liked you back then" as an icebreaker to tell me he liked me still. And we were talking like we were getting to know eavhother all over again in a way we didn't know eachother before. We were flirting.

He even brought up marriage. All the years I've known him and him being in relationships he was always loyal, no games. Very romantic. He was never a  "bad boy" in the way of playing mind games.

 

All of a sudden I rejected him. Maybe a cop out.

Thanks for the clarification.

I don't think this guy is very serious with you. Flirting is, arguably, something that could lead to a relationship. But he never actually asked you to be his girlfriend (which I think should have been the next logical step). Instead, he started dating other women simultaneously. His talking about marriage doesn't actually mean anything in that context. 

He is playing mind games with you. You may not see it now, but there is something manipulative about his talking to you about marriage and then "dumping" you, his claiming you rejected him when you didn't, and his talking to you about other women he's dating. Ditto his sending you songs and expecting you to figure out what they mean instead of just communicating in a straightforward manner with you.

Edited March 4, 2023 by Acacia98

[Alpacalia]

Based on what you wrote it would seem that your friend harbored feelings for you for a long time, but never revealed them until recently. When he did confess, your relationship dynamic changed, and you started to see him differently. However, it seems that he was hurt by your initial response or the way in which you reciprocated his feelings.

You said: "I thought he was good looking but he still wasn't my type in other ways so I never even saw him like that."

You mentioned that you didn't see him in a romantic way before he confessed his feelings, which may have led to confusion on his part. After you both acknowledged your mutual attraction, his behavior became inconsistent and puzzling, which suggests that he may have had certain expectations about how things would unfold between you two.

15 hours ago, justaskingok said:

He has asked me out on a date but I moved and live kinda far.

It's possible that he felt rejected or hurt when you didn't reciprocate his feelings in the way he hoped, which may explain his subsequent actions, such as seeking advice about other girls or teasing you about another guy who liked you. These behaviors may be a way for him to cope with his feelings or to try and move on from his crush on you. If he was expecting you to reciprocate his feelings but when that didn't happen, he felt disappointed or perhaps even embarrassed and it changed the dynamic between you two. 

As you said, you moved and live quite far away and declined his date offer, which seems like you pushed the brakes on it.

The best advice I can give is to communicate with your friend openly and honestly about how you feel. 

Hopefully, that can help resolve any misunderstanding. 

If he's not ready to engage with you in the way that he used to, you should try to accept that and move on with your life. It's not worth obsessing over someone who is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, and there are plenty of other people out there who will appreciate you for who you are.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, justaskingok said:

. I'm aware he's allowed not to talk to me

Why isn't he allowed to talk to you? Is he dating someone? Are you just friends?

[SlimShadysWife]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Based on what you wrote it would seem that your friend harbored feelings for you for a long time, but never revealed them until recently. When he did confess, your relationship dynamic changed, and you started to see him differently. However, it seems that he was hurt by your initial response or the way in which you reciprocated his feelings.

You said: "I thought he was good looking but he still wasn't my type in other ways so I never even saw him like that."

You mentioned that you didn't see him in a romantic way before he confessed his feelings, which may have led to confusion on his part. After you both acknowledged your mutual attraction, his behavior became inconsistent and puzzling, which suggests that he may have had certain expectations about how things would unfold between you two.

It's possible that he felt rejected or hurt when you didn't reciprocate his feelings in the way he hoped, which may explain his subsequent actions, such as seeking advice about other girls or teasing you about another guy who liked you. These behaviors may be a way for him to cope with his feelings or to try and move on from his crush on you. If he was expecting you to reciprocate his feelings but when that didn't happen, he felt disappointed or perhaps even embarrassed and it changed the dynamic between you two. 

As you said, you moved and live quite far away and declined his date offer, which seems like you pushed the brakes on it.

The best advice I can give is to communicate with your friend openly and honestly about how you feel. 

Hopefully, that can help resolve any misunderstanding. 

If he's not ready to engage with you in the way that he used to, you should try to accept that and move on with your life. It's not worth obsessing over someone who is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, and there are plenty of other people out there who will appreciate you for who you are.

Yeah he wasn't my type because he is very ...conservative....like I've never heard him talk about sex and is the quiet type. Whereas I'm on the total opposite. He would've waited till marriage to have sex, most likely. 

If I did reject him, he won't tell me how either because his ego, he doesn't want to feel like a softy. Or he's playing games and using that as a cop out.

 

Its all bizzare but I don't chase them, I replace them. So, his loss.  *hair flip*

I was direct with my questions, told him how I felt so I'm done . 

Edited March 4, 2023 by justaskingok

[SlimShadysWife]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why isn't he allowed to talk to you? Is he dating someone? Are you just friends?

I meant..he's under no obligation to talk to me like how he use to. Sorry about that sentence l😅 

[glows]

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

 

Its all bizzare but I don't chase them, I replace them. So, his loss.  *hair flip*

 

Lol!! Love.

In all seriousness, I think he’s probably aware chatting with you holds him back from a fulfilling relationship with someone else if he is even looking for that and not still off and on with his ex. You’re at a distance from one another and (insert all manner of excuses).

He was just teasing you and flirting earlier. It sounds worse that it seems the friendship isn’t the same. I’d leave things for now and go have fun with other people and make new friends. Catch up with him later.

 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I was direct with my questions, told him how I felt so I'm done . 

The main thing to remember here is that a man who likes you will always tell you.

Never assume anything and leave it up to him.

The moment he starts ignoring you, its done.

After so many years of friendship, it's a pity it ended so abruptly.

Sounds like it's for the best.