SHIRLEY99 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 (edited) I met my online friend for the first time after a long time sending messages, swapping pics & planning our first play date We had several false starts....... Plans made but cancelled, always by him, which frustrated me & caused heated online chats & periods of no contact We finally met at his place but he appeared disinterested I summoned him to sit down very close to me ,which he did & I started to kiss him & he kissed back, joined in l stopped, spoke a few words & started kissing him again, which he accepted but he didn't touch me at all with his hands I stopped & said that he seemed uninterested, unimpressed... I don't know He didn't really say anything He doesn't say much at the best of times So that was as far as it went I am trying to understand why he would join in kissing but didn't seem interested in taking it further despite the fact that we had planned to have sex & discussed it several times Our online chats became very intense It has been suggested that maybe he is scared for some reason He, apparently, had recently left a 20year abusive relationship but he talked like someone with a lot of confidence & experience I am wondering what his reaction might have been if I took control of the situation..... continued kissing & encouraged him to touch me & maybe lead him to the bedroom etc I Really Need Some Advice Edited March 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 5 minutes ago, SHIRLEY99 said: We finally met at his place but he appeared disinterested we had planned to have sex & discussed it several times How long have you been taking? Was the purpose for trying to date/have a relationship or to hookup? Even if things are mutually agreed upon that it's for hookups, meeting in person is to access chemistry and attraction. Unfortunately in this case it didn't work out. Try to move forward.
basil67 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 (edited) One of the hallmarks of consent is 'enthusiastic participation'. As he was was a long way from being an enthusiastic participant, you did exactly the right thing by stopping The most logical explanation for his reticence is that the chemistry wasn't there for him when you met face to face. However, in the long shot that he was scared, then he likely needs therapy. All in all though, he was just a failed hookup - and one who isn't a good communicator. Move on and find someone else. Edited March 2, 2023 by basil67
stillafool Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 Maybe he was turned off by your aggressiveness. Some men get turned off when women take the lead toward sex. They feel emasculated and think the woman is too thirsty. Then again, it could be as basil said he may not have felt chemistry in person.
Alvi Posted March 3, 2023 Posted March 3, 2023 12 hours ago, SHIRLEY99 said: Plans made but cancelled, always by him, which frustrated me & caused heated online chats & periods of no contact Are we talking about a sexual encounter here? You were not expecting a serious long term relationship that could lead to a marriage with this guy, right? He was never very interested in a first place. Maybe just slightly lukewarm. Why? Who knows. 12 hours ago, SHIRLEY99 said: It has been suggested that maybe he is scared for some reason You might very well ask him what is going on and go from there. Or better yet, move on. Don't think there is going to be a shortage of guys if you are looking for just sex or a FWB type of relationship. There are plenty of guys who are going to be very eager to meet you and to make the encounter actually happen. You should be picking and choosing men that you want to have access to your body, not the other way around. Advice? Find someone else. You are probably wasting your time and energy trying to understand a guy that was never that into you to begin with.
NuevoYorko Posted March 3, 2023 Posted March 3, 2023 Sounds like he was fooling around online because it's easy and requires nothing besides the ability to type and access to the Internet or a phone. I'm sure there are millions of "online playmates" who have no capacity or real interest to do anything whatsoever in the flesh, with anybody.
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