speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 (edited) There is a girl at my office who I have a crush on, and i feel like she knows it because she asked me thrice why i get nervous. I never told her why. A few weeks later our company went to a club and a bit later she told me to come outside with her. Me, her, and another coworker (F) were standing together. The girl I like grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her and then we were really close to each other. She then put her hand on my tummy while she was quiet. I got really nervous and leaned away. She noticed that and put her hand again on my tummy. I was really nervous and was looking down on the floor while she was looking at my eyes, none of us were talking. The other coworker noticed that but pretended to not have seen it by turning away from us. After a week or so after that stuff she started to eat lunch with me. Everyone else goes outside to eat lunch but i sit in the office’s kitchen. She says hi and asks me how i am, asks me my hobbies, graduation, future, small talk basically. Yesterday she asked me again why i get nervous and i didn't know what to say so i just kept quiet. She has also asked me if i have a crush on someone, and i didn't tell her. Why is she doing that? And how can she tell so easily that I get nervous and havent talked to girls (no experience)? It baffles me how easily she read my mind. Edited March 2, 2023 by speca3 Extra info
mortensorchid Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 She is teasing that's for sure. She seems interested by the touching and the chatting. If you like her, ask her out. However, I have said this before and will say it again : coworkers are not friends. I have been abused and ripped to shreds by coworkers - on, above or below my level. I hope this doesn't happen to you as you both sound like you are young and rather nieve as you still are in your early / mid twenties. I am cold and indifferent to coworkers. Plus does your company approve of coworkers dating? Also think of that.
Ami1uwant Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 It seems like she is interested and you might have missed an opportunity. does the work place have anti dating policy? as to what the poster above me said… generally coworkers are acquaintances. Are they real frirnds—- only if you leave worth will you really know. True friends stay friends. And still communicate with you. you need to be careful of coworkers because they can backstab you to get ahead.
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 2 hours ago, mortensorchid said: She is teasing that's for sure. She seems interested by the touching and the chatting. If you like her, ask her out. However, I have said this before and will say it again : coworkers are not friends. I have been abused and ripped to shreds by coworkers - on, above or below my level. I hope this doesn't happen to you as you both sound like you are young and rather nieve as you still are in your early / mid twenties. I am cold and indifferent to coworkers. Plus does your company approve of coworkers dating? Also think of that. I’m not sure about my company’s policy. I joined about 3 months ago. She is the HR and I’m a software developer. i would gladly ask her out if i had concrete signs about her liking me. I am not entirely sure if she was just being friends or is interested so i asked on here.
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: It seems like she is interested and you might have missed an opportunity. does the work place have anti dating policy? as to what the poster above me said… generally coworkers are acquaintances. Are they real frirnds—- only if you leave worth will you really know. True friends stay friends. And still communicate with you. you need to be careful of coworkers because they can backstab you to get ahead. sorry what do you mean by missing an opportunity? I’m not sure if my company has an anti dating policy. Its a pretty new company, about a year old now and i havent ever asked about dating policies. she is the HR as i said above and im a software developer. Could she somehow abuse that?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 5 hours ago, speca3 said: And how can she tell so easily that I get nervous Because it's very obvious that you are nervous, OP. Based on your description, anyone watching your interactions with her would see that immediately. No mind-reading necessary. All you can do is ask her to get a coffee with you sometime.
glows Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 I’d probably steer clear of this one. Why was she touching your tummy? Were you all tipsy or drunk from the club? How is this romantic except to feel for gas? Seeing as she’s HR… not a good idea. You can try but from the sounds of it even you aren’t too convinced in taking the risk or jeopardizing your job. 1
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 40 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Because it's very obvious that you are nervous, OP. Based on your description, anyone watching your interactions with her would see that immediately. No mind-reading necessary. All you can do is ask her to get a coffee with you sometime. So does she know that i like her?
basil67 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 Yeah, touching/feeling your stomach is very weird and it's no surprise you got nervous. That she did it again when she noticed is not cool. I'd give her a wide berth 1
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 28 minutes ago, glows said: I’d probably steer clear of this one. Why was she touching your tummy? Were you all tipsy or drunk from the club? How is this romantic except to feel for gas? Seeing as she’s HR… not a good idea. You can try but from the sounds of it even you aren’t too convinced in taking the risk or jeopardizing your job. I’m not sure why she was touching my tummy. I dont drink at all, and she wasnt drunk or had any drinks either. I’m not sure why she did that. You know those poses in pics that some girls do where they put their hand on the guy’s tummy and stand very close? Something like that, except that she was looking at me. like i said, i cant tell what her motives are for her to do that. If she is the HR and a coworker, why is she touching me like that? Isnt that inappropriate?
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: Yeah, touching/feeling your stomach is very weird and it's no surprise you got nervous. That she did it again when she noticed is not cool. I'd give her a wide berth The thing that also matters a lot here is that i barely know her. I joined about 3-4 months ago and havent ever talked to her besides professional stuff about sending her documents and signing something. And then she does something thats way too personal for my liking.
basil67 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 1 minute ago, speca3 said: The thing that also matters a lot here is that i barely know her. I joined about 3-4 months ago and havent ever talked to her besides professional stuff about sending her documents and signing something. And then she does something thats way too personal for my liking. You could report her or you could let it go. But either way, it would be best if you avoid her
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 2 hours ago, speca3 said: . If she is the HR and a coworker, why is she touching me like that? Isnt that inappropriate? Yes it's inappropriate. The best thing you can do is distance yourself and keep things professional. Don't eat lunch together and don't socialize or communicate outside of work. May she's the office flirt or just wants attention, but steer clear of her.
JTSW Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 Ok, she couldn't be more obvious that she is into you. She is definitely interested. She tried to get close to you outside of work (which is not weird in my opinion) but you didn't take the bait. What do you want exactly OP? You say you have a crush on her and she obviously has one on you, so what would you like to happen? Would you like to date her? I understand that dating a colleague is not always the best idea but it has worked out for some. 1
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 3 minutes ago, JTSW said: Ok, she couldn't be more obvious that she is into you. She is definitely interested. She tried to get close to you outside of work (which is not weird in my opinion) but you didn't take the bait. What do you want exactly OP? You say you have a crush on her and she obviously has one on you, so what would you like to happen? Would you like to date her? I understand that dating a colleague is not always the best idea but it has worked out for some. I just wasnt sure if she is interested or just being nice. Yes i do like her but the thing is that I’m not sure if its a good to do something about it because, lets say even if i ask her out, and she says no, it will be weird at work after that. even though i am attracted to her i dont think touching is appropriate given that i barely know her. Its something that’s reserved for people you are close to. I can understand touching someone’s arm for a second. But placing your hand on someone’s tummy and also keeping it there, and then also touching again when the other person leans away, is too much right now. If i did that to a girl i would feel like I’m being aggressive. 1
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes it's inappropriate. The best thing you can do is distance yourself and keep things professional. Don't eat lunch together and don't socialize or communicate outside of work. May she's the office flirt or just wants attention, but steer clear of her. I told a coworker who knows her and also used to be my college mate before we graduated. He told me that she is very outgoing and knows how to “give a hint”. i asked him if she does that to everyone, he said no. Not sure if that clears something up.
JTSW Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 6 minutes ago, speca3 said: i dont think touching is appropriate given that i barely know her. It was outside of work and she was trying to get to know you and get closer to you. I don't think she did anything wrong. 4 minutes ago, speca3 said: I told a coworker who knows her and also used to be my college mate before we graduated. He told me that she is very outgoing and knows how to “give a hint”. i asked him if she does that to everyone, he said no. Not sure if that clears something up. Yeah, she's not some girl that flirts with everyone at work. She's professional at work but has been dropping hints that she likes you. Which ever way you go, I think you should talk with her about it.
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 21 minutes ago, JTSW said: It was outside of work and she was trying to get to know you and get closer to you. I don't think she did anything wrong. Yeah, she's not some girl that flirts with everyone at work. She's professional at work but has been dropping hints that she likes you. Which ever way you go, I think you should talk with her about it. Hm i see… what should i say to her? I’m not sure
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 47 minutes ago, speca3 said: . even though i am attracted to her i dont think touching is appropriate given that i barely know her. Its something that’s reserved for people you are close to. The important thing is that you feel it's inappropriate. Since she is in the HR department, it's best you reverse course and step back. Keep things professional at all times. You're right that asking her out could backfire. 1
JTSW Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 8 minutes ago, speca3 said: Hm i see… what should i say to her? I’m not sure Admit to her that you like her, you don't really have anything to lose and it doesn't have to be awkward. But also express you concerns about getting involved with a colleague.
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 Hm im confused now. Some said to avoid her and some said to tell her.
JTSW Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 34 minutes ago, speca3 said: Hm im confused now. Some said to avoid her and some said to tell her. At the end of the day it is entirely up to you. Regardless of our advice, you just have to do what you feel comfortable with.
glows Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 If you have any regard for your career, steer clear. Touching you like that was inappropriate and you seemed to think so at the time. You like her and maybe you felt conflicted. She’s someone you have an office crush on but she’s also doing something that makes you uncomfortable. At least from your description it seemed painfully and disturbingly uncomfortable. She should know better being in HR. Unfortunately any questionable behaviour from her reflects poorly on the company so you may notice that other coworkers make light of it or there are other issues while working there. I think she probably let her guard down for a moment and forgot her place. It was a company event or it reads like one from your original post up at the top. This still falls under what’s appropriate at work. What would you tell her? If you’re going to ask her out, then ask her out. Don’t tell her your feelings as it’s awkward and puts someone on the spot. I’d only go this route if you aren’t too bothered about your reputation, career or job.
Author speca3 Posted March 2, 2023 Author Posted March 2, 2023 1 hour ago, glows said: If you have any regard for your career, steer clear. Touching you like that was inappropriate and you seemed to think so at the time. You like her and maybe you felt conflicted. She’s someone you have an office crush on but she’s also doing something that makes you uncomfortable. At least from your description it seemed painfully and disturbingly uncomfortable. She should know better being in HR. Unfortunately any questionable behaviour from her reflects poorly on the company so you may notice that other coworkers make light of it or there are other issues while working there. I think she probably let her guard down for a moment and forgot her place. It was a company event or it reads like one from your original post up at the top. This still falls under what’s appropriate at work. What would you tell her? If you’re going to ask her out, then ask her out. Don’t tell her your feelings as it’s awkward and puts someone on the spot. I’d only go this route if you aren’t too bothered about your reputation, career or job. Hmm im stuck in a tricky situation. and yes it was a company event. It was the company’s first anniversary. l’ll have to think about what i want to do tbh.
Ami1uwant Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 14 hours ago, speca3 said: sorry what do you mean by missing an opportunity? I’m not sure if my company has an anti dating policy. Its a pretty new company, about a year old now and i havent ever asked about dating policies. she is the HR as i said above and im a software developer. Could she somehow abuse that? What you described coukd have bern an opportunity to kiss her. the risk in thi….what happens if it doesn’t go well. If you are in a small company will coworkers turn against you if she's well liked. Thsts after workplace rules.
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