mo477 Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 (edited) Is this cheating? Repeatedly texting comments about how pretty, hot a female is? Making plans to visit her at work? Talking about her pretty ass? 2300 text messages in 30 days. Telling her he's thinking of her regularly, texting her while with partner and family. Deleting the messages. Sending face photos back and forth. Edited March 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator clarify title
mark clemson Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 (edited) Is it cheating to you? In an ambiguous but genuinely questionable situation, that's what tends to provide clarity. Speaking for myself - in this situation, I would say yes, it certainly appears to be... Edited March 1, 2023 by mark clemson 2 1
Author mo477 Posted March 1, 2023 Author Posted March 1, 2023 Hes never touched her physically just the texting but I feel it's crossed a friendship point. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 You're ducking here. Tell us what you think and feel. To me, this is a dumping offense. Absolutely inappropriate, definitely cheating. 1
NuevoYorko Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 Well I wouldn't bother trying to figure out whether it's "cheating" or not. I would not care a bit, because I wouldn't bother seriously dating anyone who would do this. Honestly ... who WOULD do this? They're not serious about anything with you, that's a certainty. 2
basil67 Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 I've just looked at my text history and it doesn't have a text count. How are you able to discern the number of texts in a month? And what prompted you to look in their phone in the first place?
salparadise Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 Technically cheating is having sex with someone else when you're in a committed, monogamous relationship. But if it feels like betrayal to you, then technical definitions don't matter. Dump him. That's a lot of texts! Averaging 3 per hour for a month. No wonder I have trouble dating –– to me 3 per week is plenty.
Johnjohnson2017 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 If he is doing it behind your back, trying to hide it from you, then that's cheating. 1
JTSW Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 13 hours ago, mo477 said: Hes never touched her physically just the texting but I feel it's crossed a friendship point. Well he's not far off from taking it to a physical level. Planning to visit her. Telling her he can't wait to see her. Telling her how hot she is. Wake up girl, he's having an emotional affair that's about to turn into a full blown physical affair. That's if it hasn't already. Have you confronted him about what you found on his phone? 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 15 hours ago, mo477 said: Repeatedly texting comments about how pretty, hot a female is? Making plans to visit her at work? Talking about her pretty ass? 2300 text messages in 30 days. Sorry this is happening. How long have you been together? Do you live together? Are you married with children together? Is there a history of prior cheating or questionable contact with women? How did you come across these texts? Depending on your circumstances, you'll have to address the situation. How does he explain it? Does he tell you she's "just a friend"?
Will am I Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 15 hours ago, mo477 said: Is this cheating? Repeatedly texting comments about how pretty, hot a female is? Clarifying, this is in the second person? I.e. he's sending the messages to her writing shat she's so pretty and so hot? I'd say this is cheating. It has all the symptoms. The nature of the messages, the intensity and the hiding of messages. If he's sharing these plans to go visit her, you could even wonder if it hasn't yet progressed into a physical affair. 2300 messages in 30 days. That's like 5 messages every waking hour. Aside from the infidelity, he's also lovebombing her. I wonder: how does she respond? A woman with a sound level of self esteem does not like to receive 75 messages per day telling her over and over again how cute she is.
Stret Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 yes, it's definitely cheating and he's not a serious man but a boy.
Starswillshine Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 What is your relationship status? Married for a decade and with kids? Or someone you are dating? Engaged? Etc. For me, he would be kicked to the curb for that behavior. Married with kids, I might be willing to TRY if he works his rear off to prove himself worthy of my attention, let alone my love, again.
BaileyB Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 (edited) Whether his behavior meets a textbook definition of cheating or not, he is clearly pursuing another woman - which, he would be free to do if it was me… because he would not longer be dating me. Don’t get hung up on the definition here. This is not the behavior of a man who is committed to his relationship. That’s all you really need to consider… Edited March 2, 2023 by BaileyB
stillafool Posted March 2, 2023 Posted March 2, 2023 If you don't consider what he's doing cheating then he is not. Does that answer your question?
Author mo477 Posted March 3, 2023 Author Posted March 3, 2023 On 3/1/2023 at 6:10 PM, basil67 said: I've just looked at my text history and it doesn't have a text count. How are you able to discern the number of texts in a month? And what prompted you to look in their phone in the first place? I phones show the amount if text messages in the deleted message section
Author mo477 Posted March 3, 2023 Author Posted March 3, 2023 16 hours ago, Starswillshine said: What is your relationship status? Married for a decade and with kids? Or someone you are dating? Engaged? Etc. For me, he would be kicked to the curb for that behavior. Married with kids, I might be willing to TRY if he works his rear off to prove himself worthy of my attention, let alone my love, again. Married 13 years, 4 kiddos.
Author mo477 Posted March 3, 2023 Author Posted March 3, 2023 18 hours ago, Will am I said: Clarifying, this is in the second person? I.e. he's sending the messages to her writing shat she's so pretty and so hot? I'd say this is cheating. It has all the symptoms. The nature of the messages, the intensity and the hiding of messages. If he's sharing these plans to go visit her, you could even wonder if it hasn't yet progressed into a physical affair. 2300 messages in 30 days. That's like 5 messages every waking hour. Aside from the infidelity, he's also lovebombing her. I wonder: how does she respond? A woman with a sound level of self esteem does not like to receive 75 messages per day telling her over and over again how cute she is. Yes- he is texting her that she is pretty, and hot. She sometimes will ask for the compliments like will ask if she's better looking than others. She knows he is married with 4 kids.
Author mo477 Posted March 3, 2023 Author Posted March 3, 2023 So... I have spoken with him about this situation- we have been going over it back and forth- he doesn't see it as cheating because there was never physical contact, they started as co workers became friends then the texting got "carried away". He does have to talk with her sometimes because of work but texting has stopped- no communication out of work setting. He says he is sorry and wants to move on from this ad we have been married for some time and we have 4 kiddos. After having twins thing got a little chaotic so my attention fir him wasn't there- it doesn't make it ok! He admits it was wrong- feels awful about it but I sometimes feel he doesn't see it as big of a deal as I do- do I want to work on things of course but is thst silly? Is he trying to make things better yes.
Will am I Posted March 3, 2023 Posted March 3, 2023 Don’t get into a discussion about the definition of cheating. His behaviour is depeky hurting your feelings. That alone should be enough for him to stop. If it’s not, then it’s time you consider if you will ever feel good in this marriage. 2 1
JTSW Posted March 3, 2023 Posted March 3, 2023 47 minutes ago, mo477 said: He does have to talk with her sometimes because of work but texting has stopped- no communication out of work setting. The shear volume of texts and content they shared tells me that it hasn't stopped at all. He may have just gotten better at hiding it. He is likely using another chat app that doesn't track the amount of calls and texts.
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