Not sure what to do?

[ZA Dater]

16 hours ago, doowop35 said:

I have tried but I just think I need to try in a different direction. This isn't directed towards you but it seems like people discount guys like me experience with this which just makes things more frustrating. Which goes to show that people who haven't had to deal with this just can't understand even though they might want to.

I was in exactly the same situation as you until last year so believe me I can relate to everything you say. Frankly people who have not experienced this can only partly relate to it, experience does matter and it matters to MOST people and here I used OLD for over a decade and you know people could sense that inexperience, they could sense it a mile away and I even had one tell me "you should find someone as inexperienced as you to get experience with", despite the fact we actually went on three dates. 

Flip this around and then think about to whom experience will not matter and then decide if you would really want to date those people, I did come across some people like that but they were not people I wanted to get experience with. I agree with one of the prior posters and decide how you would ideally want to do this, I can tell you its unlikely you find that situation but you can then work around that to a degree as it give you at least an idea.

Generally the world is very unforgiving of inexperience in whatever field it might be but what I found in terms of dating ladies are very unforgiving of this and when you mention younger ladies, a word of caution here, just consider the media and the perception of sex and what the media makes it out to be. You also need to decide do you want experience or do you want to date and get experience?

If its the latter, then what are your requirements? 

This is a very difficult situation to be in and to some extent you are at the mercy of society itself and its perception of you. Go on dating sites and see how easily you get matches, that would be my first piece of advice, then look at those matches and decide if they are 1) Attractive to you 2) you think you could date them based on interaction 3) they have a personality you like.

Even then you may run into the inexperience wall, assuming you can tick all those boxes. You cant control that but what you can control is how you present yourself, try look as good as you can, try find and I know this is tough, some confidence and try not let inexperience define you, again that is very difficult.

My own experience is I did find people at various points who I did sense were interested despite them picking up the inexperience but for me there was not much long term in it which put me off, decide if you want long term or. I do regret passing up one of those opportunities so again you would be wise to think before hand what you really want.

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, doowop35 said:

 If I had a choice between 1 out of 100 women my age being fine with my inexperience and 20 out of 100 women younger than me being fine 

Have you considered that younger women may be  just as judgemental because they expect an older man to take the lead? Women your age or older and may be more mature, patient and understanding.

So the premises that younger women are a better opportunity, may be incorrect.  Try to think outside the box and consider women of all ages and focus on compatibly.

[doowop35]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you considered that younger women may be  just as judgemental because they expect an older man to take the lead? Women your age or older and may be more mature, patient and understanding.

So the premises that younger women are a better opportunity, may be incorrect.  Try to think outside the box and consider women of all ages and focus on compatibly.

Like  I said from my experience women my age were less patient and understanding because they have no reason to.

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you considered that younger women may be  just as judgemental because they expect an older man to take the lead? Women your age or older and may be more mature, patient and understanding.

So the premises that younger women are a better opportunity, may be incorrect.  Try to think outside the box and consider women of all ages and focus on compatibly.

Agree compatibility is important, OP you need to look at this carefully because based on my own experience, when you do not it makes what is already difficult, near impossible. What attributes do you like?

[doowop35]

23 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Agree compatibility is important, OP you need to look at this carefully because based on my own experience, when you do not it makes what is already difficult, near impossible. What attributes do you like?

None of that matters right now, I'm just seriously tired of people saying that women my age are more understanding of my situation when they have never had to deal with it. Everyone just ignores my and every other guys experience with this and its getting quite ridiculous.

[ZA Dater]

59 minutes ago, doowop35 said:

None of that matters right now, I'm just seriously tired of people saying that women my age are more understanding of my situation when they have never had to deal with it. Everyone just ignores my and every other guys experience with this and its getting quite ridiculous.

What is it you want to accomplish then? I agree they are not understanding, I have been where you are. Point is you can go on about this but how do you intend to deal with the hand you have been dealt?

What sort of women do you like? Do you go on dates?

[ZA Dater]

59 minutes ago, doowop35 said:

None of that matters right now, I'm just seriously tired of people saying that women my age are more understanding of my situation when they have never had to deal with it. Everyone just ignores my and every other guys experience with this and its getting quite ridiculous.

What is it you want to accomplish then? I agree they are not understanding, I have been where you are. Point is you can go on about this but how do you intend to deal with the hand you have been dealt?

What sort of women do you like? Do you go on dates?

[doowop35]

16 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

What is it you want to accomplish then? I agree they are not understanding, I have been where you are. Point is you can go on about this but how do you intend to deal with the hand you have been dealt?

What sort of women do you like? Do you go on dates?

I haven't been on a date in a while because because its with women my age its kind of pointless. What do you mean what kind of women do I like?

[ZA Dater]

49 minutes ago, doowop35 said:

I haven't been on a date in a while because because its with women my age its kind of pointless. What do you mean what kind of women do I like?

Sorry but if you don't try and give up before you try then you won't succeed. You can't say everyone is the same, yes inexperience is a problem but it's more of a problem to some than others. You may find mutual attraction and maybe because of that your inexperience won't matter as much.

[doowop35]

10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Sorry but if you don't try and give up before you try then you won't succeed. You can't say everyone is the same, yes inexperience is a problem but it's more of a problem to some than others. You may find mutual attraction and maybe because of that your inexperience won't matter as much.

I never said I was giving up but that I wasn't wasting time with women my age because they don't try to understand and juzt judge and that is not attractive to me.

[Gaeta]

On 2/28/2023 at 7:41 AM, stillafool said:

Why does it have to be younger women?  Go for an older woman who will have more patience with you.  Younger women want experienced men who can teach them.

I came on here to say just that as well. You'd be better dating older woman, one that is confident and has nothing to prove to herself or others, older women are less bothered with etiquettes. 

[doowop35]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I came on here to say just that as well. You'd be better dating older woman, one that is confident and has nothing to prove to herself or others, older women are less bothered with etiquettes. 

I guess I'm lying about the 14 women my age who said they would rather be with someone with more experience? I want to know what experiences you have to back up your statements because I have clearly states mines.

[NuevoYorko]

On 2/28/2023 at 5:35 AM, doowop35 said:

I mean I could own up to it all I want but what does that actually do for me? Its like asking women to acknowledge mens struggles, they can but what does it actually change? 

Sounds like you are somehow conflating your current status in life (35 year old lonely virgin man) with "mens struggles" and you think women neeed to be asked to acknowledge them.   

This has no place in dating whatsoever.  No individual woman needs to think about "mens struggles" when she is considering who to date.  She does need to think of what will be best for her.  Same as you are:  You are considering "going younger" because women in your range have not been interested.   Are you thinking of "womens struggles"?  No.  You're thinking of what might work best for yourself.

I agree that being without any experience in your mid thirties puts you in a bit of an unbalanced position with many women you might meet, because they will have experience.  If they LIKE YOU a lot, they won't care about that. Guaranteed.  

If you're hitting on young ladies (LEGAL ADULTS ONLY)  because you think it will be easier for you, I doubt it.   Go ahead and try - but if they are not really enjoying you as a person, or if you're not somehow objectively irresistible,  it's unlikely to work.   Someone close to your age with  similar social experience to you will be your best bet for compatibility of any kind.

[NuevoYorko]

28 minutes ago, doowop35 said:

I guess I'm lying about the 14 women my age who said they would rather be with someone with more experience? I want to know what experiences you have to back up your statements because I have clearly states mines.

If you're interacting with women and you have a sample size of 14 who you've asked about whether they're okay with virgin men,  right there is a hint that you're doing other things to turn women off.  It's not that you are a virgin.  

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, doowop35 said:

I guess I'm lying about the 14 women my age who said they would rather be with someone with more experience? I want to know what experiences you have to back up your statements because I have clearly states mines.

Maybe you misunderstood me, I suggested you date older women, not women your age. Why did your head jumped right away at I accused you of lying?