Feeling depressed about my life

[LotusAvx]

I am turning 28 years old soon. I feel very depressed about where my life is lately. I have been struggling with depression on and off for the past four years. My doctor put me on an antidepressant, but I actually haven't been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist or anything. I am not sure if my overthinking and anxiety causes my depression or if it is deeper than that. I constantly overthink about where my life is at, what I am going to do long term and if I will ever find true love. 

I have been in an on/off relationship with a great guy for the past three years, I am able to be myself around him, but I just know deep down that I am not attracted to him and don't have any kind of sexual feelings for him. I guess I am having a lot of anxiety about if I should settle for him. 

I have a decent job but definitely do not have a career and do not really have any idea what I would like to do long term. I never had a real ambition to have or build any kind of career, and it worries me because I think at 28 I should have some sort of idea.

I feel so lost and worried about my future that I believe it is causing my depression and making it way worse. I have always felt anxiety about time and getting older, and have really struggled with comparison to others. I have tried to make lifestyle changes and take really good care of myself, but my thoughts and anxiety/depression are really hurting me and I am afraid my life will never change for the better.

Has anyone been in the same boat at this age and have things gotten better?

[Weezy1973]

I struggled with anxiety until I was about 35 when I went to therapy. I still have anxiety mind you, but the difference is now I don’t let it stop me from doing things. Met my now wife when I was 43, had our first child and got married when I was 45, changed my job to a career I’m excited about when I was 47 and now expecting our 2nd and I’m 49.

 

The depression doesn’t come from the anxiety per se. Anxiety stops you from doing things and keeps you stuck. And that’s what ends up causing the depression. For example, you probably should not being seeing this guy, but fear (anxiety) is keeping you with him. Fear you won’t find someone better. Fear you’re not “good enough” for someone you’re attracted to. And fear is likely keeping you stuck in your job as well. When anxiety is bad, it often leads to “not knowing what you want” because even the thought of taking on a career causes anxiety and you’re trying to avoid that feeling. 
 

Try therapy. I found CBT worked very well for me. Didn’t even need medication.

[JTSW]

I too have depression and anxiety, also on anti-depressants. 

You are still so young OP with endless possibilities ahead of you.

You can do and be anything you want to right now.

Don't settle for a guy you don't feel anything for, it'll just make you feel even more unhappy.

Speak with a therapist who can help you make sense of those feelings.

[Foxhall]

On 2/19/2023 at 9:15 PM, Weezy1973 said:

Met my now wife when I was 43, had our first child and got married when I was 45, changed my job to a career I’m excited about when I was 47 and now expecting our 2nd and I’m 49

very good,

 

thats an inspiring one for those of us (myself included) who are somewhat behind in achieving these things,

to the first poster Id say- at your age perhaps take the risk and look for a different person that you feel more of a spark for, want to be young and vibrant in 30s rather than stuck in a steady but uninspiring relationship,

perhaps a different mindset at my age (43 lol)

 

 

 

 

 

[lonelyplanetmoon]

What was your life like as a teenager?

Did you have a rebellious stage?  Where you broke out of your SHELL by questioning all the things you should do vs things you want to do?

Did you learn to discard some beliefs and decide only to keep what suits you?

if you have not then you need to do this work to set yourself free.

Be free to live your life to your standards not anyone else.

 

[Nowherenear]

I think the today's society's mindset of constant achievement, happiness, goals, career, money etc is destructive for young people. People are all the time worrying about achieving stuff and this prevents them from doing what they really want. There are many people who really want to become something, who have big goals and purposes for their lives and good for them, but I think most people just want to have a normal life with a good enough job, a good enough social life, a good enough marriage and good enough happiness.

I have been through this period when I thought that I'm not doing enough, I'm not offering to the society enough, I'm not happy enough etc. At my age I have come to the realization that I am where I want to be, because if I wanted more I'd have made more effort. The fact that I didn't means that I'm well enough with who I am and what I have. And it's OK.

You have to work in therapy to find out what you really want and not what society is expecting from you to want. Simple as that.

[Els]

On 2/20/2023 at 7:06 AM, LotusAvx said:

I have been in an on/off relationship with a great guy for the past three years, I am able to be myself around him, but I just know deep down that I am not attracted to him and don't have any kind of sexual feelings for him. I guess I am having a lot of anxiety about if I should settle for him. 

What is the point of that? If you haven't felt attracted towards him for 3 years, it's not going to get any better later on. You're eventually going to be in a relationship with zero sex and zero physical intimacy, if it hasn't happened already. Do both of you a favour, and set both of you free.

Have you considered taking a gap year? I know it sounds cliche, but it's a common thing for people to do in their 20s for a reason. Traveling solo, meeting new people, seeing new places - it can really bring you out of a funk and give you new perspectives on what you want to do in life. And this is the best time for you to do it.