picaso3183 Posted February 11, 2023 Posted February 11, 2023 Sooo I have posted on here a few times over the last few years. Brief summary, 8 year relationship which was great. Found out she had an affair. Lots of heartbreak and hard work to heal. Since then ( nearly 3 years ago ) I have dated 4 women. One of which I really liked but she didn't want serious. I ended it. Number 2 we didn't connect and I ended that. Number 3 we did but lots of issues with her ex ( see my last posts ) and ultimately I had to end it for my daughters sake. Most recently I have ended another 3 month relationship. She is a lovely person but it feels tough pressured for me and right now with my daughter and work ( just got a promotion) I don't find I have time or desire for dates. But I am starting to wonder if I'm just broken. Am a serial dater? I do ultimately want to find someone special and have a committed relationship and I don't just want casual sex. But just starting to feel like I'm broken. I also feel really guilty ending past 3 relationships as they wanted more. I never intended to hurt any of them. Dating is a mindfield
basil67 Posted February 11, 2023 Posted February 11, 2023 (edited) No, I wouldn't classify you as a serial dater. To me, the definition of serial dater is about intent: They just keep dating different people because they don't want to settle down. Whereas you are wanting to settle down but haven't found the right one yet/aren't in the right headspace and don't want to waste someone's time. Yes, it's tough, but it's good that you know when to walk away Edited February 11, 2023 by basil67
Alpacalia Posted February 11, 2023 Posted February 11, 2023 (edited) Those who are serial daters don't have the kind of dreams that involve settling down, getting married, moving in together, or starting a family together. Actually, these things might even scare them a little bit. I share those sentiments, yet, I also was not someone that dated someone new every few months. Perfectly content at times not dating anyone as a matter of fact. If you are completely against the idea of settling down, and even think it terrifies you, then it may just mean that you've been put on this earth for something entirely different. You may find that staying in the dating world permanently is more suited to your personality. There is something about you that wants to settle down. Edited February 11, 2023 by Alpacalia
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 11 hours ago, picaso3183 said: I also feel really guilty ending past 3 relationships as they wanted more Dating is all about getting to know someone to see if you're a good fit. In these cases it wasn't a viable match. That's not necessarily serial dating. Perhaps you could reset your criteria for deal breakers and red flags and be more selective. You could simply be dating the wrong types of women for you.
ShyViolet Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 Stop labelling yourself as having something "wrong" with you just because you've had a few relationship in the past 3 years. This is normal dating. Not every relationship is built to last. We have connections with people and get to know them, get to know whether we are compatible. Over time the incompatibilities rise to the surface and come out, and often do result in relationships ending. This is not the old days where everyone is supposed to get married at age 20 and be with one person their whole life; that's just not reality. There are many different ways to live your life, some people never get married and prefer to experience dating different people and having many different relationships. There is no "right" or "wrong". Just do what you feel comfortable doing. 20 hours ago, picaso3183 said: right now with my daughter and work ( just got a promotion) I don't find I have time or desire for dates. Ok so it sounds like right now, dating is not something you are ready for or want to do. So don't do it just to go through the motions, you will be setting up that relationship for failure. It's ok to take a break from dating. Jump back into it when you are ready. And don't put pressure on a relationship that this has to be "THE ONE" or else you are a failure. That's just not how life works. 1
Author picaso3183 Posted February 12, 2023 Author Posted February 12, 2023 3 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Stop labelling yourself as having something "wrong" with you just because you've had a few relationship in the past 3 years. This is normal dating. Not every relationship is built to last. We have connections with people and get to know them, get to know whether we are compatible. Over time the incompatibilities rise to the surface and come out, and often do result in relationships ending. This is not the old days where everyone is supposed to get married at age 20 and be with one person their whole life; that's just not reality. There are many different ways to live your life, some people never get married and prefer to experience dating different people and having many different relationships. There is no "right" or "wrong". Just do what you feel comfortable doing. Ok so it sounds like right now, dating is not something you are ready for or want to do. So don't do it just to go through the motions, you will be setting up that relationship for failure. It's ok to take a break from dating. Jump back into it when you are ready. And don't put pressure on a relationship that this has to be "THE ONE" or else you are a failure. That's just not how life works. Thanks. Thats just massively hit home with me. I think you are spot on, I seem to be putting alot of emphasis on these relationships being "the one". Partly because at my age the people I date talk about finding the one so I don't want to waste their time. Also partly because I think that's what should happen at this age. Ive enjoyed all of the times with each of these women, they've all been special people. But I had a nagging sense of " these aren't the one" with each which lead me to end it. Maybe I am just way overthinking what dating should be. Anyway thanks for this and thanks to everyone else for your advice.
smackie9 Posted February 13, 2023 Posted February 13, 2023 There's nothing wrong with you. This just isn't your time to find someone. It's ok to be single and to focus on your life. It can be more rewarding.
JTSW Posted February 13, 2023 Posted February 13, 2023 Not a serial dater and not broken. You just haven't met the right person yet.
petrolheadno1 Posted February 20, 2023 Posted February 20, 2023 Absolutely not, one should not judge themselves, you are simply meeting people to screen to see they are the right person for you and its okay to enjoy the process. The main thing is you are not being dishonest and not hurting anyone in the process then you are fine. Keep doing your thing, I wish you good luck and send you positive vibes and you will find the right person.
Hopeless0341 Posted March 5, 2023 Posted March 5, 2023 You are definitely not a serial dater or broken sounds like you’re just looking for your path.
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