I had romantic chemistry with a job employer who did not get back to me in the agreed upon day

[User33]

She turned more and more euphoric the longer our meeting went and looked into my eyes with great interest. Even though nothing special was said, there was a lot of energy emanating from her and in retrospect, it felt more like a date. 

Could it be that things went a little bit "too well" here? She did not get back to me on the agreed upon day for a final decision. Maybe I hear from her on monday.

I felt already on the phone before meeting her a few days later a connection and attraction. Just my intuition. 

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to assume she is doing her job and nothing more. 

Please don’t make any romantic advances towards her. You simply have no objective, tangible evidence to suggest that she is feeling the attraction the way you are. 

And no, it’s unlikely that it went “too well” so she didn’t get back to you. It’s either because they haven’t made their decision yet, or they’ve chosen someone else and didn’t bother to let you know.

[User33]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to assume she is doing her job and nothing more. 

 

 

She isn't. It's Saturday and she did not get back to me when she promised to.. Our meeting was Monday. I will be working with her if she says yes. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, User33 said:

 I will be working with her if she says yes. 

They may have other candidates and may have a hiring team that confers on prospective candidates. It's fine to have a crush but going into this thinking it was "more like a date" could be problematic.

[User33]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

They may have other candidates and may have a hiring team that confers on prospective candidates. It's fine to have a crush but going into this thinking it was "more like a date" could be problematic.

I had a premonition on the phone that this could get messy and that there is some form of attraction pertaining to her. Our conversation on the phone was a mere 1 minute, but as soon as her voice entered I had the sensation. Our later meeting was 75 mins.  she was pretty weird during that time. I even asked her: okey, your turn to ask me questions. She was pretty submissive.

Anyway, I need all the luck I can get at this point so there's no way for me to back out. I need this job. 

[Weezy1973]

At this point I’d expect the worst so start looking for another job. It’s possible there’s some reason for the delay, but back when I was hiring manager we jumped at candidates we wanted as quickly as possible. If this is a high level position - and if you only one person doing the interview I suspect it isn’t - there might be more deliberation which takes time, but if they promised a response by a certain date and haven’t gotten back to you, chances are you didn’t get the job.

The romantic feelings is probably projection on your part. 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, User33 said:

 I had the sensation. Our later meeting was 75 mins.  She was pretty submissive.

Hopefully you'll get the position, however it's always a good idea to keep looking until a firm offer is made 

Are you concerned you're no longer in the running because you creeped her out?

 

[User33]

7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

At this point I’d expect the worst so start looking for another job. It’s possible there’s some reason for the delay, but back when I was hiring manager we jumped at candidates we wanted as quickly as possible. If this is a high level position - and if you only one person doing the interview I suspect it isn’t - there might be more deliberation which takes time, but if they promised a response by a certain date and haven’t gotten back to you, chances are you didn’t get the job.

The romantic feelings is probably projection on your part. 

 

She said that she has a good feeling about this and will confer with some folks and then get back to me on friday. Those people have no say in the manner. It is not a high level position. I did not have romantic feelings. I was so focused on trying to make a good impression. Even during that, I noticed a shift in her gaze midpoint in the conversation, that registered to me as actual, physical attraction. Still didn't think about it after it passed, but all things combined, and my track record with women, yup, attraction. I liked her presentation but was so tensed that my mind wasn't going in the sexual directions at all. 

[User33]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you concerned you're no longer in the running because you creeped her out?

 

I tend to turn down women instead of the other way around, so no not the least concerned about that.  [ ]

Edited February 11, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, User33 said:

in retrospect, it felt more like a date.

I felt already on the phone before meeting her a few days later a connection and attraction.

These comments are why I suggested the romantic feelings were projection. You felt “connection and attraction” on the phone. 
 

Anyways, most likely scenario at this point is you didn’t get the job. Highly doubt it’s because she was so attracted to you that she decided she couldn’t hire you. And if if that was the reason, doesn’t really matter much does it? You still need to find a job.

[User33]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

 

Anyways, most likely scenario at this point is you didn’t get the job. Highly doubt it’s because she was so attracted to you that she decided she couldn’t hire you. And if if that was the reason, doesn’t really matter much does it? You still need to find a job.

You really think she would waste 75 mins of my time in a very happy state of mind, including saying that she has a good feeling about this and could say yes on the spot:but "so much to take in, I will let this sink in first." Does that sound like an objective manager with no romantic emotions?  

She also  told someone else that she really liked me on the phone. Now that's interesting considering my premonition and the fact that I uttered maybe 5 formal sentences. I felt I had it in the bag already there.

 

 

 

 

 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, User33 said:

saying that she has a good feeling about this and could say yes on the spot:but "so much to take in, I will let this sink in first." Does that sound like an objective manager with no romantic emotions?  

Neither of us can know for sure if there were romantic feelings towards you. But we can say with near certainty that you weren’t selected for the job, so the romantic feelings are irrelevant either way. You still need to find a job. 

[User33]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

But we can say with near certainty that you weren’t selected for the job

I don't believe that for a moment. 

[glows]

Do you have other interviews lined up? 
 

2 hours ago, User33 said:

You really think she would waste 75 mins of my time in a very happy state of mind, including saying that she has a good feeling about this and could say yes on the spot:but "so much to take in, I will let this sink in first." Does that sound like an objective manager with no romantic emotions?  

What was she referring to when she said there’s so much to take in? My immediate concern would be the candidate or person being interviewed was not what was presented on paper or during the initial application stages.

[BaileyB]

There is a lot of projection here. 

You are creating a whole story in your head. I think you need to let the idea of this woman, and this job, go. 

 

[User33]

45 minutes ago, glows said:

 
 

What was she referring to when she said there’s so much to take in? My immediate concern would be the candidate or person being interviewed was not what was presented on paper or during the initial application stages.

I interpreted "taking so much in" like a genuine expression of excitement over meeting me and getting to know who I am. The part about getting back to me on Friday was mainly a formality thing about saying yes before checking with a couple of other people in charge first. That's the way she put it. If she doesn't get in touch on Monday, it will be a pulled the rug under me type of sensation. As for romance, It's nowhere near blossomed and she might not act on it, but I know what I sensed already at the phone - attraction of some sort incoming.

Edited February 11, 2023 by User33

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, User33 said:

I don't believe that for a moment. 

OK, so how long will you wait? Maybe they’ll call on Monday? If they don’t contact you by the end of next week do you start looking?

[User33]

Just now, Weezy1973 said:

OK, so how long will you wait? Maybe they’ll call on Monday? If they don’t contact you by the end of next week do you start looking?

After Monday. But is the attraction thing a problem, really? I know if someone finds me attractive. This perception doesn't just switch off just because I'm in a job interview. Will it affect her managing job if she finds me attractive, and will it be in a good or bad way?

[glows]

44 minutes ago, User33 said:

I interpreted "taking so much in" like a genuine expression of excitement over meeting me and getting to know who I am. The part about getting back to me on Friday was mainly a formality thing about saying yes before checking with a couple of other people in charge first. That's the way she put it. If she doesn't get in touch on Monday, it will be a pulled the rug under me type of sensation. As for romance, It's nowhere near blossomed and she might not act on it, but I know what I sensed already at the phone - attraction of some sort incoming.

Thanks for clarifying. Focus on getting a job that you like. Interviewers are thinking about the bottomline and whether the candidate is qualified for the role. 

If you’re looking for romance join a dating app and keep romance and your professional life separate. This may be your coping mechanism under stress, trying to distract yourself from the real issues of finding a job.

[Weezy1973]

19 minutes ago, User33 said:

But is the attraction thing a problem, really?

No.

 

19 minutes ago, User33 said:

Will it affect her managing job if she finds me attractive…

Doubt it.

[User33]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

No.

 

Doubt it.

That's my thinking too. And I would kinda of like it. It would be a little fun even if nothing happens. And you never know if something happens.

 

What could possibly go wrong.

[Weezy1973]

4 minutes ago, User33 said:

That's my thinking too. And I would kinda of like it. It would be a little fun even if nothing happens. And you never know if something happens.

 

What could possibly go wrong.

So are you more interested in the job? Or the woman? 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, User33 said:

She isn't.

She isn't what?

I don't mean she is doing her job at this moment. I meant that you need to assume that when she is engaging with you and trying to understand if you are the right fit for a position, she is just working. That is part of the selection process and you would be best not to project your own romantic desire. 

Keep up the job hunt in case you don't hear back. 

[User33]

11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

So are you more interested in the job? Or the woman? 

I am so tunnel vision focused on getting this job that the peculiar nature of the meeting doesn't hit me until it's all over. I literally ask her: your turn. I don't know if she's taken by me in some way, already made up her mind, or what the deal is.

I would say it's the strangest encounter I've had with someone. And now she doesn't get back to me in the planned day, and that really gets the mind going.

 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

I don't doubt your feelings but typically that just means she enjoys meeting you and that she has some real charisma and that you like her voice and find her attractive.

Yes, there are lots of people in the world who can make you feel so good that you feel special after interacting with them. Just cafe worker-customer- encounters can do that.  Happens all the time. Very rarely is this a sign of romantic feelings on her part. Lots of companies love having charismatic warm people-liking interviewers!  And lots of cafes hire baristas who are warm and friendly. 

But I WOULD pay attention to the energy you felt--not as a romantic connection but as a human connection! She apparently likes you as a person and apparently saw a lot of potential and so on as a worker. 

Now assuming you can record this experience as human to human liking--not romantic chemistry and love-- this is the kind of person you can call back and ask for feedback and guidance. You can say look I really enjoyed talking to you and really loved WHAT YOUR COMPANY has to offer! I assume I did not get hired. I would really appreciate any tips you could offer me or jobs you could steer me towards.