am I being too stubborn?

[stillafool]

On 2/10/2023 at 2:28 PM, keysiea said:

Also, I spent about 3-4 hours in the kitchen each weekend cooking for him and I don’t think it’s fair to say that sitting in a train for two hours each week is more of a burden than preparing meals or planning trips and weekends. I put a lot of effort in everything I do. 

Spending 3-4 hours in the kitchen is way too much if you're doing it every weekend.  When do you have time to spend with him and vice versa?  No wonder he wants to switch it up and you come over there.  Sitting around for 3-4 hours waiting with your cats for you to get out of the kitchen would get boring fast for most guys.

[keysiea]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Spending 3-4 hours in the kitchen is way too much if you're doing it every weekend.  When do you have time to spend with him and vice versa?  No wonder he wants to switch it up and you come over there.  Sitting around for 3-4 hours waiting with your cats for you to get out of the kitchen would get boring fast for most guys.

well making a meal takes me usually between 45 minutes to an hour. mind i am not the best cook. he’s perfectly content either playing skyrim or hanging with me in the kitchen talking  

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, keysiea said:

well making a meal takes me usually between 45 minutes to an hour. mind i am not the best cook. he’s perfectly content either playing skyrim or hanging with me in the kitchen talking  

I feel like we're going off topic, but start searching for quick recipes.  There are so many good ones.  Or if it's a slow cook, stick it in the oven or slow cooker and walk away while it does it's business.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

Also you never answered Els question if you do in fact travel to his house 25% of the time.  Why?

Agree.

Any insight OP?

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, keysiea said:

well making a meal takes me usually between 45 minutes to an hour. mind i am not the best cook. he’s perfectly content either playing skyrim or hanging with me in the kitchen talking  

Okay, so what are you doing in there the other 2-3 hours?

[keysiea]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Agree.

Any insight OP?

 

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Also you never answered Els question if you do in fact travel to his house 25% of the time.  Why?

Before Christmas I went there every second weekend and I also sometimes went during the week or stayed a day or two longer. Since Christmas I only went to his house once. 

[keysiea]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Okay, so what are you doing in there the other 2-3 hours?

Oh you think it’s on one day. I mean the whole weekend combined. The food prep for Friday, Saturday and Sunday combined. 

[keysiea]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm curious what takes you so long to cook?

I agree take-out isn't healthy and l wouldn't do it every weekends. Making a salad, roasting chicken breasts doesn't take 3 hours. 

When my bf comes over for the weekend he always bring dinner. Then Saturday morning l start a recipe in my slow cooker, takes 10 minutes. No matter how busy we will get we will have a warm dinner waiting at home. Sunday we get up late and we make a brunch at home, nothing easier.

Don't make your life complicated

I am not a good cook and I use recipes online or cooking boxes and I am fairly slow with my prep because I am not the best cook. But the more I cook the better I get  We eat very healthy. I do not own a slow cooker. 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, keysiea said:

 

Before Christmas I went there every second weekend and I also sometimes went during the week or stayed a day or two longer. Since Christmas I only went to his house once. 

Once since Christmas? Yikes.

Maybe try one of those home delivery kits for two if it works in your budget and you prefer to stay in. They're pretty handy and fun to cook together!

 

Edited February 12, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Els]

21 hours ago, keysiea said:

Oh you think it’s on one day. I mean the whole weekend combined. The food prep for Friday, Saturday and Sunday combined. 

Ummm... no, I think most of us understood that you were talking about a weekend. 3-4 hours cooking for one weekend is a lot! Like, I don't think we EVER do that except for special occasions like Christmas. What do you do for food in your day to day life (when he's not around) if it takes you 4 hours to prepare food for 2.5 days? That would be nearly 12 hours a week just on food prep...

Look, obviously it's your life, your food, your cats, etc and we're not trying to tell you what to do. But you've said you love this person, so we're trying to help you. You already have a very limited time together, and relationships need time together to thrive. Even if he "doesn't mind", you are throwing a lot of precious time out of the window. Especially because you only meet on weekends. Cooking is nice and all that, but imagine what other things you could do for/with him if, instead of 4 hours, you spent only 2 hours cooking for the weekend (which is still quite a lot IMO, but let's go with that), and 2 hours NOT cooking?

Edited February 12, 2023 by Els

[keysiea]

22 hours ago, S2B said:

Why don’t you suggest he cooks for you when you visit him.

you shouldn’t have to spend that much time cooking when you are there.

does he cook for 4 hours for you when he visits your place?

who buys the food? Does he ever suggest taking you out to dinner?

 he doesnt really cook. we both buy the food equally, plus minus zero, i think it evens out. we go out for dinner sometimes but it can get expensive so we don't do it too often. probably once a month  same goes for take out (which doesnt exist where i live but they have it where he lives so we sometimes order food when i am at his place and i dont have to cook then, which is nice).

20 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Once since Christmas? Yikes.

Maybe try one of those home delivery kits for two if it works in your budget and you prefer to stay in. They're pretty handy and fun to cook together!

 

yes i have recently ordered the cooking kits and it has made cooking easier for me  i spend less time on food bc it eliminates the finding recipes and the grocery shopping. we dont really cook together, he doesnt like it. i dont mind doing all the cooking bc he is very appreciative of what i make and he always likes it.

2 hours ago, Els said:

 3-4 hours cooking for one weekend is a lot! Like, I don't think we EVER do that except for special occasions like Christmas. What do you do for food in your day to day life (when he's not around) if it takes you 4 hours to prepare food for 2.5 days? That would be nearly 12 hours a week just on food prep...

well i think for me it is normal to take about 45 minutes to an hour to prepare a nice meal for two people. how would you even make it less than that? things take time to cook. this week friday i made a mushroom risotto, that took quite some time (an hour i think). yesterday i made a korean noodle dish which was also the first time i tried that and it took also about 45 minutes. today we ate the leftovers from that, so no cooking was necessary. next week i am going to him from friday to saturday and we are planning to visit some friends for that evening and get take out food, so i look forward to that. first time leaving cats alone for a night, a bit nervous about it but hopefully the cameras arrive before then.

for myself, i have a very strict eating routine during the week, i don’t cook much for myself though. 

Edited February 13, 2023 by keysiea

[Els]

20 hours ago, keysiea said:

next week i am going to him from friday to saturday and we are planning to visit some friends for that evening and get take out food, so i look forward to that. first time leaving cats alone for a night, a bit nervous about it but hopefully the cameras arrive before then.

Happy to hear that, hope you two have a good time.

[ ]

Edited February 13, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed off topic

[Lisa]

Reminder that the topic is how much time should @keysiea spend at her boyfriend's house and what about the cats.  Discussions on cooking times really are off topic