What would you do if your bf/gf didn't delete the dating app?

[disisdisaster]

If your bf/gf of few months agreed and promised to delete the dating app, but you found out weeks later that they still haven't, what would you do?

He didn't go on a date with anyone and is not that active but did talk to one or two girls (still no date). 

If you confront he will get mad and/or lie.

Is it problematic? Would you guys let it slip or break up or what would you say/do? 

[central]

It wouldn't bother me, really, unless they were going on dates and we'd agreed to be exclusive. I didn't delete my memberships until I got married, but I would hide my profile once things became exclusive. As I recall, I dated a number of women only to find out after 3 months that there was a problem requiring we break up. I'm sure glad I didn't have to restart my apps at that point. 

[smackie9]

If exclusivity was established and this is a committed relationship, then yes this would be an issue. I would dump him flat because he still leaving his options open. 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, disisdisaster said:

If your bf/gf of few months agreed and promised to delete the dating app, but you found out weeks later that they still haven't, what would you do?

It's not that he didn't delete the app, you're not exclusive and he could have simply been browsing anyway. 

For me, it would be about him telling you (promising) he would delete it, but not. 

That makes him dishonest in my book.  A liar. Deceptive.  

Going forward, how can you trust anything he tells you?

God I can't stand dishonesty.  In any way shape or form.

Just be REAL for chrissakes, if you can't be real with each, there's nothing. 

Only a few months in, this could be a deal breaker.

Choose wisely from the get go and avoid disappointment, heartbreak and BS later. 

Edited February 8, 2023 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

I would say that if this information pertains to the man from your other thread, then I think we can safely assume that he has already flown the coop.

[NuevoYorko]

If you'd agreed to delete it, of course I would not let that slide.  They get mad / lie if you bring it up?  Definitely this relationship is not working at all and needs to end.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, disisdisaster said:

If your bf/gf of few months agreed and promised to delete the dating app, but you found out weeks later that they still haven't, 

How did you find out he's still on the app? Did you both agree to delete the app? Have you had the exclusive dating discussion?

If you feel he's untrustworthy or a player, you could simply tell him you're not a match. Is this the same man?

 

 

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did you find out he's still on the app? Did you both agree to delete the app? Have you had the exclusive dating discussion?

If you feel he's untrustworthy or a player, you could simply tell him you're not a match. Is this the same man?

 

 

The OP created that thread one WEEK ago.

OP, if I may ask, what are you thinking?  What are you doing? 

Get rid for goodness sakes, come on.

Edited February 8, 2023 by poppyfields

[basil67]

6 hours ago, disisdisaster said:

If your bf/gf of few months agreed and promised to delete the dating app, but you found out weeks later that they still haven't, what would you do?

He didn't go on a date with anyone and is not that active but did talk to one or two girls (still no date). 

If you confront he will get mad and/or lie.

Is it problematic? Would you guys let it slip or break up or what would you say/do? 

I think you need to look at the big picture, not at an individual problem.

[MsJayne]

6 hours ago, disisdisaster said:

If you confront he will get mad and/or lie.

There's your answer. if someone gets angry at you for wanting an explanation, or you know they're going to lie, you already know they're a piece of work. You're not feeling safe or secure, and that's a great reason to get rid of someone. 

[disisdisaster]

Exclusivity was agreed upon explicitly weeks ago. Deleting profile and app also explicitly agreed even before that. I deleted mine.  We are gf bf now. Pls disregard my past posting to respond to this one.

Edited February 8, 2023 by disisdisaster

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, disisdisaster said:

Exclusivity was agreed upon explicitly weeks ago. Deleting profile and app also explicitly agreed even before that. I deleted mine.  We are gf bf now. 

Well I guess that makes him a liar then, doesn't it.  And a crap boyfriend.

My earlier advice stands, aim higher, get rid and choose wisely from the getgo and avoid more disappointment and pain later because he WILL lie again, you can be sure of that.

There is nothing good here OP, I'm sorry.

[Lotsgoingon]

I'd dump the person. 

[disisdisaster]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Well I guess that makes him a liar then, doesn't it. 

I agree he lied. Just not sure if this one lie alone really is enough to break up with someone IF you like many other qualities of this person.

Also would you confront it? Or quietly break up (withot even telling the real reason?

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, disisdisaster said:

Just not sure if this one lie alone really is enough to break up with someone IF you like many other qualities of this person.

What are the qualities you like about him?

When I was a bit younger, my definition of "qualities I liked about him" consisted of intoxicating chemistry, high attraction and great sex.

They can blind you to who he actually is as a man and human being (with character and integrity), so be careful with that.

I value honesty and this early in, I dunno I would consider nexting him no matter how intoxicating the chemistry.

I've done it before; lying for me is pretty much a dealbreaker especially about this -- dating apps and possibly talking to/seeing other women behind my back.

I wouldn't trust it.

[Alvi]

This guy is full of drama. A serious questions for you. You don't have to answer them here but please think about them.  Are you attracted to drama and disfunction? Do you keep seeing this guy because he provided plenty of that for you?  

Like Poppyfields always says, aim higher. There are better guys out there but you are not going to find them if you continue dating this guy.

[Alpacalia]

I told you in your first thread that his actions were concerning because he was blaming you for not being in a committed relationship and not following through on what he says he will do.

Why you chose to overlook it I am not sure.

[JTSW]

He hasn't been fully in this relationship from the start.

You pushed him which increased his reluctance.

Did you push the exclusivity topic again?

If so, he may have agreed just to keep you from nagging him about it.

He hasn't deleted the dating app and still talking to girls which tells me he is still keeping his options open.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, disisdisaster said:

Exclusivity was agreed upon explicitly weeks ago. Deleting profile and app also explicitly agreed even before that. I deleted mine.  We are gf bf now. 

If you feel he's untrustworthy, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. Once you "forgive and forget", you're giving the green light for further nonsense by condoning it .

[Alpacalia]

Your problem is a selfish man who does not want to commit to you but just wants to keep you around. It might be for sex, it might be because he has no other options, or maybe it's just because he enjoys being around you. Either way, there isn't enough love in his heart for you.

He is also not ready to let you go. That's why he said he loved you (to keep you around) but won't commit. This is not love. It's just him being selfish. It is common for women to be in these relationships with men for many years. All to waste their time.

Start dating other men. You'll be okay. 

Edited February 9, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NuevoYorko]

Do you enjoy being angry, unfulfilled and generally miserable?

[stillafool]

On 2/8/2023 at 10:40 AM, disisdisaster said:

If your bf/gf of few months agreed and promised to delete the dating app, but you found out weeks later that they still haven't, what would you do?

He didn't go on a date with anyone and is not that active but did talk to one or two girls (still no date). 

If you confront he will get mad and/or lie.

Is it problematic? Would you guys let it slip or break up or what would you say/do? 

I think you should break up if his forgetfulness is a problem for you.

[glows]

On 2/8/2023 at 4:48 PM, disisdisaster said:

I agree he lied. Just not sure if this one lie alone really is enough to break up with someone IF you like many other qualities of this person.

Also would you confront it? Or quietly break up (withot even telling the real reason?

Some things to consider: what constitutes cheating to you and is this a dealbreaker.

I might have questioned this also in earlier years but can’t seem to justify the lack of trust that would ultimately arise very soon after. This is me changing in the way I view the person and unable to change it back unfortunately. We are always hopeful on the outset especially if we’ve not come across this before.

I’m not sure confronting is an accurate word because it wouldn’t change my mind or have an effect on the outcome.  I’d break up and mention it if it felt warranted (statement, not a discussion).  Some break ups are without preamble or issue. Note his heart may not be in this so whether you end it or not may not have much effect in the bigger scheme. 

[smackie9]

So he says pretty things to you and acts all sweet….but lies and is doing something he shouldn’t be doing behind your back. It’s more that one thing he’s being deceitful about.