I [28F] broke up with my boyfriend [28M] of 2 years a week ago and my emotions are such a mess.

[Emotional_Pop93]

 

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years two weeks ago because I actually finally sat down with him and asked him if he loved me. He said he “didn’t know” and that was the moment I realized that if he doesn’t know at this point, he doesn’t love me and he may never will. 

 

On our 18 month mark, I finally had the courage to tell him I loved him. He told me he “wasn’t good with emotions” but he I meant so much to him and he cared about me a lot. I was hurt, but brushed it off because he did show it. I didn’t wanna pressure him either and just figured I would be patient and let him say it when he’s ready. 

 

Besides the I love you thing, other problems arose. Our sex life died all of the sudden and I was annoyed how he won’t communicate with me. He wouldn’t let me in about little details in his life. I had to find out from his friends or his mom. I brought this up and sat him down multiple times, but nothing was done about it. I decided to take a break last October . Our break lasted a month and when we got back together, he said he will try. 

 

Now it’s January and it’s the same issues that never got resolved so I finally asked him  if he loved me. He didn’t know. I didn’t wanna leave, but I was hurting and miserable all the time. Also him hearing he didn’t know if he loved me was the last straw and my cue to go. 

 

My emotions are so unstable. The first few days I was sad and can’t stop crying. I cried everyday. The last 2 days I’ve just been so angry [ ] I want to stay no contact. Today, I just feel numb and I feel like I’m totally ok and have moved on. I don’t trust that feeling though just because it changes everyday.

The worst part is, it’s been 2 weeks and he hasn’t reached out since I broke up. I thought he would at least reach out regarding loose ends such as giving me my things back, but nothing. All radio silence.  I won’t reach out for that either. I’m already humiliated enough. 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[basil67]

You've done exactly the right thing - you gave it your all and then chose to walk away when it became apparent that the relationship is no longer working for you.   And yes, there will be ups and downs for you as you get used to your new normal.

And may I suggest that you have nothing to be humiliated over.  You gave him time.  You gave him chances.  And when he didn't deliver you gathered your strength and left.  Good for you!!

[stillafool]

I agree that you did the right thing by ending it.  You are right if he doesn't know he's in love with you after 2 years chances are he is not.  That could also be the reason you haven't heard from him because he probably now realizes his feelings aren't where they should be at this stage in the relationship.  Just keep moving forward and stay no contact.  In time it will get better.  Spring is right around the corner for a fresh start.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm sorry that you're going through this.  I agree that you have handled the whole thing very well, even though it surely feels like crap.  I read your last thread about this guy and I think you gave him, yourself and your relationship a fair and appropriate chance.  You have nothing to regret here, and it does seem that the time has come to move on.  You will find the right person. 

[glows]

Are you connected via social media? If you’re truly looking to move on, I suggest removing him and not looking back. 

If those things are easily replaceable then consider them a write off and don’t keep yourself tied to the past or to him. Let go of those expectations.

 

Edited February 8, 2023 by glows

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Emotional_Pop93 said:

 it’s been 2 weeks and he hasn’t reached out since I broke up. 

Sorry this happened. It would be best to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't invite another round of on/off hoping he'll change or another round of break-up/makeup hoping to stimulate the response you are hoping for.

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with  unhealthy attachments and lack of other opportunities. 

In the long run, you've done the right thing ending an unsustainable situation.  It will hurt for a while but it's better than dragging out the pain of being with someone who's indifferent to you. Try to enjoy your freedom to find someone who wants what you want.