Boyfriend said he will unsubscribe from my professional emails. weird?

February 4, 2023

I have off and on again dated a man who is in a SIMILAR business. I had forgotten how I used to get a bit irked by him when he would talk about the niche of my company as if it was unnecessary. I had also forgotten (until now) that he would talk about another company they hired (my competitor) to help their workflow. It was like he wanted to rub it in.

Mind you .. my recent relationships/partners have been super supportive of my business and complimentary of my work and what I've built as a business. They have REFERRED me to clients and HELPED ME. Each and every one of them (not that there's been a lot)

Anyway...this "on and off again guy" ....He recently reached back out and I agreed to begin dating again. And I had told him about live training I was doing for my clients and how it might help him and his own company.

He was on my email list and I can see he never watched the training and literally asked me to take him off his company list. I said "it's professional training that even fortune 100 ceos are requesting....you want off?" He said ...yeah, I will probably need to unsubcribe.

I said well.... honestly..this is training you and your colleagues need. And I'd love to just provide educational value... because it's necessary for your company. I'm brining consulted for FAR bigger companies to implement.

He danced around it...but I saw he unsubscribed and didn't even watch it!

At the same time he's asking me to come visit his town this weekend to have dinner or he will travel to me.

I'm pretty ticked off! And I'm trying ti decide how I can consider a long term relationship with someone who wants to unsubscribe from my professional value. Advice suggested.

Edited February 4, 2023 by howwouldiknownow22

February 4, 2023

Holy smokes. It hasn't even been a month since your last "committed boyfriend" who was supposedly some sort of business associate and you're already involved with another one?

My advice is: DO NOT consider ANY long term relationship right now. You just got majorly burned by making terrible decisions in that department and it seems like you're on board to do it again.

Why was this "on and off"? Why did he reach out and ask you to become his girlfriend? Out of thin air? WHY did you agree?

For the record, there's nothing wrong with him not wanting to subscribe to your training program. Your "professional value" isn't what he's interested in dating. I can understand why that might sting a bit but many of us are deluged by emails and stuff we subscribed to that we are not going to make use of.

February 4, 2023

5 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Holy smokes. It hasn't even been a month since your last "committed boyfriend" who was supposedly some sort of business associate and you're already involved with another one?

My advice is: DO NOT consider ANY long term relationship right now. You just got majorly burned by making terrible decisions in that department and it seems like you're on board to do it again.

Why was this "on and off"? Why did he reach out and ask you to become his girlfriend? Out of thin air? WHY did you agree?

For the record, there's nothing wrong with him not wanting to subscribe to your training program. Your "professional value" isn't what he's interested in dating.   I can understand why that might sting a bit but many of us are deluged by emails and stuff we subscribed to that we are not going to make use of.

Maybe so....but I look at it like this...I want any partner I am with to support me...and "I" ALWAYS support my partner. The fact that he's making this weird... is another red flag for me.

I think I just need to go back to my gut on this guy...I really liked him when we first started dating last year.... but then I felt he was cheap. He knew I was a successful business owner ...I met him while I was in his town while traveling. But he began coming to my hotel... letting me pay the dinner bill...staying over night and parking his car on MY valet charge.

I just got a bad taste when I saw his cheap nature.... trust me I'm great about paying my own way sometimes...but I now recall he was very strange about bills.

Then... I remember we went out for a date...and a waitress (then later a bartender) complimented my dress and said I was very pretty...and he kept saying "well...I'm used to being complimented...what about my outfit? waht about my hair" ....he said that to them... I just feel like this is overall a sentiment that he doesn't want to compliment me. IDK. Maybe I'm wrong...

February 4, 2023

1 minute ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Maybe so....but I look at it like this...I want any partner I am with to support me...and "I" ALWAYS support my partner. The fact that he's making this weird... is another red flag for me.

Why are you calling him your partner? Didn't you just start dating again? And you are long distance, so have you actually even been dating in real life? People need to actually spend quality time together, form a bond, learn whether they're compatible, before deciding they're in an LTR or "partners."

1 minute ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

but then I felt he was cheap. He knew I was a successful business owner ...I met him while I was in his town while traveling. But he began coming to my hotel... letting me pay the dinner bill...staying over night and parking his car on MY valet charge.

Oh. This sounds pretty much like a re-do of your last fine fellow.

Why don't you consider getting some things sorted out. It was so blazingly clear from your last post that you need to take a long break from "relationships" and get a lot better at reality checks.

February 4, 2023

10 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why are you calling him your partner? Didn't you just start dating again? And you are long distance, so have you actually even been dating in real life? People need to actually spend quality time together, form a bond, learn whether they're compatible, before deciding they're in an LTR or "partners."

Oh. This sounds pretty much like a re-do of your last fine fellow.

Why don't you consider getting some things sorted out. It was so blazingly clear from your last post that you need to take a long break from "relationships" and get a lot better at reality checks.

thanks for your insight.

February 4, 2023

What is going on here? Are you insecure about your creation and need his validation?

Anyway, you're sounding incredibly demanding. It's his company, and as such, it's his decision what kind of training he and his staff need. It's totally inappropriate and insulting of you to tell him that he needs the training or that it's necessary for his company. And if he hasn't enquired about taking you on as a consultant, it's also irrelevant that you consult to bigger companies.

You might be wondering how you can continue with him, but I reckon there's a strong chance he's reconsidering being with you.

February 4, 2023

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What is going on here? Are you insecure about your creation and need his validation?

Anyway, you're sounding incredibly demanding. It's his company, and as such, it's his decision what kind of training he and his staff need. It's totally inappropriate and insulting of you to tell him that he needs the training or that it's necessary for his company. And if he hasn't enquired about taking you on as a consultant, it's also irrelevant that you consult to bigger companies.

You might be wondering how you can continue with him, but I reckon there's a strong chance he's reconsidering being with you.

I never ONCE demanded that he work with me. Ever. I don't think I even suggested it. I may have asked some questions. He would say..."we are hiring xyzzy company..... I will have to have you see who we are contracting..to get your insight". He would say that and NOT consider or offer to work w me. But just rub the competitor in my face....

Again I never asked him to do biz w me. But I certainly told him that what he was getting (once he offered it up to me) was not what I would ultimately suggest.

I am coming on here to display my feelings. And he's BEGGING to be back with me. But as I mentioned I have concerns for other reasons too. I also saw that his ex gf who he mentioned to me before... is very beautiful. ... but she doesn't speak English. And he doesn't speak HER language. I am tempted to ask...how that worked?! So was that all just sex? How do you have a relationship with someone who doesn't speak the same language? May be more evidence of what I'm feeling...he could care less about my business and what I've built for myself... and only cares about sex? IDK. But makes me concerned... that's for sure

Edited February 4, 2023 by howwouldiknownow22

February 4, 2023

2 minutes ago, S2B said:

It would make me feel concerned enough to end it…knowing full well he isn’t the cheerleader I need in my corner for him to be my partner.

find someone kind, loving and supportive - he’s not your guy.

That's what I sensed... but idk. I just know that those around me always try to give me clients or support me. Not that it's requested. But certainly they wouldn't try to rub competitors in my face..

February 4, 2023

I haven't read your earlier threads, but it's reasonable to want a cheerleader in a partner. If you don't have that, there really there is no issue here: dump him.

Why are you even debating this?

This guy isn't even faking it.

Edited February 4, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

February 4, 2023

3 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He was on my email list and I can see he never watched the training and literally asked me to take him off his company list. I said "it's professional training that even fortune 100 ceos are requesting....you want off?" He said ...yeah, I will probably need to unsubcribe.

I said well.... honestly..this is training you and your colleagues need. And I'd love to just provide educational value... because it's necessary for your company. I'm brining consulted for FAR bigger companies to implement.

Oh dear. OP, allow me to give you a little tip about men. When a man is attracted to you (which includes physically and sexually) his main focus is you as a woman, a vibrant feminine woman, NOT a professional business colleague.

Do you understand the difference? When you insist on involving a new boyfriend into your professional business, he no longer sees you in this capacity, as a vibrant feminine sexual woman (which let's face it is the basis for male/female attraction and feminine/masculine polarity).

He will begin viewing you a business colleague which will squelch his attraction REAL fast.

You might think he's not supporting you, but that's not it at all. And when you understand masculine/feminine polarity which again is the basis for romantic attractions between men and women, it will make more sense.

My advice is take him off your business email list and allow him to see you as a vibrant feminine woman, THAT is the woman he will fall in love with (if that's your goal), not you as his business colleague, ugh.

Later on down the road, if you become an established couple, you might be able to work together professionally, but even then I wouldn't recommend it.

Keep the two things separate is my advice.

Edited February 4, 2023 by poppyfields

February 4, 2023

2 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I never ONCE demanded that he work with me. Ever. I don't think I even suggested it. I may have asked some questions. He would say..."we are hiring xyzzy company..... I will have to have you see who we are contracting..to get your insight". He would say that and NOT consider or offer to work w me. But just rub the competitor in my face....

Again I never asked him to do biz w me. But I certainly told him that what he was getting (once he offered it up to me) was not what I would ultimately suggest.

I am coming on here to display my feelings. And he's BEGGING to be back with me. But as I mentioned I have concerns for other reasons too. I also saw that his ex gf who he mentioned to me before... is very beautiful. ... but she doesn't speak English. And he doesn't speak HER language. I am tempted to ask...how that worked?! So was that all just sex? How do you have a relationship with someone who doesn't speak the same language? May be more evidence of what I'm feeling...he could care less about my business and what I've built for myself... and only cares about sex? IDK. But makes me concerned... that's for sure

No, you didn't DEMAND he work with you. But your approach is demanding.

You did tell him how much he, his company and his staff need your product when he didn't ask for it. You're monitoring whether or not he did the training. He wanted to drop off the list and you didn't respectfully remove him....instead, you started pitching your product to him again, so now his only way out is to unsubscribe. Honestly, this is sounding like the sales pitch from hell.

When he told you what his company was getting and you replied that it's not what you would suggest, had he actually asked for your opinion?

There's an old adage of not mixing work and pleasure, so I think it's sensible that he makes the decisions for his own company. You may not agree with his decision, but it is his company after all. Further, you're thinking of dumping him over this. And you're also wary because his ex girlfriend didn't speak English. You're complaining because he complained about him not getting a compliment too. What if he was to engage in all of this and then the two of you had a break up? Then it gets all awkward.

Edited February 4, 2023 by basil67

February 4, 2023

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

No, you didn't DEMAND he work with you. But your approach is demanding.

You did tell him how much he, his company and his staff need your product when he didn't ask for it. You're monitoring whether or not he did the training. He wanted to drop off the list and you didn't respectfully remove him....instead, you started pitching your product to him again, so now his only way out is to unsubscribe. Honestly, this is sounding like the sales pitch from hell.

When he told you what his company was getting and you replied that it's not what you would suggest, had he actually asked for your opinion?

There's an old adage of not mixing work and pleasure, so I think it's sensible that he makes the decisions for his own company. You may not agree with his decision, but it is his company after all. Further, you're thinking of dumping him over this. And you're also wary because his ex girlfriend didn't speak English. You're complaining because he complained about him not getting a compliment too. What if he was to engage in all of this and then the two of you had a break up? Then it gets all awkward.

I'm very open to criticism here. but I honestly don't think I can understand this response. First -- I NEVER brought up work with him ....first. Never. And he kept bringing up competitors and saying things like "you should check them out .. and see what you do.. blah blah." The was before.

Now that we are back in the dating scene.... this just came up again. I am literally doing a training for companies in his niche.... and I offered to connect him to my colleagues (who could help him)...

I think I just look at it like the golden rule...do onto others .. .as you would want done onto you. I would NEVER act the way he's acting toward me.

Now that I'm growing sour on him again....it's reminding me of the other concerns I had...and had forgotten about.

For example the reason I had dumped him last...as the morning I was supposed to fly out to see him ....My mom had a heart attack. I called him at 4am and told him via vm and text that I had to go to see my mom and that she was dying. (she did pass away). He said "oh gosh I'm so sorry. text me when you land and see her. Which I ddi.... and said "just landed.....I am just so sad." He never replied.

The next day I said...gosh you never even replied to me? He said that he thought I needed space.

After we revisited all of this...he said since I cancelled 2 other visits to his town he thought maybe I was just distancing myself.. and then apologized.

I have some unfinished business I guesss... that I'm not sure I can forgive...or SHOULD Be forgiven....

February 4, 2023

23 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I think I just look at it like the golden rule...do onto others .. .as you would want done onto you. I would NEVER act the way he's acting toward me.

Yes, I'm sure you're right that I haven't got all the nuances of the conversation. But nevertheless, he should not feel obliged to have do your training just because he's dating you.

There's a big problem with the 'do unto others' golden rule: We don't always want to be treated the same as each other. For instance, when I'm sick I want to be given cups of tea and to have my forehead stroked. My husband on the other hand, wants to be LEFT ALONE. And so when one of us is sick, he feels smothered and I feel abandoned LOL. Some people want a 'good morning' text and others find it irritating. Some people want to be treated as an independent person while others want to be looked after. In the case of your mother (I'm so sorry for your loss) he was likely treating you how he would want to be treated. And that's the problem with the rule.

His reaction with your mother being so ill is now another reason why you're having second thoughts. It's looking more and more like a sensible choice to keep your business and pleasure separate.

February 4, 2023

May I ask why the two of you broke up the first time?

You say that your recent relationships/partners have been really supportive of your business. But your recent relationships you've written about here have all been problematic. Some of them seriously problematic In the last six months, you've had a pilot who stood you up for your event, you've had a guy who spent/drank all your money, someone who cheated on you and just a month later, you're with this guy and .

I'm a little concerned that you may be rushing into relationships very quickly without taking time to consider suitability in a broad sense. That a guy supports your work doesn't mean that he's good guy as evidenced by the above. And a guy who doesn't want your product isn't necessarily a bad guy. Relationships are a big picture thing and you've got to weigh up the good with the frustrating and see where it falls on the success/fail chart

Edited February 4, 2023 by basil67

February 4, 2023

8 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He was on my email list and I can see he never watched the training and literally asked me to take him off his company list

Try not to mix business with pleasure. He's not your client. He doesn't want to be your client. He could have blocked the emails or marked them as spam, but instead he was honest about not wanting unsolicited promotions.

February 4, 2023

8 hours ago, basil67 said:

May I ask why the two of you broke up the first time?

You say that your recent relationships/partners have been really supportive of your business. But your recent relationships you've written about here have all been problematic. Some of them seriously problematic In the last six months, you've had a pilot who stood you up for your event, you've had a guy who spent/drank all your money, someone who cheated on you and just a month later, you're with this guy and .

I'm a little concerned that you may be rushing into relationships very quickly without taking time to consider suitability in a broad sense. That a guy supports your work doesn't mean that he's good guy as evidenced by the above. And a guy who doesn't want your product isn't necessarily a bad guy. Relationships are a big picture thing and you've got to weigh up the good with the frustrating and see where it falls on the success/fail chart

It's a good question. I REALLY liked him when we first met. I would typically stay at a hotel in his town when I would visit for my work. And that's how we met. After about a month of being exclusive I invited him to come to my town (home). I remember that I felt like he would never leave. And not in a good way. We both work remotely and it just felt off... I literally made up an excuse on day 3 that I had to travel for work... so I could get him to go home. I'm not sure why ...but it just wasn't 'fun...being around him.

I always made sure after this experience that I would go to HIS town and stay at a hotel so that way I felt I had more control of my schedule and time when I could go home. When he was at my home he literally joked..."maybe I'll just never go back home..." I remember being really frustrated and worried that he didn't have a set flight to leave.

And now that you allowed me to go back down that memory trail.. I'm not sure what would be different this time around. I guess I want to believe that I could feel differently about him...

But, maybe not....I think I like the IDEA of him...and the romantic sense of going back to that hotel.... and having a nice dinner with him....and rekindling things. But within a week he would be at MY place again...and I'd probably be wondering how to get an exit plan.

Maybe this email thing is just an example of the resentment I have for him... clearly if I was head over heels for him.. I would probably look past this ....

February 4, 2023

13 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why did he reach out and ask you to become his girlfriend? Out of thin air? WHY did you agree?

No she said HE agreed to start dating again. Which means she pursued him.

February 4, 2023

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

No she said HE agreed to start dating again. Which means she pursued him.

No---- I definitely did NOT. he texted and called and said he couldn't stop thinking about me.....I did NOT pursue him

February 4, 2023

13 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

.I met him while I was in his town while traveling. But he began coming to my hotel... letting me pay the dinner bill...staying over night and parking his car on MY valet charge.

He was using you. Why did you pay for everything? This too is taking on the masculine role out the gate. After he did this why would you want to see him again? Of course he isn't interested in your work but only what you can do for him, it sounds like.

7 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

No---- I definitely did NOT. he texted and called and said he couldn't stop thinking about me.....I did NOT pursue him

Well the way you treat him to everything I can understand why he feel that way.

February 4, 2023

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He was using you. Why did you pay for everything? This too is taking on the masculine role out the gate. After he did this why would you want to see him again? Of course he isn't interested in your work but only what you can do for him, it sounds like.

Well the way you treat him to everything I can understand why he feel that way.

He just basically let it happen...given we would have food/drink at my hotel often and he would just say "put it on the room". And he did this with his own VALET ticket when he came to see me.

When I mentioned it ....he said well I thought it was for your work? I said yes, it is but I am the owner of the company! I still have to pay the bill -- And he said he just thought it was a write off. Yeah, MY write off -- I don't need to take on HIS too!

Edited February 4, 2023 by howwouldiknownow22

February 4, 2023

2 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

When I mentioned it ....he said well I thought it was for your work? I said yes, it is but I am the owner of the company! I still have to pay the bill -- And he said he just thought it was a write off. Yeah, MY write off -- I don't need to take on HIS too!

Oh my goodness he sounds so tacky.

February 4, 2023

This man is not interested. If others are, as was said above, you would be wise not to spend too much time and energy thinking about the one who isn’t…

Edited February 4, 2023 by BaileyB

February 4, 2023

13 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

When I mentioned it ....he said well I thought it was for your work? I said yes, it is but I am the owner of the company! I still have to pay the bill -- And he said he just thought it was a write off. Yeah, MY write off -- I don't need to take on HIS too!

That’s incredibly presumptuous and very rude. Honestly not sure why you would even consider this.

February 4, 2023

4 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

That’s incredibly presumptuous and very rude. Honestly not sure why you would even consider this.

Yeah I think this whole post is helping me go back through what caused my issues or resentment with him the last time... I guess it's easy to forget some of this over time... You are right. Why would I? I guess because dating is hard and it's not getting any easier... no one is perfect, of course. But, this is frustrating ...for sure

February 4, 2023

You’re coming across like he has to approve your training or be your cheerleader and support you. I do wonder if for all that extra work he expects to get some perks like free meals and you footing the bill on items. Just reading between the lines here.

Completely agree about keeping work and pleasure separate. You are coming across as pushy insisting he watch your training videos.

If he can’t foot his own bills or expenses then dump him. No need to be sugar mama if you don’t want to.

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