age gap

[IrinaM]

12 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

However  a 43 yr old man reached out to me on that site and he wanted me to send photos of myself so I sent live photos through Insta but he would make me uncomfortable saying he jacked off to my photos and I'm a 10/10 now, he's still harrassing me through email, I just wish I never found that site, it seriously has corrupted my mental health. 

Yeah it's not so much your age that makes me think there is a power imbalance in your relationships, but more so your lack of self-worth and inability to suss out when someone has bad intentions towards you.

[IrinaM]

11 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

I told them of the manosphere and my family said that was BS but I don't even know anymore. 

Quote

The guys on the manosphere said don't ever ask older women for advice because they're just gonna sabotage you and they called older women "post wall" and it just gave me severe anxiety because a guy on that site direct messaged me and said "you're at your prime right now, it'll all go downhill from here honey," but he saw my recent photos and called me kinda hot. 

Have you considered taking up a sport, or getting a part-time job? And if you already do these things, maybe learn to play an instrument or something?

Honestly it's one thing for a teenager to date someone older, but i don't think that's the problem here.

I think the real problem would be (hypothetically) a young woman operating under the belief that she will be worthless at 25. I get the feeling you are trying to figure out if these are mainstream beliefs; they aren't. There are very few 30 year old men who will actually date and court an 18 year old with intentions of any sort of long-term relationship. This is so exceedingly rare that it will have tremendous social and professional costs for him. Is he self-employed or independently wealthy?

Edited February 1, 2023 by IrinaM
clarification

[JTSW]

21 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

Yeah, I'm aware. I've always deviated from my peers in that manner, I've always had different interests and I literally stumbled across the manosphere at the age of 16 during covid. also I don't know why but I want the approval of those guys so badly, especially since they don't know what I look like now, I only had photos from 2020 on my phone and I looked really frail but I uploaded them anyways and some of them were mean to me and called me skinny and curveless based on the photos I uploaded, I asked them to rate me out of 10, and that just made me get obsessed with that site because I just wanted to prove to them that I actually have curves now, they were name calling me in threads. Well I reached out to them and they apologized so I got closure but everyone on that site still hates me. However  a 43 yr old man reached out to me on that site and he wanted me to send photos of myself so I sent live photos through Insta but he would make me uncomfortable saying he jacked off to my photos and I'm a 10/10 now, he's still harrassing me through email, I just wish I never found that site, it seriously has corrupted my mental health. 

This is such messed up behaviour OP.

You do not need anyone's approval.

You reduced yourself to a piece of meat for compliments.

You don't sound very mature at all if this is the way you behave because you didn't even see the red perverted flag when a much older man asked you for pics.

A man old enough to be your father.

You are still far too naive to be in a relationship with an older man

You have shown that you can be easily manipulated into doing what men ask, all because you are desperate for approval.

You still have a hell of allot of growing up to do. 

[Livly23]

3 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

 

I think the real problem would be (hypothetically) a young woman operating under the belief that she will be worthless at 25. I get the feeling you are trying to figure out if these are mainstream beliefs; they aren't. 

Yeah, exactly this! I'm just worried that's how guys really think as the guys on there said they are telling the truth about relationship dynamics and they said a woman over 25 they will never date and they mock women over 30 for being 'expired,' which really hurts its like they don't see women as people just objects and the younger the better. It gave me anxiety because in 12 years I will be 30 and the guys on that site said "a batch of new women turn 18 every day, you can all be replaced" and even though in real life, I see couples of all kinds, the guys said that men who date older women are "beta cucks." Its like, do they not have moms or older sisters or anything because they are just so mean on there. 

[Alpacalia]

16 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

The guys on the manosphere said don't ever ask older women for advice because they're just gonna sabotage you and they called older women "post wall" and it just gave me severe anxiety because a guy on that site direct messaged me and said "you're at your prime right now, it'll all go downhill from here honey," but he saw my recent photos and called me kinda hot.

My goodness.

This is really getting specific now...

[JTSW]

Stay off those sites OP.

Don't go on it again.

They are are all so wrong its laughable.

[IrinaM]

3 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

It gave me anxiety because in 12 years I will be 30

Maybe see a doctor for anxiety? I've never met an 18-year-old who is worried about turning 30.

[stillafool]

OP, you so remind me of another poster named Janie.  You might want to look up her threads they might help you.

[Alpacalia]

15 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

Yeah, exactly this! I'm just worried that's how guys really think as the guys on there said they are telling the truth about relationship dynamics and they said a woman over 25 they will never date and they mock women over 30 for being 'expired,' which really hurts its like they don't see women as people just objects and the younger the better. It gave me anxiety because in 12 years I will be 30 and the guys on that site said "a batch of new women turn 18 every day, you can all be replaced" and even though in real life, I see couples of all kinds, the guys said that men who date older women are "beta cucks." Its like, do they not have moms or older sisters or anything because they are just so mean on there. 

What exactly led you to it? It's quite a specific genre to stumble upon. Do you agree? 

I asked you earlier.

[IrinaM]

11 hours ago, Livly23 said:

but I told them of the manosphere and my family said that was BS

 

9 hours ago, Livly23 said:

[deleted]

see this just seems so contradictory to me?

Edited February 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Livly23]

9 hours ago, IrinaM said:

 

see this just seems so contradictory to me?

Well the video my dad wanted me to watch [] was about motivation and stuff, it was genderless but I went on his channel and saw the other videos. 

I talked to my dad afterwards and he said its complete BS and I can still find guys after the age of 30, I mean he married my mom who was 36 when he was 34 

Edited February 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

I’m assuming you are 18 as you say and not a troll, OP. When I was 16-18 I was getting into uni and playing a lot of sports. A number of members have asked if you have a life outside of these forums but you haven’t answered any of them? Move away from the web and online videos and manosphere garbage like this. 

As someone else mentioned earlier, if you’re going to date older don’t stall other areas in your life. Pursue your education and find your independence. Your boyfriend can take it or leave it. Join a few interest groups and gain your confidence that way instead of having people rate your body. 

Edited February 1, 2023 by glows

[Livly23]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m assuming you are 18 as you say and not a troll, OP. When I was 16-18 I was getting into uni and playing a lot of sports. A number of members have asked if you have a life outside of these forums but you haven’t answered any of them? Move away from the web and online videos and manosphere garbage like this. 

As someone else mentioned earlier, if you’re going to date older don’t stall other areas in your life. Pursue your education and find your independence. Your boyfriend can take it or leave it. Join a few interest groups and gain your confidence that way instead of having people rate your body. 

Not a troll, I was going to upload a photo with my username but you can't upload pics on here, I don't know if I can direct message to confirm. 

Anyways, thank you for the advice. To be completely honest with you, during school I just open my laptop and surf the web all day, just absorbing negative energy, even a few months ago I was doing sports and was on the swim team, read a lot, and looking at all these websites made my grades slip a lot. I just thought to myself, "what's the point? If guys don't care about a woman's career, and they only want to date young and submissive women, why am I even working hard?" And I felt like all my accomplishments (I did public speaking and other hobbies) were worthless because they said guys don't care about that, only they care about look, beauty, and submissiveness. 

I agree I need to get off here but honestly watching that kind of content is addicting but also destructive. I haven't really gone outside in months, just stuck at home glued to my laptop. 

Edited February 1, 2023 by Livly23

[IrinaM]

2 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

but you can't upload pics on here

of course you can? although a photo doesn't prove anything, i sometimes use profile photos that are GANs.

But to clarify, the reason people think you may possibly be a troll has to do with how you relate your story- opening with an "age gap relationship," then quickly leading into the manosphere, which is the real content of your posts. The ultra-specific quotes from the great thinkers of the manosphere seem as though you are intending to bait, which is what trolls love to do. Further, most of the posters here actually are women, therefore were once teenage girls. Your thought patterns are simply not those of a teenage girl.

Of course, this is all hypothetical, as you could well be entirely truthful. In which case, you have gotten great advice here, young lady. Get yourself involved in productive activities and try to make some friends your own age. Regardless of the exact details and demographics of your life, you spend way too much time ruminating over stuff you read online.

[glows]

1 minute ago, Livly23 said:

Not a troll, I was going to upload a photo with my username but you can't upload pics on here, I don't know if I can direct message to confirm. 

Anyways, thank you for the advice. To be completely honest with you, during school I just open my laptop and surf the web all day, just absorbing negative energy, even a few months ago I was doing sports and was on the swim team, read a lot, and looking at all these websites made my grades slip a lot. I just thought to myself, "what's the point? If guys don't care about a woman's career, and they only want to date young women, why am I even working hard?" And I felt like all my accomplishments (I did public speaking and other hobbies) were worthless because they said guys don't care about that, only they care about look, beauty, and submissiveness. 

I agree I need to get off here but honestly watching that kind of content is addicting but also destructive. I haven't really gone outside in months, just stuck at home glued to my laptop. 

In life there are going to be a lot of destructive influences. If I can impart to you just one piece of advice, it’s learning to be stern and discerning when it comes to how you spend your free time as will make or break you. School and grades may be easy and you have a lot of time on your hands. Being on a laptop is easy because no one is checking what you’re posting or viewing. Your parents trust you. One day you will be out on your own paying your own bills and responsible for your roof over your head and paying for your own internet connection and wifi. Use it wisely.

Make an effort to join a group and meet your peers. Find people who are inspiring or admirable to you for traits that you find admirable. Avoid heavy emphasis on the way your body looks. If you need help with school talk with your teachers. 

I dated a 27 year old when I was 19 and got bored of him quickly unfortunately because it was clear he has stalled in his life and was kicking around hanging around with a teenager. He eventually did move on and married someone his age but I didn’t respect him much. That’s not to say you don’t have deep care or affection for your friend/boyfriend here but keep in mind it does take a certain person to date teens.  I’d also take into consideration what your parents think even if it’s the last thing you’d want to do and they seem dull. 

The main point is don’t put your life on hold for what others think of your body or for the approval of the opposite sex. Beauty comes and goes. Be more independent and confident when it comes to your own life. You get one. 

[Livly23]

Just now, IrinaM said:

of course you can? although a photo doesn't prove anything, i sometimes use profile photos that are GANs.

But to clarify, the reason people think you may possibly be a troll has to do with how you relate your story- opening with an "age gap relationship," then quickly leading into the manosphere, which is the real content of your posts. The ultra-specific quotes from the great thinkers of the manosphere seem as though you are intending to bait, which is what trolls love to do. Further, most of the posters here actually are women, therefore were once teenage girls. Your thought patterns are simply not those of a teenage girl.

Of course, this is all hypothetical, as you could well be entirely truthful. In which case, you have gotten great advice here, young lady. Get yourself involved in productive activities and try to make some friends your own age. Regardless of the exact details and demographics of your life, you spend way too much time ruminating over stuff you read online.

When I tried to the last time the mods gave me a warning and told me not to post personal photos, so idk. 

Anyways, I see, thank you for clarifying, I really didn't come on here to try to provoke anyone or anything I was just stating my experience. I DO have slight Asperger's (diagnosed), and I have always had hyperfixated interests, I used to read fanfiction obsessively, or think about my weight all the time, and now I guess my obsession is on these sites/gender dynamics. 

But I will definitely take your advice.  

[Alpacalia]

9 hours ago, Livly23 said:

[deleted]

Umhmm.

Do you enjoy dance? Music? Arts?

Edited February 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, Livly23 said:

I talked to my boyfriend about this and he said its good that I'm learning early not to let feminism corrupt me, I think he's more traditional but I don't know if he knows about this redpill stuff. Maybe I can ask him. 

OK.  Now I am confident that this is a bad idea that will lead nowhere good.   Your old boyfriend should have told you that the "manosphere" is a toxic cesspool and advised you to steer clear.  Instead he praised it and bashed "feminism."  

He will probably dump you after you have sex.  At the least you will have lost value in his eyes.   

What exactly are you hoping for your future to look like?

[DirtyHarold]

Livly23, sharing your body with someone as a woman, especially for the 1st time in your life - is huge. I suggest you find a guy closer to your age and you take it slowly, it would feel a bit more fair and fun to lose your virginities together; if that's what your going for, however there is no hurry, you should feel pressured by ANYONE EVER.

I also suggest you stop sharing personal pictures online middle-aged dudes, or anyone really, unless you really trust them or are in a relationship with. Otherwise it's a bad practice.

Men and women get to their absolute prime in their mid 30's I'd say. You've been through life a bit, dated people, traveled, switched careers and you certainly know what you're looking for in life. Also totally fine to have  your 1st child in your 30', which for some women being able to give birth means being in their physical prime.

As other people mentioned here - go to collage, find a better matching guy, get a job, have fun, enjoy the best times of your life. Form as a personality first. 

One day you will look back at this guy and the situation and laugh about it. 

[Livly23]

52 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Umhmm.

Do you enjoy dance? Music? Arts?

Yeah I used to be on the swimming team and I do FBLA, I won public speaking awards, I did competitive tennis, but there's literally nothing to do anymore since I already got accepted into FSU I'm just sitting on my laptop in class all day surfing the web, last night I journaled because I like getting my thoughts out on paper and I keep thinking to myself, WHY do I want those guys approval so badly on that website?! They are all literally anonymous and they're 30+ and I talked to my math tutor about this and she said that never in her history of teaching has she seen someone as bright as me literally drop all my grades. The drama on that website occurred in November and disrupted my focus on school, I got bad midterm grades, I used to be a straight A and B student but I two semester D's, I feel like I ruined my future by wasting my time online and they made me drop out of IB (the high school program I'm in) because of my grade drop and my apathy. I'm scared FSU will rescind me because of my grade drop and I already emailed them, if I have to go to a community college and then transfer so be it, but I just wish I could go back to October and never find that site, that way I still would be on track. I would've still watched the manosphere content but I wouldn't get obsessed with that forum and spend HOURS on there.  All my teachers were concerned about me just sitting on my laptop and not even engaging in class, I took those guys comments as legit, their insults I just ruminated about what they said all day for a month and also what they told me about career women, I just didn't see the point of studying after they said all of that, and I felt hopeless but now I'm getting back on track. 

I know no one here can help me unless I help myself and stop reading these online forums all day, but it was literally like a habit, I just first thing in the morning log in and absorb all of their content. Even some of the users on there were concerned and they said to get off that site or else I would end up jaded. 

Thank you so much for the advice, everyone. I'm reconsidering the relationship with my boyfriend now honestly, I just don't know what to do anymore. I think after I turned 18 he started making moves on me but then I found that website two months after I turned 18 (last September, I found it in November), and after reading all those comments about needing to get a husband early I started reciprocating his interest. 

Edited February 1, 2023 by Livly23

[Els]

4 hours ago, Livly23 said:

Yeah, I stumbled across this men's website that was "redpill," the guys there were talking about how women are childlike, inferior, etc. At first when I started reading I was outraged but I just kept coming back to read that content and I feel like spending so much time on that site, their beliefs were drilled in my head. For instance they said things like women will hit "the wall" at the age of 25 so I need to find a husband before that age, they said they told the harsh truths about interpersonal relationships, I found another woman on that site that recommended this site because it has a more balanced perspective about gender. 

"Redpill" and "manosphere" forums are quite literally an echo chamber for misogyny of the worst sort. Even Reddit had to eventually close those subreddits down, which is really saying something about the level of extremism that those forums perpetuate (if you know what OTHER subreddits still exist on Reddit, you'll understand what I mean).

Unfortunately I think you may have internalized all of this nonsense, having spent so much time there at a young age. It may benefit you to talk to a therapist about these things, and also about your current relationship.

As for what I think, I think that an 18yo "can" do whatever they want. However, I suspect that if you spend your youth with this person, it's extremely likely that you will regret it 10 or 20 years down the road, when you mourn the youth that you never had.

As an 18yo, the world is your oyster. You are just barely getting started in life. People your age will be going to college, meeting age-appropriate peers that they can go to classes and college events and have fun with. But you... you will be tied down to a 30-yo who won't be there with you, at best. At worst... well, I won't even go there.

Quote

I think after I turned 18 he started making moves on me

This is a huge red flag and says a lot about the kind of person that he is (besides the whole anti-feminism thing, which I won't get into). It's one thing if you initiated, another thing entirely for him to be the one doing so with an 18yo. It sounds like he was grooming you while you were underage.

Edited February 1, 2023 by Els

[Gaeta]

I have an 18 year old daughter and all hell would break loose if she was dating a 30 year old. I'm surprised your father isn't more protective of you. I don't care 18 makes you an adult, you were not given the gift of maturity at midnight the day you turned 18. You still need guidance and protection and the proof is the way you give value to a toxic misiogyne website. I am worried that a youg teen girl thinks past 18 she's worth nothing in the eyes of men. You should be busy at building the strong independant intelligent woman you're suppose to be and value yoursef by you're own accomplishments....not through the eyes of a man that can't date a woman his own age....because probably women his age are repulsed by his immatuity.