Bazzo Posted January 28, 2023 Posted January 28, 2023 Is it time to worry? My wife has started to visit a guy she knows at work and recently he threw a party she attended. He put pics on FB where you can see she is giving him a massage. She said it was all harmless but now hides her phone from me (I never checked it but she would always leave it around, not now) When I say visit it is more he comes to the hotel she works in and buys her drinks when she finishes her shift. She has been coming home very late but I cannot be sure it is down to him. She insists they are just friends Am I being naive in believing that?
Wiseman2 Posted January 28, 2023 Posted January 28, 2023 17 minutes ago, Bazzo said: My wife has started to visit a guy she knows at work and recently he threw a party she attended. He put pics on FB where you can see she is giving him a massage. Sorry this is happening. Were you invited to the party? Unfortunately it doesn't look good. "Friends" don't hang out for drinks after work until late or give each other massages. You'll have to ask her point blank what's up, even if she keeps giving you the "we're just friends" line. At some level you know this doesn't seem innocent. 2
Author Bazzo Posted January 28, 2023 Author Posted January 28, 2023 Thanks,yes do agree.Was not invited
glows Posted January 29, 2023 Posted January 29, 2023 What’s your marriage like in general? Are there major disagreements? I ask due to the line about not being sure her late nights are down to him.
JTSW Posted February 1, 2023 Posted February 1, 2023 Sorry, she is 100% cheating with this guy. All the typical evidence is there. Get your detective gloves on and go to the hotel she works at, and watch from the shadows what goes on. 1
Alpacalia Posted February 3, 2023 Posted February 3, 2023 It is not uncommon for a boss to buy drinks for employees, especially after work hours. Giving her boss a massage? Definitely weird. Inappropriate. It was given in a personal and intimate setting, which obviously raises concerns about the nature of the relationship between your wife and her boss. They seem rather chummy these two. Talk to your wife about them and ask her how she feels about the situation. However, it is also important to respect your wife's privacy and not engage in any behavior that could be considered intrusive, such as checking her phone without her consent.
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2023 Posted February 4, 2023 It might not be sexual yet, but it is surely an emotional affair.
Author Bazzo Posted April 3, 2023 Author Posted April 3, 2023 Thanks all and sorry for the delay in replying. I have been trying to find out what may have happened but all I got from my wife was not to be so silly. Things seemed to be getting better but the last week she has been going out and suddenly texting she was working late (coming home at 3 am) and only few days ago she did not come home at all until 10am! Since then she has not really spoken to me. I am pretty much telling myself she has to be cheating. Annoying she won't just admit it!
Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2023 Posted April 3, 2023 Yes, it is time to worry. If your wife is evasive about her whereabouts and is hiding her phone from you, this could be a sign that she is cheating. Has she mentioned why she stays out so late? Does she mention who she is with? Have you asked her why she hides her phone from you? These are all fair questions. She may be cheating, or there may be some other explanation. However, the behavior you have described is concerning.
Author Bazzo Posted April 3, 2023 Author Posted April 3, 2023 Thanks, I will try to talk to her - we must - but she keeps making excuses not to.
mark clemson Posted April 3, 2023 Posted April 3, 2023 It's not illegal to head over to the hotel bar for a quick visit at around the time this stuff supposedly transpires. You could consider doing that. Maybe bring some flowers as a romantic surprise for her just in case you're wrong (which in your case I doubt you are, but one never knows...)
Author Bazzo Posted April 3, 2023 Author Posted April 3, 2023 Thanks - am certainly considering all options!
semble Posted April 3, 2023 Posted April 3, 2023 8 hours ago, Bazzo said: I am pretty much telling myself she has to be cheating. Annoying she won't just admit it! Well hopefully you will catch her in the act or in a lie or she'll just decide to admit it and you won't be so annoyed.
basil67 Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 9 hours ago, Bazzo said: ....and only few days ago she did not come home at all until 10am! Since then she has not really spoken to me. Her actions sound like she has no respect for you. Suspicions of cheating aside, what is the state of your marriage? I suspect it's been lacking in love and respect going back way
Wiseman2 Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 (edited) 10 hours ago, Bazzo said: 10 hours ago, Bazzo said: she has been going out and suddenly texting she was working late (coming home at 3 am) and only few days ago she did not come home at all until 10am. Unfortunately cheaters don't admit to cheating. When you ask her where she was all night, what is her answer? Edited April 4, 2023 by Wiseman2
Author Bazzo Posted April 4, 2023 Author Posted April 4, 2023 Marriage was OK but yes, our work meant we spent more time apart the last year or so. That has played a part. When I ask where she was the answer is just 'out with friends,will you stop keep asking me?' and she walks away. Is impossible to get her to have a relaxed chat about it.
basil67 Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 18 minutes ago, Bazzo said: Marriage was OK but yes, our work meant we spent more time apart the last year or so. That has played a part. When I ask where she was the answer is just 'out with friends,will you stop keep asking me?' and she walks away. Is impossible to get her to have a relaxed chat about it. If she's told you to stop asking her, you're well past the window of a relaxed chat. And if you're suspecting cheating, then it's also not going to be a relaxed chat. Thing is, if she's cheating she won't admit to it. And if she's not cheating, well there's nothing to admit to. Did she tell you beforehand that she was going out for a long night? Is staying out until the next day something which she and her friends have done before? Is your city open 24/7?
Alpacalia Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 The purpose of asking her questions is to open a dialogue. I agree she won't admit if she's cheating but now you can start to see if there are inconsistencies. I always say, give them a rope, they'll eventually hang themselves. In any event, sounds like your wife is enjoying a bit of time away from you.
Wiseman2 Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 56 minutes ago, Bazzo said: , our work meant we spent more time apart the last year or so. That has played a part. Are you home when she's coming in at all these hours? How does working affect your time together?
BaileyB Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 (edited) A woman committed to her marriage does not stay out until 10 am partying with “friends.” She for sure doesn’t say - “stop asking me” when you ask the obvious questions - “where were you and why didn’t you come home last night?” There are big problems here in your marriage. I’m sorry this is happening. Edited April 4, 2023 by BaileyB 2
MsJayne Posted April 4, 2023 Posted April 4, 2023 Not acceptable, you’re entitled to an explanation of the change in behaviour. She’s gaslighting you when she brushes you off. I’d front him, not her, his job’s on the line.
Will am I Posted April 5, 2023 Posted April 5, 2023 18 hours ago, BaileyB said: A woman committed to her marriage does not stay out until 10 am partying with “friends.” She for sure doesn’t say - “stop asking me” when you ask the obvious questions - “where were you and why didn’t you come home last night?” There are big problems here in your marriage. I’m sorry this is happening. That 10am part strikes me. When was the last time any of us partied until past sunrise? That's something that not a lot of people actually do past college age. My guess is that she was sleeping over. 1
Bryanp Posted April 7, 2023 Posted April 7, 2023 Let me ask you the following: If the roles were reversed, how do you think she would be acting? She has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then will?
pepperbird2 Posted April 15, 2023 Posted April 15, 2023 On 4/3/2023 at 11:49 AM, Bazzo said: Thanks all and sorry for the delay in replying. I have been trying to find out what may have happened but all I got from my wife was not to be so silly. Things seemed to be getting better but the last week she has been going out and suddenly texting she was working late (coming home at 3 am) and only few days ago she did not come home at all until 10am! Since then she has not really spoken to me. I am pretty much telling myself she has to be cheating. Annoying she won't just admit it! I hope that, if you’re still sleeping with her, you use protection. Her special guy may have lots of ladies he’s “ seeing”.
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