Can a man be too shy to call or text?

[vanillakoala]

There's a guy I'm attracted to, and have seen for many months. He's a regular bus driver on my daily route to work, so often I can see him 5 times a week. 

In the last month or two, I began acknowledging him more, smiling at him and saying hello hoping to pick up on small talk. This doesn't go far. 
However, when he's on a bus route on the opposite side of the road (so going a different way) he'll see me and smile. When he's on this route I seem to get the most engagement from him. He always looks at me, visibly checks me out, he often nods his head or winks, and will hold eye contact until the very last second. However, when he's my driver he won't look at me, he looks at the ground or behind me, and when I say "Hi how are you" he'll often just smile or say a small hello. But if he's on another route the next time he'll smile and make eye contact

What's with the mixed signals and how do I proceed with it? I feel like the nature of the job doesn't allow me to chit chat, so I can't really converse well with him, and I'm not sure if he's even interested in pursuing anything and don't want to run into a risk of making things awkward.

[basil67]

You want to be cautious of confusing perving or general friendliness with romantic interest.  And you want to be cautious of someone who isn't consistent in their actions. 

But if you really are keen, you could hand him your phone number when you are getting on the bus.   Of course, he may not respond because he's not actually interested or he has a partner...but if this is going to get off the ground, you'll be the one who has to do it because he's not going to. 

Also, what if you do this and he's not interested?  Will you have to change busses so that it's not too embarrassing?

 

[Wiseman2]

Keep in mind many public transport have audio-video surveillance so he's not going to lose his job to flirt with anyone. Even if you have a crush on someone, it's not a good idea to disturb anyone at work. Do not give him your contact info . You don't know him and it could get misconstrued as an escort solicitation.

[basil67]

Oh, I didn't think of the video surveillance.  He may well have been told to not interact with passengers

[xWanderer]

There's guy I like there's a attraction from our energy and the way we interact. He doesn't say as much to anyone else acts differently with me nicer .As I get off he when I thank him he says you welcome or thank you have a nice day everyone else he only says bye or nothing. Anyway it was some time before I saw him again for 3 months. There were two buses I glanced in and I didn't look properly , walked off to one in front after I looked back at the other bus I only noticed it was him right before getting on the other bus. He was looking at me in wtf way , tried to avoid looking. The next time I saw him he didn't acknowledge me avoided looking me cold vibe and when I get off he . He's never acted that way before. I realised it was because of last time. I made extra effort to show him I like him with my actions paying him more attention , giving him good eye contact smiling etc. Skipped the bus in front knowing his bus was coming behind everyone was getting on the one in front. Had him few times to and from work , he's changed back to his usual way with me. Now he's acting differently to me acting nicer interacting with me more. Wishing me to have a nice day more interactive with me again. Wore skirt caught him turning his head taking a second look at me as I walked on. As I was getting off the bus I always get off before I could thank him first he wished me have a nice day. I said thanks a lot have a nice day he responded thank you miss have a nice day. Month later when I saw gave him my number wished him have a good new years he gave wink as I was saying it , he saw I was handing him a note asked what is this. I said you'll see. Trying open it fast I got off he shouted have a nice day I said you too. He hasn't text or anything yet. I saw him again since it was only me getting on at the bus stop waited for me to take a seat still waited a minute something before taking off usually he takes off right away no cars coming or anything. As got off I said thank you happy new year and he said thank you have a nice evening. Only to me not anyone else .  I didn't want to bring up mentioning the note yet .

I feel like hes shy not sure what to say to me . I always thought he wouldn't know what to say if I gave him my number. I'm thinking I need to ask him for his number instead ? I was 99% sure he liked me .

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, xWanderer said:

. Month later when I saw gave him my number wished him have a good new years 

It seems like he's being friendly and polite. He has your contact info so if he's not contacting you it's because he's not interested or not single.

[xWanderer]

Him winking at me he was getting more flirty with me  looking right into my eyes. He hadn't seen the note yet . Also him acting cold for a while for no reason when I didn't get on his bus looking at him walking off  then him acting nice again. He doesn't do this with others.

Should I ask next time I see him joke how he never texted me?  He come across introverted too 

 

[glows]

Is this a stranger on your daily commute?  He may be married with children or have a girlfriend and living with a partner. 

You can ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a flirty way but may not like what you hear. Keep things lighthearted and leave him alone if he doesn’t seem interested in asking you out. He may also not be interested in taking this further than cordial and friendly greetings on the bus.

[xWanderer]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

Is this a stranger on your daily commute?  He may be married with children or have a girlfriend and living with a partner. 

You can ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a flirty way but may not like what you hear. Keep things lighthearted and leave him alone if he doesn’t seem interested in asking you out. He may also not be interested in taking this further than cordial and friendly greetings on the bus.

He's bus driver he hasn't got a ring.  We do flirt  a bit I definitely feel some attraction from him and his wink there is something .

He always acts different with me everyone else he doesn't interact or say anything . Although not gonna lie I always had a feeling if I gave him my number he wouldn't know what to say thought it was better I asked for his instead. He gives off a shy vibe his demeaner . I don't know if I'm intimating either been told that before .

[CaliforniaGirl]

 

I'd look for someone more outgoing and more demonstrative. If you have to wonder all the time, if you have to interpret all the time, even right from the very beginning when usually attraciton is more obvious - then it may just all be frustrating even if you do manage to get that date. I would just let this one go and if he wants to make some real moves, great. Otherwise I'd err on the side of caution and not try to catch his attention all the time and I would just let him drive his bus and maybe let him pass the time of day quickly and politely once or twice on the ride.

Edited January 25, 2023 by CaliforniaGirl

[xWanderer]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

 

I'd look for someone more outgoing and more demonstrative. If you have to wonder all the time, if you have to interpret all the time, even right from the very beginning when usually attraciton is more obvious - then it may just all be frustrating even if you do manage to get that date. I would just let this one go and if he wants to make some real moves, great. Otherwise I'd err on the side of caution and not try to catch his attention all the time and I would just let him drive his bus and maybe let him pass the time of day quickly and politely once or twice on the ride.

Always felt there was quite strong mutual attraction there although he's a little shy I've noticed he also follows my lead in a way . 

I probably will jokingly ask about him not calling after chatting a little starting a conversation asking where he's from etc. We haven't said all that much .

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, xWanderer said:

Always felt there was quite strong mutual attraction there although he's a little shy I've noticed he also follows my lead in a way . 

I probably will jokingly ask about him not calling after chatting a little starting a conversation asking where he's from etc. We haven't said all that much .

Okay, but very carefully follow his lead. If he doesn't seem receptive to that, you need to 100% back off because he can't leave the bus, that's his job. It would be a super uncomfortable and unfair position for him to be in.

If he is receptive, great! You never know. People do meet somehow. Just see what he says.

[glows]

37 minutes ago, xWanderer said:

He's bus driver he hasn't got a ring.  We do flirt  a bit I definitely feel some attraction from him and his wink there is something .

He always acts different with me everyone else he doesn't interact or say anything . Although not gonna lie I always had a feeling if I gave him my number he wouldn't know what to say thought it was better I asked for his instead. He gives off a shy vibe his demeaner . I don't know if I'm intimating either been told that before .

This is his job. He can’t leave the bus to get away and it’s better not to keep hitting on a person while they’re working. Keep things lighthearted but don’t overanalyze the way he talks or looks at you. 

Unfortunately if he’s not asking you out or there’s no clear romantic interest, there’s likely a very good reason on his end and that needs to be respected. 

[NuevoYorko]

Try to restrain yourself from projecting so much.  Just deal with exactly what happens.  Don't bother with your interpretations of any of it. 

You mention more than once how he doesn't behave with any other people the way he does with you.  How would you know this?  He is a bus driver.  He's interacting with hundreds of people throughout his workdays.  You might get on the bus and ride for a few minutes a day. Even during those minutes, you have no idea what's transpiring between him and the many other passengers who are getting on the bus while you're already seated.  I would be willing to bet money that he says "you're welcome" or "have a nice day" to plenty of people besides you.  

Whether he's married, shy, gay, doesn't date passengers on his route or just doesn't want to call you is immaterial.  You are dealing with facts:  The fact is that you gave him your number and he has not contacted you.

This leaves you with the option of doing nothing or else asking him for his number.  My personal advice to you would be to put this obsession you have away.  It seems unhealthy.  

 

Edited January 25, 2023 by NuevoYorko

[xWanderer]

Yeah so far he's been very receptive even when he winked at me smiling I was  shocked it good timing to give him my number. 

I always see how he is and I'll get conversation going see how he interacts .  His voice always go softer when he talks to me as well.

All I said in the note was lets get to know each other .  Now I  think that was quite vague  implied conversation maybe not sure what to say.

 

[xWanderer]

7 minutes ago, glows said:

This is his job. He can’t leave the bus to get away and it’s better not to keep hitting on a person while they’re working. Keep things lighthearted but don’t overanalyze the way he talks or looks at you. 

Unfortunately if he’s not asking you out or there’s no clear romantic interest, there’s likely a very good reason on his end and that needs to be respected. 

It's only cause he's seemed receptive wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable ,  it's usually the last stop where we interact. 

Only cause he comes across shy casually joke about him not texting or calling see what he says and leave it as that still be nice or respectful after.

[glows]

3 minutes ago, xWanderer said:

Only cause he comes across shy casually joke about him not texting or calling see what he says and leave it as that still be nice or respectful after.

Agree. Leave it at that if there’s not much response or you don’t hear from him. Always be respectful of someone’s job and workplace. Try not to make anyone uncomfortable. The wink or other body language might have been a mistake.

No conscious decision to date you or follow up means not interested.

[xWanderer]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

Agree. Leave it at that if there’s not much response or you don’t hear from him. Always be respectful of someone’s job and workplace. Try not to make anyone uncomfortable. The wink or other body language might have been a mistake.

No conscious decision to date you or follow up means not interested.

I'll see what happens anyway the wink definitely wasn't a mistake  only cause it feels there is something, or maybe it's he is attracted flirting but maybe he's got someone else and thats it or he's maybe shy .  It was a month ago now I'll casually jokingly mention it and leave it as that after 

[Alpacalia]

By mid-twenties, most guys have had some experience pursuing women. The moment you accept his half-hearted effort, you've let him see you as nothing special. Half-heartedness makes him take you for granted in a vicious cycle. Meanwhile, he gradually falls in love with that other girl who won't tolerate rubbish.

How does it look like when a man really thinks you are special? Well, he is always planning dates with you. In between your dates he contacts you and talks about when you will see each other again. It is hard for most men to get up to you or fail to climb up to you. Avoid those.

The most that you can do is to encourage him and let him know that if he asked you out that you would happily say yes (because you like him of course!). You've already given him his number. Please don't try to call him, bump into him or anything like that.

He hasn't noticed, so you might have to accept that he isn't interested.

Don't worry, others will be and will reciprocate the interest that you deserve. 

Edited January 25, 2023 by Alpacalia

[xWanderer]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

By mid-twenties, most guys have had some experience pursuing women. The moment you accept his half-hearted effort, you've let him see you as nothing special. Half-heartedness makes him take you for granted in a vicious cycle. Meanwhile, he gradually falls in love with that other girl who won't tolerate rubbish.

How does it look like when a man really thinks you are special? Well, he is always planning dates with you. In between your dates he contacts you and talks about when you will see each other again. It is hard for most men to get up to you or fail to climb up to you. Avoid those.

The most that you can do is to encourage him and let him know that if he asked you out that you would happily say yes (because you like him of course!). You've already given him his number. Please don't try to call him, bump into him or anything like that.

He hasn't noticed, so you might have to accept that he isn't interested.

Don't worry, others will be and will reciprocate the interest that you deserve. 

Only cause he comes across shy . I haven't got his number I didn't ask, that was my initial plan as I felt if I gave him number and he's not sure what to say .

I didn't mention going out or anything in the note. I saw him once since few days later he he still acted super nice not weird or anything. I dressed up he said thank you have a nice evening.  He didn't say anything to others only bye. I might casually joke how he didn't text me see how he reacts maybe he'll say . I always wanted to have a chat ask where he's from hes foreign and ask him for his I didn't do it that. Only as he comes across shy . If he was cocky or confident I wouldn't bother.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, xWanderer said:

He's bus driver 

He may not be able to fraternize with passengers. Keep in mind there is surveillance and he's working. It's nice you're friendly, but he's working so try to let him do his job.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, xWanderer said:

All I said in the note was lets get to know each other .  Now I  think that was quite vague 

Nothing vague about this at all.  Also, HE HAS YOUR NUMBER!  If he wanted to use it - whether for conversation or a date or whatever - he would.

Silence is an answer.  Doing nothing is an answer.  You have your answer.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry OP, but it's safe to say he is  not interested. 

He would have contacted you by now if he was. It's going to be best to leave this idea behind you, but good on you for trying. Be polite when you see him but don't attempt any further personal communication. 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, xWanderer said:

  He didn't say anything to others only bye. 

Again:  You don't know how he interacts with others.  You have a minuscule sample size of other passengers where you can actually tell what and how he speaks / looks at them.  He's dealing with people every minute of every workday.   

You know how he interacts with YOU.  You can't compare it with anything else except maybe the 2 people who got on / off the bus ahead and right after you did.   

[shellzbellz83]

3 hours ago, xWanderer said:

Yeah so far he's been very receptive even when he winked at me smiling I was  shocked it good timing to give him my number. 

I always see how he is and I'll get conversation going see how he interacts .  His voice always go softer when he talks to me as well.

All I said in the note was lets get to know each other .  Now I  think that was quite vague  implied conversation maybe not sure what to say.

 

I don't think your note was vague at all. Agree with others that he would have contacted you if interested. "Joking" about him not texting you is a bit cringe. He knows he hasn't texted, and that was a conscious choice he made. 

Edited January 25, 2023 by shellzbellz83