Lifegoeson12 Posted January 24, 2023 Posted January 24, 2023 I decided to go back on the dating scene and I am struggling with my confidence. My last ex was very critical of me and I think he purposely tried to destroy my confidence when we broke up. It wasn't till after the break up that I was having very honest chats with friends and they said I was the better looking one in the relationship I thought that was them just being supportive until I went on a date with a guy who follows me on Instagram for a while so he saw my ex and said to me on the first date "I hope you don't mind me saying this but you could so much better than you ex" I was flattered but still couldn't believe it. I've been told by friends that they think I don't see how attractive I am. They said that even their male friends comment on how pretty etc I look. When talking to guys online they will say I'm very attractive, cute sexy and I will often catch people walking down the street looking at me. The thing is I don't see it and now that I am back on the dating scene when guys say it to me I just don't believe them. Most guys I meet for dates will tell me how pretty or cute I am but I rarely get chatted up on nights out. Which makes me think the guys saying it are just being nice. I will catch men looking at me some even checking me out but they don't approach. I know it's not cause I am serious looking or don't look approachable as I've been told by lots of people I am very approachable. And then when I see someone I like or I begin chatting to a guy on a night out I think of all the nasty things my ex said and it makes me really conscious. What are some tips on making yourself feel more confident on the dating scene? I know there is no magical recipe to make yourself feel more confident but if you have tips on how you do it when your feeling less than confident. I would be very grateful.
introverted1 Posted January 24, 2023 Posted January 24, 2023 Hinging your confidence on how you look is a mistake. There will always be someone better looking, and the saying that beauty is only skin deep is actually true. Not to mention that what one person finds attractive, another may not. Build your confidence around characteristics and qualities that are uniquely and sustainably yours: kindness, compassion, wit, humor, etc. What do you bring to the table in terms of qualities that matter? 3
ShyViolet Posted January 24, 2023 Posted January 24, 2023 You are putting way way too much emphasis on your looks. You seem to think that other people thinking you're "pretty" and "sexy" is everything. Other people thinking you are pretty is not the same thing as confidence. Try to stop obsessing over your looks and find your self-worth in other ways. Yes it's nice to know that others find us attractive but that's not everything and that doesn't equal happiness. 1
Giovane Posted January 24, 2023 Posted January 24, 2023 When I read the topic line and the first couple of sentences I thought this was going to be about qualities that you should actually care about, but then I found out it‘s just about your looks - and apparently, those aren‘t even a real problem. From where I stand, it looks like your biggest problem might be the emphasis you put on „looking sexy“. It distracts from other things you should probably care about. 2 1
smackie9 Posted January 24, 2023 Posted January 24, 2023 Smile smile smile. Smiling makes you more approachable.
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 24, 2023 Author Posted January 24, 2023 2 hours ago, Giovane said: When I read the topic line and the first couple of sentences I thought this was going to be about qualities that you should actually care about, but then I found out it‘s just about your looks - and apparently, those aren‘t even a real problem. From where I stand, it looks like your biggest problem might be the emphasis you put on „looking sexy“. It distracts from other things you should probably care about. I agree, I 100% know it's not on looks. What I was trying to say was when a guy would comment on my looks it would make me feel like they are not being honest. I suppose What i am asking is what can i do to make look more confident overall.
JTSW Posted January 25, 2023 Posted January 25, 2023 16 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: My last ex was very critical of me and I think he purposely tried to destroy my confidence when we broke up. I think your ex felt insecure because he had such a beautiful gf and projected that insecurity onto you. He sounds jealous even. You say you don't believe people when they compliment your looks, but soooo many people have so they cant be lying can they lol
Weezy1973 Posted January 25, 2023 Posted January 25, 2023 17 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: What are some tips on making yourself feel more confident on the dating scene? Confidence is really about knowing you’ll be fine regardless of the outcome. For example, don’t worry about how other people think you look. Some men will find you attractive and others won’t. But you can’t do anything about that so don’t worry about. When you’re on a date, think more about what you think of your date than what they think of you. Again, you have no control over what they think of you, so no sense in worrying about it. Just try to assess whether they’re someone you want to see again.
glows Posted January 25, 2023 Posted January 25, 2023 Your ex hurt you so I think it’s fairly natural to still feel self-conscious to some degree. Let go of that negative loop though. You’re emphasizing, re-emphasizing to yourself each time you bother listening to comments about your looks how much your looks matter. Rise above. The truth is it’s not about your physical appearance. Never was. You’re made up of much more than what you look like so start taking charge of other areas in your life that you want to focus on.
ZA Dater Posted January 27, 2023 Posted January 27, 2023 On 1/24/2023 at 7:45 PM, Lifegoeson12 said: I decided to go back on the dating scene and I am struggling with my confidence. My last ex was very critical of me and I think he purposely tried to destroy my confidence when we broke up. It wasn't till after the break up that I was having very honest chats with friends and they said I was the better looking one in the relationship I thought that was them just being supportive until I went on a date with a guy who follows me on Instagram for a while so he saw my ex and said to me on the first date "I hope you don't mind me saying this but you could so much better than you ex" I was flattered but still couldn't believe it. I've been told by friends that they think I don't see how attractive I am. They said that even their male friends comment on how pretty etc I look. When talking to guys online they will say I'm very attractive, cute sexy and I will often catch people walking down the street looking at me. The thing is I don't see it and now that I am back on the dating scene when guys say it to me I just don't believe them. Most guys I meet for dates will tell me how pretty or cute I am but I rarely get chatted up on nights out. Which makes me think the guys saying it are just being nice. I will catch men looking at me some even checking me out but they don't approach. I know it's not cause I am serious looking or don't look approachable as I've been told by lots of people I am very approachable. And then when I see someone I like or I begin chatting to a guy on a night out I think of all the nasty things my ex said and it makes me really conscious. What are some tips on making yourself feel more confident on the dating scene? I know there is no magical recipe to make yourself feel more confident but if you have tips on how you do it when your feeling less than confident. I would be very grateful. Its a difficult question to answer but in my view you need to be confident in your ability to be successful at dating and yes this a very difficult! The other thing which may help is to be kind to yourself and think about all the things that you are good at and enjoy. Its also very difficult for some guys to approach someone who is very attractive because said guys may not have confidence either.
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