Rebounds..

[noclobber]

Have any of you ever been a rebound (if yes how did u feel when u realized u were a rebound) or found somebody as a rebound (if yes what was ur motive)?

[JS17]

What the heck do you care? You hate women anyway.

[basscatcher]

Ive been in both situations.

 

Both have been the same except reversed.

 

In a rebound you are not over your ex enough to be able to move on with someone else without taking out your frustrations about your ex on the new person.. Your still emotionally attached- good or bad- on your ex.

 

When something upsets you in your new situation your emotions tend to connect with the past and the new person gets double whammy'd with the response.

 

Sometimes I believe if the new person is understanding and patient they can succeed in a fullfilling relationship with the person but it takes patience, understanding, honesty and openess in order for it to succeed.

[noclobber]

What the heck do you care? You hate women anyway.

 

I hate women? hmmm this is news to me!

 

i know where u r coming from JS. u wud have come across some of my posts where i talk about nice guys or women going after men 'cos of money etc.

 

i want to make myself very clear that i do not hate women. in fact i LOVE women.

 

you shud take the time to read all of my posts before u come to a conclusion and decide to bash me. even in the posts where i appear to be a woman hater u got to realize that i was not alone.. u will always find alpha and other people. it doesn't mean we hate women. nope i am not a misogynist!! its just that certain things that women do drive me crazy and i am expressing that via this forum. i am sorry if i have given u the wrong impression. haven't u come across some women that got cheated become ranting man hating machines? its just an expression of their frustration with the opposite sex! don't be so quick to judge, not just me, but anyone!

[off2sea]

I'm in a rebound situation now and at first the new person seemed like the perfect cure to all. Unfortunately she is turning out not to be the wonderful companion I first thought and now each time I get disappointed, the old feelings come crashing through as well. I'm trying really hard to take it for what it is and not get too emotionally involved.

[Tangerina]

Hmmm.... I am pretty sure that when I met my current BF it was a rebound, because I wasn't over my ex yet... he pursued me and I went along with it because I really liked him but I also felt horrible because I was still dealing with all sorts of crap about my ex and I knew it was hurting me and him... it was a bit harder to see this at the time. However, as I started to get over my ex for real (no longer wanted him back, no longer thought about him much, no longer had many strong emotions) I started to fall for this guy for real... in some ways the two were related, but this is when it stopped being a rebound thing, I fell for him for real reasons, because my heart was now free again without my ex tying up every bit of feeling that I had. I am still with the guy and have fallen in love with him, he is wonderful for me and although I wish I had met him at another time so I could have avoided putting us through the rebound crap, I am glad I met him when I did because it was one of those things where lots of random things line up and even though we had lived in the same neighborhood for 2 years we never met and I was moving out of town and if I hadn't met him that day we never would have met....

[noclobber]

When something upsets you in your new situation your emotions tend to connect with the past and the new person gets double whammy'd with the response.

 

That's so true... I have found myself taking my wrath on a totally innocent person.. gosh i think its so difficult to control feelings and emotions..

[noclobber]

I'm in a rebound situation now and at first the new person seemed like the perfect cure to all. Unfortunately she is turning out not to be the wonderful companion I first thought and now each time I get disappointed, the old feelings come crashing through as well. I'm trying really hard to take it for what it is and not get too emotionally involved.

 

i think u got to wait before falling for a new person. the mind invariably tends to compare to the ex and things get ugly when it does happen

[noclobber]

Hmmm.... I am pretty sure that when I met my current BF it was a rebound, because I wasn't over my ex yet... he pursued me and I went along with it because I really liked him but I also felt horrible because I was still dealing with all sorts of crap about my ex and I knew it was hurting me and him... it was a bit harder to see this at the time. However, as I started to get over my ex for real (no longer wanted him back, no longer thought about him much, no longer had many strong emotions) I started to fall for this guy for real... in some ways the two were related, but this is when it stopped being a rebound thing, I fell for him for real reasons, because my heart was now free again without my ex tying up every bit of feeling that I had. I am still with the guy and have fallen in love with him, he is wonderful for me and although I wish I had met him at another time so I could have avoided putting us through the rebound crap, I am glad I met him when I did because it was one of those things where lots of random things line up and even though we had lived in the same neighborhood for 2 years we never met and I was moving out of town and if I hadn't met him that day we never would have met....

 

wow! this sounds exactly like the situation i am in now. when i met this woman couple of months ago she was in an LDR that wasn't going well. obviously she wasn't interested in me in 'that way' that time. but she hung out with me a lot.. last week she told me that she broke up with her BF and off late i am also getting the vibes that her feelings for me are changing. but i just dunno what to do b'cos i am not exactly sure how she is feeling towards me.. can u give me any ideas? i really need it now before its too late. this dilemma is stopping me from even giving her compliments..

[Walk]

Did the girl break it off with the guy? Or did the guy break it off with the girl? Cause I think if she broke it off, then it's a lot better bet the girl really likes you and wants to be with you. But if he dumped her... she might be projecting unresolved feelings for him onto you.

 

You've known her a while, have you asked her how she feels about the LDR guy? Not sure if she'd tell you the truth, but you should be able to gauge what she's saying non-verbally, as well as verbally.

[noclobber]

Did the girl break it off with the guy? Or did the guy break it off with the girl? Cause I think if she broke it off, then it's a lot better bet the girl really likes you and wants to be with you. But if he dumped her... she might be projecting unresolved feelings for him onto you.

 

You've known her a while, have you asked her how she feels about the LDR guy? Not sure if she'd tell you the truth, but you should be able to gauge what she's saying non-verbally, as well as verbally.

 

hello walk,

 

nice to meet u again

 

well she broke-up with him... that too over email. when i met her 2 months ago i had no clue she had an LDR boyfriend cos she never ever mentioned to me about him. she did mention her other girl friends and other guy friends. so one fine day when i learnt about it i was quite disappointed. i asked her casually why she never talked to me about her BF and she replied "its on again, off again". that was it, again she never talked about him to me. and last week she said she broke-up with him. this was the first time she directly mentioned about that guy to me.

 

now i am getting some vibes that she might be interested. but i am not able to tell for sure, especially b'cos of the fact that she was not interested in me when we first met. but at that time she had that LDR boyfriend. what clues can i possibly look for to ascertain that she has feelings for me? right now i am reluctant to even give her a compliment let alone make a move b'cos of this awkward situation. we hang out a lot - do lunch, dinner, go to games, movies, etc..

[Walk]

I may be wrong, but damn Man!! Open your eyes for the love of God!

 

 

From a female perspective, if I make a point to inform a guy I know that I am SINGLE again, it means I'm defintely interested. (Especially since she never mentioned him normally. So this seems intentionally directed at informing you of her SINGLE status. Which could be taken to mean she's AVAILABLE to date. Which might mean that she's specifically telling YOU that's she's AVAILABLE.)

 

 

what clues can i possibly look for to ascertain that she has feelings for me?

Right here.

we hang out a lot - do lunch, dinner, go to games, movies, etc..

 

If she's already spending a fair amount of time with you, my gut instinct would say she's interested in you, and likes who you are. Enjoys your personality and characteristics. Otherwise she wouldn't hang out with you. Combine this with her news of now being single. I would say the probability of the fact that she is interesting in pursuing something more with you is extremely likely.

 

Maybe you should ask her though.

 

Oh, and one reason she may not have mentioned the LDR much is because she has been interested in you for quite a while, but didn't want to scare you off by throwing the LDR in your face all the time.

 

You need to jump on this, before she decides you aren't interested in her.

[brittanyjean259]

my best friend, was in a rebound relationship, they both had just gottenn out of a relationship...well he tried to mold her in to his ex girlfriend, would always be like" MY EX gf wouldent do this....well they both cheated on eachother...with there ex's...and in 4 months they broke up....and of course she doesnt care why? bc she is in love with some1 else and so is he....

 

my ex of 3 years...rebounded...there still together...(2 months)....and from what i here they fight alot( exactly how me and my ex did).....and now i here he is moving away( yes devastating...now im back from sctrach and can cross out all hope)....ahhh life is so hard

[Treasa]

My current boyfriend could technically be construed as a rebound. I started dating him about a week after I broke up with my last boyfriend, although in fairness, I had emotionally disengaged before the breakup.

 

My "rebound" and I have been dating for a year and a half, and will probably get engaged in the next year or two.

[noclobber]

I may be wrong, but damn Man!! Open your eyes for the love of God!

 

 

From a female perspective, if I make a point to inform a guy I know that I am SINGLE again, it means I'm defintely interested. (Especially since she never mentioned him normally. So this seems intentionally directed at informing you of her SINGLE status. Which could be taken to mean she's AVAILABLE to date. Which might mean that she's specifically telling YOU that's she's AVAILABLE.)

 

 

 

Right here.

 

 

If she's already spending a fair amount of time with you, my gut instinct would say she's interested in you, and likes who you are. Enjoys your personality and characteristics. Otherwise she wouldn't hang out with you. Combine this with her news of now being single. I would say the probability of the fact that she is interesting in pursuing something more with you is extremely likely.

 

Maybe you should ask her though.

 

Oh, and one reason she may not have mentioned the LDR much is because she has been interested in you for quite a while, but didn't want to scare you off by throwing the LDR in your face all the time.

 

You need to jump on this, before she decides you aren't interested in her.

 

wow! thanx much for ur detailed reply Walk!

 

i will start spinning the wheels right now

 

Enjoys your personality and characteristics.

 

reminds me of something... ahem

[Walk]

 

Dude, you're loaded?!?!?!

 

Sa-Weet!!

[Walk]

u had advised me to ask her out before she decides that i am not interested in her... now i have 2 questions:

 

1) she broke-up with her LDR boyfriend last wednesday. wud it be too early if i ask her out next week?

 

2) we r already hanging out so i don't think i can use the "would u like to go out with me" line.. what can i probably say to convey to her that i am into her?

 

Lishy u may also want to chime in and give me some suggestions

 

thankx guys, u r wonderful!

 

Any possibility of having a heart to heart with her?

 

If not... Don't know if this would work, or apply to your situation. But I kind of had a bit of the same situation a while ago.

 

This is how I finally figured out he wanted more then friendship.

1. When we went out, if his foot touched mine, he didn't move it. If his hand brushed mine on the table, he didn't pull it away. Stupid little stuff like that.

2. He would keep eye contact, like I was THE MOST important person in the world.

3. He'd call me after we'd go out. Like half an hour after we'd parted, and say he just called to tell me he had a great time and he really enjoyed my company and wanted to make sure I'd made it home okay. Then he'd wish me a good night. (The way he did it, it came off as being gentlemanly, not creepy.)

4. He'd anticipate my desires. Ie. If I looked cold he'd take his coat off and drap it over my shoulders instead of assuming I was okay if I didn't say anything. I'd broken my back during that time too, and if I even remotely looked in pain he would make getting pain reliever a priority.

5. And when the date was over, he'd walk me to my car, and wait until I got in and turned it on. Just to make sure I was safe, and okay.

 

I guess what I'm saying is if you don't feel comfortable being forward with her about your interest, then maybe if you modify your behavior slightly. Show her through actions that your desire is to ensure she is comfortable, safe, and happy. Make her feel like her welfare is important to you. Friends will help out and have fun, people who love you (or like strongly) will go out of their way for you, and be there even without asking.

 

Not sure if this helped any. I can't see it hurting if you actually talk to her about it too, but I know sometimes that can seem like the hardest thing in the world if you're unsure of how she feels about you.

[noclobber]

Any possibility of having a heart to heart with her?

 

If not... Don't know if this would work, or apply to your situation. But I kind of had a bit of the same situation a while ago.

 

This is how I finally figured out he wanted more then friendship.

1. When we went out, if his foot touched mine, he didn't move it. If his hand brushed mine on the table, he didn't pull it away. Stupid little stuff like that.

2. He would keep eye contact, like I was THE MOST important person in the world.

3. He'd call me after we'd go out. Like half an hour after we'd parted, and say he just called to tell me he had a great time and he really enjoyed my company and wanted to make sure I'd made it home okay. Then he'd wish me a good night. (The way he did it, it came off as being gentlemanly, not creepy.)

4. He'd anticipate my desires. Ie. If I looked cold he'd take his coat off and drap it over my shoulders instead of assuming I was okay if I didn't say anything. I'd broken my back during that time too, and if I even remotely looked in pain he would make getting pain reliever a priority.

5. And when the date was over, he'd walk me to my car, and wait until I got in and turned it on. Just to make sure I was safe, and okay.

 

I guess what I'm saying is if you don't feel comfortable being forward with her about your interest, then maybe if you modify your behavior slightly. Show her through actions that your desire is to ensure she is comfortable, safe, and happy. Make her feel like her welfare is important to you. Friends will help out and have fun, people who love you (or like strongly) will go out of their way for you, and be there even without asking.

 

Not sure if this helped any. I can't see it hurting if you actually talk to her about it too, but I know sometimes that can seem like the hardest thing in the world if you're unsure of how she feels about you.

 

Thanx much Walk

 

Actually we have been hinting each other for a while now... i am doing #1, #2, and #5 that u have mentioned about ur BF. don't know whether my girl is getting the hints or not.. i cud also see that she is trying to tell me something.. she always looks at my face eagerly when we talk, keeps tapping on my arm, laughs a lot and enjoys being with me... recently i told her that i am having trouble sleeping at night (i really do).. and everytime i said that her face brightens up and she drops a smile.. she said "is something on ur mind?".. and yesterday when the same topic came up she said "i know u r dreaming of my cats" (she has 2 cats).. but i found that one sentence to be very funky... why wud i dream of her cats? also, whenever i say that i have to travel to some city she will immediately say that she wants to come with me.. i initially didn't respond but finally agreed to take her to Seattle next yr... yesterday she asked "what r u doing this weekend?" and i just said that i will be visiting my friends.. but the way she looked at me and asked i felt like she wanted me to take her somewhere..

 

since the subtle things r there i am just planning to say to her next week - "hey do u wanna go out with me, 'for real'?" <since we r already going out>.. dunno whether its a good idea but i am scared that she might think i am not interested in her if i don't make a move..

[Walk]

"i know u r dreaming of my cats" (she has 2 cats).. but i found that one sentence to be very funky... why wud i dream of her cats?

 

Can't read others minds, but personally, I use stuff like this as a representation of me. Her cats are a part of her, and if you're dreaming about her cats, then in essence you're dreaming of her. Messed up woman logic. She's asking if you're dreaming about her, but scared you'll say no, or that it'll come off too desperate and needy.

 

Noclobber... honest man, she's crazy about you. Tell her you want to make it "for real" and I promise you she'll jump on the chance. Everything you've described is like giant neon lights saying "I LIKE YOU!" If you wait to long she's going to find someone else who won't wait.

 

She's doing everything but saying it out loud, and she has in woman code word, you just didn't understand. So tell her you want more then friendship!!!

 

And if you look at it logically, you can wait and hope she'll smack you in the head and point blank say she wants more too, or wait and watch her slowly go away. I think you've got more cajones then to stand idly by and watch.

 

Post a reply after. I wanna hear how happy she was when you asked and she said yes!

[Walk]

p.s. I used to ask my bf, before we were bf/gf, to take me on trips with him too. I wanted to go so badly, but tried really hard not to let him see how badly. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, and I wanted to see what he saw, and know what he liked, and learn everything I could about him. And I wanted him to want to take me, to want to be with me, and to want to show me his life.

[noclobber]

Thankx a bunch Walk..

 

I am not gonna wait any longer. Tomorrow I am going to say "hey u want to go out with me, for real?" and see how everything unfolds from there..

 

Will let u know immediately about her reaction

[noclobber]

hi walk,

 

i was planning to convey my interest to my girl but guess what? she fell sick over the weekend

 

she is still hanging out with me but she is ill.. i don't know whether i can tell her my feelings at this stage.. no idea how a woman wud feel when a guy opens up when they r not feeling well.. i can wait but i am not in a position to

she is moving to the city on saturday.. she found an apartment there (she also keeps urging me to move). so that means she won't be on the train anymore... and that in itself is a big blow b'cos we usually have our best moments in the train.. also i feel that the more i delay the more i am ruining my chances.. i don't want to end up in her "friend zone"..

 

so this is situation now... i know that my girl is having fever, shud i wait or shud i go ahead and convey my feelings?

[Walk]

Can you go visit her? Bring her some chicken soup or something?

 

Really depends on how bad she's feeling. Honestly, I would NEVER want a guy I'm interested in seeing me puke my guts out and all of the horrible things our bodies do when we're really sick. It would embarrass the hell outta me. And I'd probably avoid him for a while after that.

 

If she's not to the point she thinks she's dying, I'd say get over there.

 

You talked to her right? How bad did she make it sound? If she was able to talk to you on the phone she's probably okay.

 

My suggestion... take her something small, she probably won't be able to eat, but I would've loved having my bf bring over chicken soup anyway. Or a little get well present. If you want.

 

I'm really more of the type of person who believes in going for it. You have 3 day's to convince this girl that you are the one for her, and let her know how you feel about her. 3 day's isn't long at all, and too many things can come up in that time that could stop you.

 

Grab your coat and go, man!

 

I don't know if that's the best advice. I have this mental picture of you riding in like a knight in shiny armor with an arm load of chicken soup, professing your undying love for her on bended knee.... and she pukes all over you.

 

But if you give her heads up your on your way over, that might work better. No girl likes to be seen at their worst.

 

Don't let her get away Clobsie. She likes you, a lot. It's in your court, you've gotta take the leap.

[noclobber]

Can you go visit her? Bring her some chicken soup or something?

 

Really depends on how bad she's feeling. Honestly, I would NEVER want a guy I'm interested in seeing me puke my guts out and all of the horrible things our bodies do when we're really sick. It would embarrass the hell outta me. And I'd probably avoid him for a while after that.

 

If she's not to the point she thinks she's dying, I'd say get over there.

 

You talked to her right? How bad did she make it sound? If she was able to talk to you on the phone she's probably okay.

 

My suggestion... take her something small, she probably won't be able to eat, but I would've loved having my bf bring over chicken soup anyway. Or a little get well present. If you want.

 

I'm really more of the type of person who believes in going for it. You have 3 day's to convince this girl that you are the one for her, and let her know how you feel about her. 3 day's isn't long at all, and too many things can come up in that time that could stop you.

 

Grab your coat and go, man!

 

I don't know if that's the best advice. I have this mental picture of you riding in like a knight in shiny armor with an arm load of chicken soup, professing your undying love for her on bended knee.... and she pukes all over you.

 

But if you give her heads up your on your way over, that might work better. No girl likes to be seen at their worst.

 

Don't let her get away Clobsie. She likes you, a lot. It's in your court, you've gotta take the leap.

 

hello there walk,

 

ok i gotta right away thank u for ur quick response

 

lemme tell in detail.. we travel together everyday to work.. we always sit next to each other.. if there r no such seats my girl will ask somebody to trade seats so that we both can sit together... so yesterday on our way i told her "i know that this is ur last week... i got u a small gift" and i gave her a Bob Dylan CD (she adores him). OMG she was soooooooo happy... i cud easily see that.. then she told how she fell sick over the weekend and was still ill.. she looked okay but i cud see that she was tired.. then after work we traveled together again and in the train she said she was hungry... i told that i will take her to a restaurant and we went to a Thai place.. she had chicken soup there (ooopps.. did "somebody" suggest this?).. i paid. after dinner she said she wanted to hang out for some more time and we were just walking.. she seemed so happy and was laughing a lot.. she said "i haven't laughed so much with anybody else" and also said "u got to promise me that u will continue to hang out with me even after i move to San Francisco".. we both had a good time and when departing i hugged her and was surprised to see she not leaving me for a long time...

 

today i was planning to tell her but she is still sick. we just had lunch now.. i got her fruit juice.. now my question is -> i know that she is having fever. is it okay for me to open up when she is sick? how would a woman feel if a guy asks her out or conveys his interest when she is ill?

[Walk]

I think she's not too ill, and that it would be okay. She's hanging out with you, and eating, and still going to work, so althought she's probably tired... I don't think telling her how you feel is going to be a negative thing.

 

I think it'd be bad timing if she were to sick to leave the house, and couldn't hold food down, etc. But I think since she's going to eat with you and stuff, then it'd be fine. Honestly, the only time I wouldn't want to hear a guy I like tell me he is head over heels for me is if I'm too sick to get outta bed, and even then I'd still love to hear it.

 

I don't think she's too sick, and I do think it'd be a good time to tell her.

 

Great idea with the Bob Dylan CD! You're girls got good taste.

 

I have a meeting I've gotta go too right now. Wish Lishy were here, would be good to have two opinions on this. I think it's fine if she's going out to eat with you and stuff. She's probably just tired, and not super great feeling. But doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to her about your feelings. She's probably thinking the same things as you are. And wondering if she should talk to you now, or what. Chances are she's worried you're not going to like her as much as she likes you... All the worries you have, I would guarantee she's feeling too. All her actions point toward that. Don't second guess yourself so much that you trip yourself up.

 

Tell her. Today or tomorrow. But tell her. I'll bet you $5 bucks she's ecstatic! And that's all the money I own, so that's how much I believe she likes you too. I'm putting all my money on it. She's not too sick. she'll be receptive, adn happy.