rick812 Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 So I met this girl about 3 months ago. I was out with some friends and she approached me. Well, we immediatly hit it off. The chemistry level was extremely high. The following week, we talked for 3-4 hours every night, which went equally as well. Our first date was the following Saturday, and we both had an amazing time. However, one thing led to another and we had sex on our first date. Well the next day, I could tell that she was upset. So, we talked for several hours, and she said that was scared because that was something that she does not do and that she lost control. She said that it even scared her the night we met because of how well we hit it off and she was affraid of becoming too attached. So after sleeping together, she said that she became even more attached. At this point, she said she wanted to run away. Well I calmed her down, but from that point on, everytime we would have a discussion or what she thought was an arguement, she said "that's it, its over, it's not going to work. I'm going to get hurt." She finally admitted that she was being unfair to me and that she was constantly looking for a way out with me because she was unsure about the future. I suggested and she agreed that we would not sleep together again until we decided that we wanted to be in a commited relationship. Well, the following week, she said she was sure , but after only a week, how could I be sure? But each week, there was something knew. She would create drama by picking out any small aspect out of our relationship that she thought might pose a potential problem. Then I would react, because of just enjoying the relationship, she was picking it apart and I would get annoyed. Then she would say that it is over because she can't handle the drama. Now, normally, I would have let this girl go, but I thought that once she gets over this insecurinty about this relationship, everything would be fine. Come to find out her boyfriend she had just broken up with a few months earlier cheated on her. Well, to make a long story shorter, everything was finally going well. She even said how she was falling in love with me. That she could se us getting married, which i thought was premature. But then one day about 3 weeks ago, she just started acting very cold towards me, and when i asked her about why, she got mad at me, and said that I was creating drama and she did not want to tell me why she was acting this way. Well, that was 3 weeks ago, and I have yet to here from her. I have tried calling, e-mailing, text messaging. No response at all. What do you think?
whichwayisup Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 She has issues and just let her go...If she calls you then talk to her, be blunt and honest with her about her disappearing act. She's handling this wrong but obviousy this is the only way she knows how. If you like her enough, then stick around...If not, then move on.
Author rick812 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 Thanks for the reply. What threw me for a loop is the drastic 180 degree turn she took. One day she is telling me she is falling in love with me and the next she wants nothing to do with me. If I did something wrong, I sure don't know what I did.
Walk Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 I'd be scared. Very very scared. And put lots of distance between you. Yikes. Not mentally stable. Even if you blame her yo-yo emotional roller coaster on her exbf issues, it still would probably be healther for her to spend some time single and getting her emotional issues back under control. Then when she's more confident with her self again, and has had time to reflect and analysis the situation, then maybe she should date again. If I were you, send an email that simply say's I know you are having problems of your own, if you need an ear, then I'm available. Otherwise, I wish you well. Then don't call or email again. You're semi-contributing to her instablity just by continuing to email/call all the time. Give her space, and time. And be a friend. and run like hell.. hahahaha
Author rick812 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Posted November 4, 2005 I know, I think the biggest thing with me is not knowing for sure why she will not speak to me. It's just part of my personality that if did something to upset someone, I want to know.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Tell her she can trust you (if she can) and you underdstand her being scared but you arent her ex b/f and (hopefully) wont treat her the same and her being all for it 1 minute then disappearing the next upsets you and if it doesnt calm down soon its gonna upset you more to the point where it will end up ending the relationship - see what she says - give her 2 weeks at least to change her ways (dont expect full change now and then she might get a lil scared but thats normal we all do time to time just reasure her) but if shes really giving you an emotional rollercoaster time then tell her its not workin and if you want you could suggest when shes over her insecurities or feels better about it you two could get together and take it slow. good luck!
Author rick812 Posted November 5, 2005 Author Posted November 5, 2005 In order to do that I have to get a hold of her, which is proving to be difficult.
Alwaysunsure Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Hey Rick. It sounds like your girl has an insecurity issue. It ultimatly has nothing to do with you. Part of her "picking apart" the relationship, and always telling you it is over, is her trying to say how she wants things to go, and trying to get you to do it like that. I know this, because I play the same game. It is more then likely that she did have a bad past relationship. Girls who do this, are tyring to test you to see what makes you mad, and wether or not they like how you handle it. Every situation is a little test. But, let me warn you, that if you do get a hold of her, and you end up in a relationship, she will probably be pretty needy. She will analyze everything that you do. I hope I did not come off to harsh, and I hope was some help. Good Luck!
Author rick812 Posted November 6, 2005 Author Posted November 6, 2005 Thank you for your response. I think you hit it right on the nose. She even admitted that she is very emotionally needy. Trust me, I did everything I could to show her that I can be trusted. As for constantly testing me, I think you were right. She would ask me questions about myself, my past, my opinions on certain issues, and it did seem like a constant test, that if I answered a question wrong, then we would just not work. It was rediculous.
Author rick812 Posted November 6, 2005 Author Posted November 6, 2005 How randon is this? So I run into her best friend last night. Her friend told me that the reason i have not heard from her is that she realized it would be a mistake for us to continue seeing each other because of our clashing personalities and that we argued too much. But the reason we would argue so much was the fact that from the beginning she wanted to run from the relationship and that she was afraid of getting hurt. My question is how can you say that you are "falling in love," "never want to let me go" and even talking about marriage and then within two days decide that you don't want to continue the relationship? Furthermore, she never told me any of this. She just dissapeared.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 She has issues and just let her go...If she calls you then talk to her, be blunt and honest with her about her disappearing act. She's handling this wrong but obviousy this is the only way she knows how. If you like her enough, then stick around...If not, then move on. Totally agree with WWIU you need to get rid of this girl sounds like she could be one of these fatal attraction things !! Cut your losses !!! Good luck
Alwaysunsure Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Yes,she sounds like an odd bird. I wouldn't worry about it, dont waste your time. If she is this way now, she will only get worse in a relationship.
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