ltomlinson81 Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I love him to death and want to marry him. However, recently, I have been very annoyed with him. I don't like being around him and don't want to have sex with him. I don't even like when he touches me. I just recieved a promotion and am very stressed at work and am working very long hours. I am thinking that maybe that stress is just getting to me and manifesting itself in our relationship. Has anyone else been through this? Any thoughts?
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 What is he doing that is annoying you so much?
Author ltomlinson81 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 He isn't doing anything. I just feel annoyed. I don't even want to talk to him or be around him. But I am stressed and don't really want to be around anyone, ya know? So I am confused...
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 So if I understand this correctly, the problem isn't him, it's you. Does he know how you are feeling? Have you discussed this with him? Remember, guys are into clarity and directness. Subtle hints, or even not-so-subtle hints won't do the trick.
Author ltomlinson81 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 Yes, I am the problem, not him. He knows that I am stressed and do not want to have sex and is VERY understanding about it and is bearing with me. I am just paranoid that he is going to get fed up and leave me, which I do not want because I am crazy about him.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 I felt this. In the beginning no less, not 5 years later. I stuck it out and I am the happiest woman alive. I think that you have more important things going on in your life, like your promotion, that your worrying about and everything else kinda seems trivial. You need to tell your BF that its a stressful time and to give you space. I'm not sure of you guys live together but if so I would take a weekend trip to get away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You might need time to breathe.
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 Congrats on your success, IhavenoFREAKINclue. You are one of the fortunate ones. You need to tell your BF that its a stressful time and to give you space.(emphasis added) I'd be a little careful about this. The phrase "I need my space" or similar is often interpreted as "get lost." I do, however, like the idea of taking a weekend away and re-connecting as a couple, without the stresses of work for a couple of days.
SmoochieFace Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 Yes, I am the problem, not him. He knows that I am stressed and do not want to have sex and is VERY understanding about it and is bearing with me. I am just paranoid that he is going to get fed up and leave me, which I do not want because I am crazy about him. You're crazy about him and you don't want him to leave yet you can't stand being around him and you don't want him touching you and having sex with you. Wow. You've got quite a bit there to sort out. I will say this: If I was your BF, I would be packing my bags right about now. Or maybe packing yours.
Author ltomlinson81 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 With a name like smoochieface, I am not surprised by your response. But relationships are complicated, especially when careers get involved. Thanks for your input.
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 Remember, too, that for most men, sex = acceptance and caring. Turning down sex all the time, even if he understands, will eat away at the foundations of the relationship.
SmoochieFace Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 With a name like smoochieface, I am not surprised by your response. But relationships are complicated, especially when careers get involved. Thanks for your input. "With a name like Smuckers..." Brushing aside the lame *attack* on my nick, let's look at this from a strictly objective POV... You have basically done a 180 on this guy that you say you love and want to marry. You are blaming this on a promotion and long hours. Sorry, but I do not buy it. I believe something else may be at play here. Yes, it's possible that your career may be a factor but there is more to it, I'm afraid. Let me throw this out: Are you annoyed with other people in your life as well or is it just your BF?
SmoochieFace Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 Sex is supposed to relieve stress... Ain't that the truth!
Art_Critic Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 With a name like smoochieface, I am not surprised by your response. I think I know what is going on .. I'll bet you attack him like this and he doesn't take it and that is what is annoying you
SmoochieFace Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 I think I know what is going on .. I'll bet you attack him like this and he doesn't take it and that is what is annoying you Sure is a real b!tch trying to fight Teflon-coated folks, ain't it? About as effective as fighting with Samsonite luggage or Timex watches.
Author ltomlinson81 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 It wasn't an attack. It was a joke. And no, I don't attack him. I never said I was cold or not nice to him. I am very kind to him and we get along just fine. I am just trying to cope with my feelings for him and the stress in my life. I wish this hadn't become a joke because actual advice would have been nice. No one has ever felt this way when stressed?
SmoochieFace Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 I wish this hadn't become a joke because actual advice would have been nice. No one has ever felt this way when stressed? My apologies. Some of us have a demented sense of humour. Nothing personal. However, I did ask a legit question in my second post here about whether you are annoyed with basically everyone or just your BF. That wasn't a joke. As far as feeling that way when stressed... not to that degree. Not to the point of being cold and distant with my SO.
Author ltomlinson81 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 I haven't been cold. I have been very good about treating him well, knowing I feel this way. No, I am not annoyed of everyone, but on a similar note, when I work 10 hours, at the end of the day, I prefer to be alone.
SmoochieFace Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 ...when I work 10 hours, at the end of the day, I prefer to be alone. Well, my suggestion to you is to think real hard about that. If you marry your BF you will not be alone - unlees you want to be in a dysfunctional or *open* marriage. Marriage isn't something that can just be turned on or turned off at your whim and if you really feel that you would rather be alone after a ten-hour day then you may need to rethink your ideas of getting married.
noclobber Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 to the OP, u have been very clear about the situation u r in that is making u pay less attention to your BF. work and stress can have a huge impact. but to be brutally honest i will have to say that u r being unfair to your BF. he may appear to tolerate this for now but i seriously doubt how long he would. at some point a bent stick is bound to break... u shud be lucky that u got urself such a man! be happy about that and give him the love that he so richly deserves. if my GF pulls any such stunts on me i wud have shown her the door long time ago.
Walk Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 Just a point to ponder... When you die will you think how great it was to have the promotion? Or wonder if you exbf still thinks of you? No sex = ex bf. Take it for fact. And I'm sick and tired of posting after noclobber!!!! Stop it, will ya.
noclobber Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 And I'm sick and tired of posting after noclobber!!!! Stop it, will ya. Point taken
Treasa Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 I would go easy on her and not say things about "pulling such stunts". This isn't a stunt. This is no different then a guy becoming really stressed or involved about something and pulling away emptionally. Women are told to just let him "cave", but if it happens to a woman, we'd better suck it up and continue to put out? Um, no. ltomlinson81, I've been in your position with my own job. Every time my boyfriend touched me, I'd get angry. I was so stressed I couldn't even sleep. Thankfully this only lasted as long as I let myself be stressed. I agree with Walk on this one - when you're 90, will you be happy with yourself for working such long hours and stressing yourself all to ****, or will you be content with the time you spent with loved ones? Promotions aren't always what they're cracked up to be. Are you angry because he isn't as stressed in his own life? Or maybe he doesn't listen to you when you try to vent? Or maybe it's just displaced anger. Either way, this promotion doesn't seem to be sitting well with you. Either find a way to deal with the stress, as I did, or find a different job.
konfuzd Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Be thankful that when you come home from a stressful day at work that you have someone who wants to hold you and touch you. There are many, many people who would give anything to have your problems (I'm included in that group). I have a very high stress job, when I come home, all I want is to have someone there who can help get my mind off work. Instead, I end up stressing about work when I'm at work, and then coming home to an empty house and stressing more about work and feeling like I've had a 20 hour work day. If you feel uncomfortable with him touching you, (I definately think there are more underlying issues)maybe you should get out of the house and do something so you can de-stress, maybe go somewhere romantic so you can set the mood and want to have sex at the end of the night...
Recommended Posts