Verbal Attack

[basil67]

51 minutes ago, andrem11 said:

Perhaps you should take some time to consider why you projected a negative outlook on me from only an out of context text and my gender. Gender discrimination goes both ways, and if you don’t want to be on the receiving end of it, perhaps you shouldn’t dish it out. Men and women can both display good and bad qualities.

I just re-read your thread and I cannot see any comment about your gender.  For what it's worth, I didn't even consider your gender.   I can't help but wonder if this type of overreaction and assumption from you also has a part to play in the story with you.  Carting around this kind of baggage is going to alienate others.

For what it's worth, when I was working in a school playground and a child would come up and say "they called me a poo poo head" the first question asked is "what happened before that?"  Because there was *always* something which went down before the verbal attack.   With the exception of a domestic abuse situation, I still work on this theory and it holds.  Sometimes it's a misunderstanding and over reaction......and sometimes it was in response to something else that was rude, but there is always a cause.  

In this case, she felt annoyed that you were pestering her.  And you poked the bear by raising the vaccination thing again.  (and no, a smiley face does not make your comment unconfrontational).  And you kept on about the wood when she'd made it very clear that she has no interest in speaking with you and so she reacted.   Honestly, it sounds like really she doesn't like you at all and holds a massive grudge against you.   

Next time someone says they can't help you (I'm not Home Depot) take the hint and say "Ok, sorry to bother you" and hang up

That said, her reaction was rude and if there's truly no more history to be known, she should have just blocked you when you said who you were. 

 

 

Edited January 24, 2023 by basil67

[andrem11]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I just re-read your thread and I cannot see any comment about your gender.  For what it's worth, I didn't even consider your gender.   I can't help but wonder if this type of overreaction and assumption from you also has a part to play in the story with you.  Carting around this kind of baggage is going to alienate others.

For what it's worth, when I was working in a school playground and a child would come up and say "they called me a poo poo head" the first question asked is "what happened before that?"  Because there was *always* something which went down before the verbal attack.   With the exception of a domestic abuse situation, I still work on this theory and it holds.  Sometimes it's a misunderstanding and over reaction......and sometimes it was in response to something else that was rude, but there is always a cause.  

In this case, she felt annoyed that you were pestering her.  And you poked the bear by raising the vaccination thing again.  (and no, a smiley face does not make your comment unconfrontational).  And you kept on about the wood when she'd made it very clear that she has no interest in speaking with you and so she reacted.   Honestly, it sounds like really she doesn't like you at all and holds a massive grudge against you.   

Next time someone says they can't help you (I'm not Home Depot) take the hint and say "Ok, sorry to bother you" and hang up

That said, her reaction was rude and if there's truly no more history to be known, she should have just blocked you when you said who you were. 

 

 

My gender is clearly implied from this post. Every poster in this thread who assumed I had been harassing this person/ not leaving her alone to the point of being abused like this happens to be female. Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed and a man sent a woman a text telling her she had a fishy smelling, loose pussy and would never amount to anything in life because she had nothing to offer the world, would it be assumed the woman was “harassing” the man, or would the man just be a misogynistic a**h***? 
 

Also, bantering with people sometimes relieves tension. I have experienced this before. Are you just supposed to cut off anyone who you have ever had a negative encounter with? There are ways to tell people that you don’t want to talk to them that are explicit instead of implicit and not overtly rude. Don’t expect to send a clear message if you’re expecting someone to read between the lines. 

Edited January 24, 2023 by andrem11

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, andrem11 said:

My gender is clearly implied from this post. Every poster in this thread who assumed I had been harassing this person/ not leaving her alone to the point of being abused like this happens to be female. Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed and a man sent a woman a text telling her she had a fishy smelling, loose pussy and would never amount to anything in life because she had nothing to offer the world, would it be assumed the woman was “harassing” the man, or would the man just be a misogynistic a**h***? 

Sure, why wouldn't I figure that she was annoying the heck out of him?   It's not only men who can be annoying

[Alpacalia]

It is a very silly exchange.

Take this as a result of flirting gone awry.

It was a bit antagonistic in your exchange, and not everyone responds well to it. 

Yes, she responded crudely and harshly. Take advantage of the fact that you no longer have to interact with her.

[basil67]

48 minutes ago, andrem11 said:Are you just supposed to cut off anyone who you have ever had a negative encounter with? There are ways to tell people that you don’t want to talk to them that are explicit instead of implicit and not overtly rude. Don’t expect to send a clear message if you’re expecting someone to read between the lines. 

Yes, there are ways to tell people that you don’t want to talk to them. She clearly expressed that she didn’t want to talk with you by a) having deleted your contact details b) when she cut you off telling you that she wasn’t a timber store. And c) she reinforced it by remaining frosty during the conversation .  

How much clearer did you need her to be?

And to reiterate, I think her outburst was unnecessary.  But equally, don’t go annoying people who clearly want nothing to do with you.  
 

 

[Alvi]

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

 I am paraphrasing here, but I recall her insulting my intelligence and yelling about how she can’t believe she slept with an anti-vaxxer (I am not one), before kicking me out.

OP, sometimes you need to understand some social clues that the other person is not interested in talking and much less dating you. When that happens, you need to stop completely instead of pushing and pushing this person (who is not interested in even talking to you) anymore. 

 That was more than a year ago. She never reached out to you, so it is very safely to assume that she is not interested in hearing from you in any shape, way or form. She didn't want anything to do with you, obviously back then. So, why didn't you delete all of her contacts back then? What purpose did you think was going to accomplish saving her phone number?  Did you have it on your phone because you were hoping that one day she might change her mind and take you back? I wonder if you contacted her in hopes would lead to another hook up.  

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Me: Do you have any idea what type of wood this is?
Me: *photo of wood*

This is very random and so out of the blue. I suppose you took your chance here. Oh, OK.

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Her: Who is this?

OK, so this is your clue that she is not interested. This is where you say, "Oh, my bad" and delete her number completely if for some reason you haven't done it already.

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Me:Lol *********. We used to sleep together occasionally, until you kicked me out for being unvaccinated at the time
Her: I don’t know what wood that is 

She told you that she is not interested and that she is not a wood expert. This is a second time that she tells you that she is not interested. Why didn't you say "Oh, OK, I see. I thought you had some knowledge regarding this subject. Sorry to bug you. Have a nice day."

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Me: Any idea what a reasonable floor would be for cost if it’s low quality like pine or something 

Her: I’m not Home Depot 

OK, why are you pushing this? She have already told you twice that she has no desire to talk to you. What are you hoping to get out of this? This is a third time that she told you that she is not interested and second time that she doesn't have an answer to the question that you seek.

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Me: But are you Lowes?

Ha ha ha. Not funny at all. I suppose, he pulse is going right up to the very top level.

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Her: I have a bf and I live in NYC now, enjoy your life 

OK, this is a time Number 4 that she told you that she has no desire to talk to you. How many clues do you need that she is not interested? Why she didn't block you is beyond me.

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Me: Lol I’m just trying to sell wood and know you make tables 

But she have told you twice that she cannot help you, remember,

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Me: Don’t make it into something it’s not 

What is she making this into in your opinion? You are the one who is contacting her and not letting it go. She doesn't sound enthusiastic  at all. She told you multiple times that she is not interested and yet you tell her that she is the one who wants something more??? Huh???

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Her: Ok let me make this clear to you. You sucked at sex but I put up with you because I was bored. You’re whiny and you’ve reached put to multiple times because you clearly can’t get anyone because your personality and dick suck. f*** Pdf 

And this is a point where she totally lost it after sending you clues that she is not interested. Yes, yes, yes, what she told you wasn't very nice but it all could've been avoided only if you took some clues that she is not interested and left her alone. Or better yet, deleted her number a year ago. You cannot control her words and actions but you are in charge of your own.

I am going to ask you again, what good did you think was going to be keeping her phone number and contacting her after more than a year of no contact? On top of that, you told her that she is making something more out of this interaction that you initiated when she told you numerous times that she was not interested. She should have blocked you instead of sending a nasty text to you. 

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

Also, bantering with people sometimes relieves tension. I have experienced this before. Are you just supposed to cut off anyone who you have ever had a negative encounter with?

Actually yes, generally speaking, it is a very good idea to cut off all of the contact with someone who has been rude, crude, abusive and downright offensive to you. It is going to save you a lot of unnecessary drama down the road, such as this one. While you probably cannot cut off some rude co-workers or bad relatives, you can sure stir clear from previous bad dating encounters.

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

My gender is clearly implied from this post. Every poster in this thread who assumed I had been harassing this person/ not leaving her alone to the point of being abused like this happens to be female. Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed and a man sent a woman a text telling her she had a fishy smelling, loose pussy and would never amount to anything in life because she had nothing to offer the world, would it be assumed the woman was “harassing” the man, or would the man just be a misogynistic a**h***? 

Yes, it would be very offensive if a man sends this message to a woman completely out of the blue for no reason. There is no reason for such nastiness, regardless of the gender. This is why they invented the block button instead. This is why it is better to block someone who doesn't take no for answer. 

It has nothing to do with the gender. Next time when someone tells you that he or she is not interested, LEAVE THEM ALONE before it gets to the boiling point.

But you are right, she should have not sent you that text.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, andrem11 said:

My gender is clearly implied from this post. Every poster in this thread who assumed I had been harassing this person/ not leaving her alone to the point of being abused like this happens to be female. Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed and a man sent a woman a text telling her she had a fishy smelling, loose pussy and would never amount to anything in life because she had nothing to offer the world, would it be assumed the woman was “harassing” the man, or would the man just be a misogynistic a**h***? 
 

Also, bantering with people sometimes relieves tension. I have experienced this before. Are you just supposed to cut off anyone who you have ever had a negative encounter with? There are ways to tell people that you don’t want to talk to them that are explicit instead of implicit and not overtly rude. Don’t expect to send a clear message if you’re expecting someone to read between the lines. 

Wow, I can't even imagine what turned her off about you...

Just leave her alone. Okay?

[ShyViolet]

Was she harsh and rude?  Yes.  But you were in the wrong too.  She made it perfectly clear that she didn't want to talk to you, but you kept texting her and texting her in a really weird and inappropriate way.  It's like you had no concept of her social cues that she wanted you to leave her alone, and you kept pushing.  I don't feel sorry for you that she sent you that rude message, you kind of provoked her and she felt she needed to be more direct and harsh because you weren't leaving her alone.  Yes she could have just blocked you.  This is the way she chose to handle it.  If you don't like it, don't keep bothering people who make it clear that they want you to leave them alone.

[ExpatInItaly]

You were both wrong. 

You were not picking up hints that she didn't want to talk to you and were being rather antagonistic, and she lashed out in an unnecessarily harsh manner. Next time, don't continue the conversation with someone who quite clearly doesn't wish to talk to you. Simple and avoids more drama.