allaboutchoices Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Hey guys, I need some different opinions here. I broke it off with my MM few months ago. We had sex at that time as well. I haven't talked to him/seen him in a while. Now chances are I'm pregnant. My mom didn't know she was expecting me until 3 months later (she still had her period during the first 2 months), so I really didn't even think about getting checked. I don't know for sure yet, but I've been doing a lot of thinking. My homekit was positive, I've been eating a lot more, sleeping a lot more, and being sick a lot more A little insight: - I do not want that man in my life as he has his own with his W and C - I will not get an abortion or give up the child for adoption - Should I tell him about it (if it proofs to be the case)? It would cause more drama and pain, probably a lot of mistrust and a DNA test (I haven't slept with anyone since the break-up, but it would seem strange to come out of nowhere, and just say "hey, guess what, you are gonna be a daddy). I think he has the right to know. It would be his as well. But I don't know. I want to move home (several thousands miles away), and so he wouldn't even get the chance to see the kid. What to do what to do? I know I need to wait to be certain, but I am thinking all this now and would like some experiences, opinions. Thanks - A:eek:
toughspot Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation, it must be so stressful. IF you feel that you are ready to have this baby and all that coems with it, then you are making the right choice about keeping it. I would say that you should tell this guy abou tyour pregnancy. The baby will want to know who it's father is, and you should get some support at the very least financially from this guy. It takes two to tango, so he should take responsibility. It would be better for you, him and the baby for him to know now, rather than in a year, or two or five or 18 or whatever... I work with teenagers that are in DSS and it really pains them when they don't know who their parents are, they feel rejected, so if you have the knowledge on who the dad is, it seems as you do, then i would definitly do what you can to get him involved. Hope this helps. Keep us posted here on the forum. All the best.
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 He deserves to know. Whether or not he's a part of this child's life - Who knows... And the child should know who her/his father is. Not only for medical reasons, but for emotional ones. Children who grow up without their father (even if the next man you are with becomes this child's father) eventually seek out that parent. Adopted children do a search for their birth parents all the time. SO, in that sense, your child needs to know the truth. Get to a Dr, have a blood test to be absolutely 100% sure you're pregnant before you do anything else.
Author allaboutchoices Posted November 2, 2005 Author Posted November 2, 2005 I wouldn't create more drama unless I was 150% sure I was expecting. I will not say anything until I know for sure, and even then I think I will need some time to figure out what to do exactly. I know he has the right to know. It is his blood as it is mine. I also know he wouldn't be there for the C even if I moved next door to him. If nothing else I can offer him the chance, and most important, I can offer the C a father. The money would be helpful, too. Argh...so exciting and so upsetting at the same time.... Thanks guys.
ClassLady Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 You definately need to see a doctor asap. Not just to be 100% sure but for you and the babys health. Have you actually had your period since the breakup and had you been using any form of birth control? My mom is a nurse so if you have any specific questions, I can try to get them answered for you. Good luck with this one!
Leid Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 You said: A little insight: - I do not want that man in my life as he has his own with his W and C - I will not get an abortion or give up the child for adoption - Should I tell him about it (if it proofs to be the case)? It would cause more drama and pain, probably a lot of mistrust and a DNA test (I haven't slept with anyone since the break-up, but it would seem strange to come out of nowhere, and just say "hey, guess what, you are gonna be a daddy). I think he has the right to know. It would be his as well. But I don't know. I want to move home (several thousands miles away), and so he wouldn't even get the chance to see the kid. : I got a burning question for you.. why would would you have unprotected sex with a man you don't want in your life? To answer you question -- and you did ask for all types of opinions here -- IF you plan to keep the baby, I believe he's entitled to know. He doesn't have to be in your life, per se, for him to have a rlp with his own kid. That's not fair to him.. what you plan to do.. lie to the child and say you don't know who his/her daddy is? I think once another life is involved, the game changes...
Author allaboutchoices Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 Leid, I did want him very much in my life when we were dating. Things got ugly when the W found out and we went our separate ways as he 'chose' to be with her. My story was a 'typical' OW story. I was also on Birth Control. I was trying really hard to stay away from their live and was hoping for them to work it out (yeah, I know, a bit too late). I cut off all contact I possibly could have and have not had any contact in a while. I agree he should know. I've known that. There is no game going on. It's plain and simple. I don't want him in my life as a spouse, but yeah, things might change and I don't get to choose. What's best for the baby is what's gonna happen. I was just looking for some other views that might help me to choose the best in this situation. Thanks guys for your imput!
ClassLady Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Now I am really confused. You said you were on birth control and yet you got pregnant. Is this correct? Are you really sure you are? Have you had your period since the last time you had sex?
Art_Critic Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Her home test was positive.. From what I know about home tests it's the negative result that is in question not the positive.. Unless she was on hormone therapy she is most likely pregnant.. All hometest positives should be followed up with a blood test from your Dr.
Leid Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 OK, well, hate to come off as harsh.. . sorry.. I know everyone has their own thing.. But I make it a point to not have sex w/ any man I wouldn't have a child for. OK, that aside, this sounds like a tough one. ClassLady it IS possible to get preggers on any birth control.. even the pill. Allaboutchoices.. you do have a lot of choices... I can only say try to do what's best for you and your child and is in your heart!
ClassLady Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Although I really do appreciate everyones opinion, I am very interested in "allaboutchoices" responses to my questions.
Author allaboutchoices Posted November 4, 2005 Author Posted November 4, 2005 Now I am really confused. You said you were on birth control and yet you got pregnant. Is this correct? Are you really sure you are? Have you had your period since the last time you had sex? Hey guys, thanks again for your imput. I am not looking for sympathy here, just someone elses opinion and experience. Leid: we are all different and we all make mistakes. Eventhough I don't see my past relationship with MM as a mistake, I am well aware that it was wrong. I happen to sleep with men for pleasure as well Classlady: Even birth control is not 100% safe (from what I've learned from my doctor). I had my period, but now I have been 3 weeks late. That's why I took the home-test. I went to a doctor, should know soon. I really don't believe that being pregnats is possible, but I guess you never know:o My mom didn't know for 3 months that she was expecting me, and therefore I am not really surprised now...she was having her period. Not sure what the heck...but well. If you read my very first post...I am not sure if I'm pregnant, I was just thinking 'ahead' if I was. That though was on my mind that day and I was wondering about other people's opinions on what to do IF that was the case.
ClassLady Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Sounds like you might have a case of wishful thinking. Maybe you are just missing your MM:( Not sure what you are waiting for from the doctor. Results should be instant. Hopefully you are not PG. It is difficult at best to raise a child without trying to do it single and with the situation of the MM and his family. Hopefully this all works out for you.
AJS Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Here is a test I used to find out if my H daughter from when he was a teenager, was really his (she's grown now) Just in case you need it to prove to him he is the father after your baby is born. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out. http://www.gtldna.com/paternitytest.html
ClassLady Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Allaboutchoices, havent heard anything from you on this lately. Are you doing ok? I hope we werent to harsh and that you are doing ok. Let us know.
Author allaboutchoices Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 Hey you all, thanks for your support. Noone has said anything hars, Classlady, thank you for your concerns. Nothing I wouldn't expect anyways. I am pregnant indeed. Life's been changing fast now. My biggest dilemma is that of I want to move back to Europe (family support + with a baby I don't see much chance to be able to survive here). I get free health care there and family support which I really need. I don't know how to tell him. I can't stay here just so he can see the baby once a month at his convenience. I'm a bit lost and emotional. Thanks again for your support.
Sloppy Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Wow. Congratulations...I guess? You should do what's best for you and the baby. Staying in unhealthy environment just so he can have a bigger piece of cake might not be good for you and your little one. Good luck to you both!
seachange Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Hi allabout. Congrats from me, too. It really sounds like moving back home is the best thing for you and the baby. I guess it's hard to advise about whether to tell the father without knowing his personality and how he'd likely react - did you guys ever talk about this possibility? You said you know he wouldn't be there for the kid anyway, so... So I don't know about telling him...wish I could be more help. But I do think that unless you think he would somehow prevent you from going home, you should go with your instincts. It sounds like you're just trying to do the right thing. And with that motive, you'll choose right. Best of luck to you, hon.
ClassLady Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Congrats, when is the due date? So what did the doctor have to say about you being on birth control and still having your period? I think you should tell him right away and get it over with. He deserves to know. After all it is the adult thing to do. There is a child involved and it took both of you. You can still make decsions on what you want to do with your life.
ClassLady Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Hey choices, I have been out of town for a few days. Wondered how you were doing. I thought about your situation. I went to visit my sister who just had her baby and shes not married. She is doing well and has a beautiful baby boy. Hope you are feeling well. Take care.
nextel Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Why the hell would one get pregnant with a married man? He is already married, and to top it off, he already has a child with his wife. Have "we" women in society today become that easy and value ourselves less? Yes I understand that mistakes happen, but geesh....a married man with a child already. Good luck is all I say to the OP.
erika2610 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Why the hell would one get pregnant with a married man? He is already married, and to top it off, he already has a child with his wife. Have "we" women in society today become that easy and value ourselves less? Yes I understand that mistakes happen, but geesh....a married man with a child already. Good luck is all I say to the OP. Wow that was helpful I believe she said she was on birth control. And Allaboutchoices.. I do think he deserves to know. But I also think you should move closer to your family... Congrats
Hot Coco Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Good luck Choices! Come here for support when you need it. It will sometimes be a tough road ahead. I wish you the best.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 It is possible to be pregnant and not know it.. I was pregnant and had what i thought was a period in December wasn't normal and then come January found out i was 7wks preggo and didn't know it because i had the flu and thought that is what it was.. So yes it possible to have a period and not know!!! The dr said it was the implantation that was the bleeding and not my period where the baby was attaching!! Do you think it will be wise to let him know and make things worst for you ? I think the father should know but he already has obligations and he chose her why torture yourself more ..When the time is right and the child is old enough then tell him and if he choose to find him then let him!! My opinion butu do what you want!!! Good luck;)
ClassLady Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 lilmoma1973, I totally disagree with you about not telling the father. Why does he not have the right to know? Since when is this one sided? Would you like it if someone came into your life years later out of the blue. Just my opinion.
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