Inside-out Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Hello everyone, My story goes as this: Today has been one month of separation and I feel and worry about every damn thing still. I have let some of it go and finally realized that forcing her to deal with our problems only made things worse. I am finally giving her the space she needs. She says she does not feel any love for me anymore and does not want to be with me. That hurts like hell, she says she wants to love me again, but then says it probably will not happen. We are waiting until January(both of us agreed on this) to see if things change and I am giving her the space she needed now. So is there any hope for our relationship? I really try now not to push her and do things that are agreeable to us both. So here: She wants space and time to think and she says also to "miss me". We have children together so that may never happen. Is she really just testing to see if she truly wants the life of a single parent? Is she wanting to get used to me not being there? Emotionally I think she has already divorced me and she says "I will consider all of our options and yes, I told you that I would wait until January and I will. I appreciate you realizing that you never gave me the space that I needed." There is no "other" person involved on either side. I made the mistake of talking to her parents and giving them too much information, she forgave me for that one and told me "strike one" then laughed. So is there hope in all of this or am I just teasing myself? Thanks for any comments, I do appreciate it.
Not_Over Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 Sorry to say but, I don't have the answer you're looking for. I've been seperated for a little over a month now. ( working on the sixth week.."Will she?","wont she?"... Seems to go on and on like this.) I too, just now realized how she does need her space to think things through. There's always hope. Right now, my wife say's things like" I don't love you like a husband anymore." Then when I asked her to seek marriage help, ( to my surprise ) she acually thought about it. And said "If I come back now, that would make me the worst mother ever." I say, stay low for while, And do not mention anything about the relationship From what I see, this topic gets her real angry. Are you seeing your kids? Keep us posted with new events.
trickynj99 Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Inside None of us can say... i always think there is hope, but you have to focus on what you are hoping for....what you hope is that she falls back in love, or gets realistic about what love/marraige really is!..the best way to do that in my mind is to be your best self, get happy about yourself(this is different than being happy about your situation)...and make sure she knows somehow that you still love her but will be ok ..pushing her will make her relive all the things that made her "fall out of love" whatever those things were... Inside/not over I have been posting and lurking on forums for months..... Your situations are 100% similar to mine except for one thing..because of kids we have not separated... the will she? wont she? is my whole life..right now we have agreed that we MIGHT separate AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.. let me tell you every single day , most moments of every day i think about walking out...She says she loves me as a friend, not as a lover/husband, she can't imagine life without being married to me, she wants to love me, but the reality is that she has checked out and she is a miserable unhappy trapped person...and so am i..and now we dont even talk about it, we're like 2 robots in the same house the will she? wont she? what is she thinking? is my whole life..i dont want to express my feelings, and push or i feel i will just start debating and arguing about the past.. you guys both made the move, i cant relate but only can say that at least you are doing something to stir the pot.. while i am stuck in my own house, my best times are when i am focused on improving myself, doing nice things for the kids, and even doing nice things for my wife...i have learned over the year and many on these boards would agree..that I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i might think i NEED to be in this marriage, but i cant control my partner...IF WE ARE NOT HAPPY, then i need to do something for myself..i'm hoping that my wife sees that and ON HER OWN makes the decision to re-connect reading your posts, it gives me pause because i am sadly comfortable in my daytoday existence. separation seems like a good answer but based on what you guys are posting, it only changes the situation and it doesnt help it... i wish you guys the best and would be happy to stay in touch on the board
Leilao1 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 I am almost sure there is a great deal of chance that you will be back together better then ever. Just don't demand and push for anything. I know it's hard. I also deeply believe that once you love somebody you love that person. You just don't stop loving even though you may reach a saturation point and think you did. This is not your fault. It's not fair to you but if you love her you will wait and hold on. Do things on your own, of course. Kids are way to precious and need a good and strong family. Once she tries her "space" she will be back because what is out there, really? Think about it. Is any other man going to love and raise your children the way you will? I am sure she deep down knows the answer no matter what she said. I was separated for 7 months, needed space and we are back together, married for 11 years. Well, it's not perfect but good as it gets.
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