Nov. and still NC ladies?

[foolinlove]

To all of those who were in the NC group in October or wish to start up now?

 

Are you still in NC?

How do you feel?

What have you done to keep your mind and heart busy?

Has your MM broke NC?

Have you broken NC?

Have you formed other relationships with other men?

How do you feel about yourself?

 

Was hoping to receive feedback from those who struggled so hard over a month ago with the ups and downs of NC.

[Sloppy]

Are you still in NC?

Yes, still in NC. After breaking it two times I finally made it

How do you feel?

I feel 100% better, I actually feel much better and stronger than before I met the MM. I am a different person - a lot happier one. Overall I am so glad it's over, but also glad it happened. It showed me many things I would have never seen before.

What have you done to keep your mind and heart busy?

My friends are my saviors. At the beginning I didn't spend a single night at home. I just couldn't. With time passing I actually enjoyed being home as it was a great time for my self. It was the good reflection that got me through it.

Has your MM broke NC?

I wouldn't know, I changed everything I possibly could have. He has NO WAY to find me.

 

Have you formed other relationships with other men?

I have been dating and going out with three men. Nothing has happened, I am taking things very slowly. I want to be alone and enjoy my self, I'm in no hurry. I am very satisfied with my single life and with being alone.

How do you feel about yourself?

I've been doing a lot of personal growing and learning. Like I said, this has been such a great learning experience!

 

I struggled so much to be able to accept I won't see the MM anymore, but with time and other things happening on his side, I just realized how he really is and now I'm just laughing at my naivity and willingness to trust.

 

I am still dealing with the betrayal, but it's not bad at all. I am very much my self and enjoying my life to the fullest. I have accepted, perhaps faster than most. So ladies, IT DOES GET BETTER.

[TiredOfWaiting]

Are you still in NC?

I have maintained it, but exMM keeps on breaking it.

 

How do you feel?

OK until he breaks NC, and it opens up the wounds

 

What have you done to keep your mind and heart busy?

Gone to gym, made sure i get enough sleep so I feel like I can cope, read alot.

 

Has your MM broke NC?

Yes, several times. Sometimes nice conversations, others abusive / unpleasant.

 

Have you broken NC?

Only in response to contact from exMM.

 

Have you formed other relationships with other men?

Have had a male friend for a year, that exMM has a problem with. We see a bit more of each other now.

 

How do you feel about yourself?

Stronger in some way, empowering to know that I won't die without him.

But alot of guilt about male friend as exMM uses this as a reason why we are not together, i.e. he does not feel that he can trust me as I "always have men at my beck and call".

[newbby]

i am still in nc.

feel really fine.

i read alot, and other healthy things. threw myself into work, and met somebody new.

mm runs away from me when i see him, he obviously hasnt realised i am over him! i really dont know what he thinks i will do anyway???

i feel really good, not completely but definetly getting there. taking new relationship slowly. thoroughly reccommend nc to every ow out there.

[Sunset]

I have been in NC since end of Sept.

He keeps trying to contact by email but I have ignored him.

I feel terrible and have been put on Prozac.

Don't feel like getting up in the morning have lost my spark for life.

Desperately trying to pull myself together.

[Sami_D]

"Are you still in NC?"

 

No, I'm not. I broke NC last Monday. He still tried to get me to stick to it. I said I couldn't, and didn't want to. That I realised I was doing it for the wrong reasons. He asked me if I wanted him to call, and I said yes. So he did. I flew up to see him the following day and came back last night. I'm going to be spending all next week with him, and all the future time that I can with him. Because I want to. It makes me happy.

 

"How do you feel?"

 

I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off me, and the tight screws that were clamping down on my heart have been loosened. I have stopped feeling sick, I have been eating for the first time in weeks. I am looking forward to the future again. I'm full of joy when we talk. I'm laughing again. I can't look back on those weeks without feeling horror at what happened and how much it hurt us both. I feel that doing NC for me, at that moment, for the 'reasons' I thought I had was the wrong thing and I hope I don't try anything else like that. If this R is going to end, it's going to end because it's not working, not because I want to change the course of it to suit myself. I went into NC with wrong ideas. I should have listened to my OWN doubts on that course of action, rather than blindly following advice. If I do NC again, it will be because I want OUT of the situation, not because I want to force an issue. I feel glad that I did NC, because I realised how much this R means to me.

[Sloppy]

I have been in NC since end of Sept.

He keeps trying to contact by email but I have ignored him.

I feel terrible and have been put on Prozac.

Don't feel like getting up in the morning have lost my spark for life.

Desperately trying to pull myself together.

Sunset, I am so sorry you feel so bad I really hope you start feeling better VERY soon.

Do you feel at least a bit better than a month ago?

*hugs to you*

[Sunset]

Thanks Sloppy, at the moment I don't feel better than a month ago.

 

Two weeks ago I felt better than a month ago but have gone down hill since he got in touch - I suppose having 'the ball in my court' that I could have it back if I clicked my fingers has made me feel worse for some strange reason.

 

I know I should be looking at the situation and feeling strong because he is chasing and to him - as I have kept up NC and he doesn't know my feelings or how down I am - it's like I am strong and don't want to know. But I don't feel strong.

 

Prozac is supposed to take a few weeks to kick in and side effects are normal so just putting it down to that at the moment. I guess I am addicted to the excitement and doing NC takes away the excitement in my life. I just need to find something else to fill the gap I guess.

[gevoraksix]

To all of those who were in the NC group in October or wish to start up now?.

 

Are you still in NC?.

Yes.

How do you feel?.

pretty Much in the middle i have my moments but not so often.

What have you done to keep your mind and heart busy?.

just these last 2 weeks ive been getting out more.

Has your MM broke NC?.

Yes quite stalkerish:rolleyes:

Have you broken NC?.

Nope:)

Have you formed other relationships with other men?.

Sort of im looking for a non-sexual relationship a SG to hang out with have 2 possibilities.

How do you feel about yourself?.

Some days i feel sexy as hell!confused,but i feel free,with him i was free but i didnt feel it i feel as if i have my whole life ahead ,but its hard to decide what i want to do with my freedom.

Ive been NC since 9/29/05

 

Was hoping to receive feedback from those who struggled so hard over a month ago with the ups and downs of NC.

And ive been on paxil since end of august its kind of helped me stay calm !

[Sami_D]

gevoraksix, it sounds like you did completely the right thing when you decided to go NC with him. I remember you posting here talking about doing it. And I'm so proud of you and pleased that you have stuck to it and you're feeling positive. WELL DONE YOU

[newbby]

Sunset, I'm sorry that you are still feeling bad. In many ways it is harder for you to move on as us single gals can seek another relationship, which is always going to be better than that with mm in the long run at least. You really need to try and get some excitement into your life in other ways than from another man. Have you looked into studying etc?

[foolinlove]

Hearing from you ladies is very inspirational for me, the down side and the upside of how you ladies are feeling is something I feel on a daily basis. I never have one steady set of emotions when dealing with MM. Sometimes I feeling fighting mad, then desperately depressed and sad.

Even tho he has moved out of home with W, I still have this panic of uncertaintly. This emotion causes me to be short with people i love, angry at him. I am in speaking contact with MM but have realized it does not do me any good. I find that I am down on him if he has to go to W home for anything and constantly questioning his intentions.

 

I felt much better when in NC, I felt strong, liberated, hopeful of my future. He gets very insecure in NC, stating that it "is damaging our relationship" and he needs me right now. Well where is the man that I need? The man that would do ANYTHING it takes to be with me. A year ago, I would have been more excited at the prospect of him moving out, now....i'm waiting for him to go back? This is not healthy for me either. I want to be there for him, but I also need to be there for myself. I'm so frustrated and anxious all the time. I tried going to the doc to get meds, however....she would not give them to me?

 

What I would love to do.......break all contact with MM. When he is free...we meet like two people with no hangups, no issues...just two people falling in love. Why can't he see that i need that? Why can't he think of me?

[joodee]

-Are you still in NC?

No, still in contact, only texts and e-mails and when he's at work when I am at work

 

-How do you feel?

Not too bad, I take it day by day. I thought I would feel worse, but it's like every day I feel better. I started therapy again today, we are going to work on getting over the last "hump" in getting over the MM. Just re-telling the whole story to her made me realize how bad it is for me to keep responding to him, cause he's just playing games, cause he's a player and a liar. And I can't figure out why he wants to keep contacting me, he has the W and other girlfriends.

 

-What have you done to keep your mind and heart busy?

I concentrate on my homework, see friends, schedule my day rigidly, and I keep writing out new goals and try to visualize me with an available man, me getting married and having kids. Also praying alot more and reading positive books.

 

-Has your MM broke NC?

All the time.

 

-Have you broken NC?

No, he intiates all the contact. I just have to stop responding.

 

-Have you formed other relationships with other men?

No, haven't met anyone new.

 

How do you feel about yourself?

Better than I thought I would. His actions keep confirming that he doesn't care and is emotionally abusive. Don't understand why he feels the need to keep contact.

[newbby]

just do nc, foolinlove, and carry on or begin all other ow. i have never felt better and i am in love with a wonderful sg!! you forget what its like to be in a good relationship and to be treated good, when you hang around a mm for too long. i am being treated like a queen right now and its just great!!!

[Sunset]

Sorry ladies I confess to having broke NC yesterday to reply to one of his emails asking why I hadn't replied to any emails.

 

Just said I had not been on line for a while but that I hoped he was ok.

[newbby]

Just be careful Sunset, because you have not yet got to a place where you are over your depression etc it would be all too easy to fall back into the situation. I read somewhere somebody said to allow 6 months grieving period after the a ends, it has been little more than a month. I dont want to pry too much but how do you feel about your husband, I think the a was a solution for yourself rather than for your marriage and maybe the state of your marriage is irrelevant, I dont know. It is good that you are trying to help yourself outside of your marriage too, as I read in another of your posts. Just dont expect to be over the a so quickly. It is always different for everybody.

[sooooohurt]

2 weeks, I did send an e-mail on monday business related and he made some crappy comment about the last time we had sex!!! I felt so sick!!! so Ive done something I have never done before and blocked his e-mails totally cant even see if hes tried to send me a message, my phone has been off for 2 weeks (havent paid the bill) but im seeing this as a blessing in disguise and I know what time he would turn up at my house if he was to come so I make sure I get there after that, therefore forcing myself to socialise!!!! Doing all this really is a huge step for me, I feel more relaxed, I have also started taking St johns Wart so I think this is helping as well

[foolinlove]

Sooohurt,

its the little steps that you are taking NOW, that will pay off for you in the long run. I think you are doing GREAT, by making those small attempts to keep him and his emotional termoil out of your life. You sound like you are being really strong and I wanted to tell you GOOD JOB! I find it the most hard for me when I KNOW when he would call me, to sit and wait for it. Right now we are in speaking contact, which...in alot of ways...is more tough than being in NC. Its only when i pull away does he take a step towards me, moving out means nothing to me right now cause I fear he will go back. I'm getting myself ready for NC once again, because i just feel better about my emotions during NC.

 

To those of you reading this....that are thinking about getting involved with a MM or have recently. PLEASE save yourself the heartache, it is never a good situation, and feelings ALWAYS get involved on the womans side. I hope mine is that of a happy ending for myself....but rarely they are.

 

Keep posting ladies...you keep me going!

[joodee]

It is the little steps that matter. I answered to a text from my ex-MM, and it was pleasant and all, and then he asked if I had a good evening (this was earlier in the week). I said yes. He then texted did I "get lucky"? I said that was weird and I didn't like that considering everything. He said ok. Next day he texts me to get lucky. He then called my cell, I answered, he said he just wanted to "check in" and see how I was doing. I said fine, and I again told him I don't appreciate him texting me to "get lucky". He said he was just teasing, I told him I really don't like that, I'm still sensitive, still have feelings, and he said he did too, he understood. Then I had to get back to work, he said ok, take care, I said bye.

 

The next morning, he texts "get lucky". I didn't respond, and I haven't responded to other texts and cell phone messages he left. I feel I have nothing left to say, cause he's doing something I asked him not to do. It's like he's telling me to get laid or something, and considering everything, to me that's just wrong.

 

This turned out longer that I thought it would. I want to keep up NC this month. Any feedback, please?

[sooooohurt]

Thanks FIL I think it is getting harder every day, but the complete despair I felt is going and im not checking my e-mail manically every 2 minutes!!! Its likely he doesn’t even realise!!!! lately he can go weeks without contacting me, and then when HE wants to HE will do everything he can to get my attention at least this way ill never know if he has tried therefore less willpower needed from me!!!!!!

This may be premature but I think I can honestly say for the first time in 3 years I can see a future that doesn’t include him, even though I feel sick to my stomach to say it.

You are describing everything I feel, If I knew he was going to call, I would wait for it, If I knew there was a chance he would pop by, I would rush home from work, shower, full makeup, the amount of times I sat there when he didn’t come dresses up to the nines mascara running down my face while finishing the dregs of a bottle of wine….. pitiful.

Like joodee last time I spoke to my MM he made some lewd comment about sex, it just seems to demean everything you feel in your heart because you thought it was so much more and when it comes down to it all they can do is talk about bloody sex. It feel horrible.

 

Can anyone tell me what MM think/feel during this time??

 

Everybody is doing so well but please listen to FIL’s advice, Ive wasted 3 yrs of my life, I don’t regret it because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but let me tell you it did nearly kill me, and NC is making me feel in control and maybe im getting a little of my pride back after some very embarrassing scenes

[newbby]

joodee, sooohurt,

it is because they are players, thats all you need to know. joodee your mm has a history of playing extreme and ridiculous games with you. you cant really analyse anything he is saying and make any sense of it. sounds as though he thinks he is funny. or that he is texting you things you have stated hurt your feelings, so it is an attempt to keep some sort of feelings alive in you. they feed off the feelings others have for them as it makes them feel good. they feel bad about themselves as men and they need you to make them feel both sexually attractive and adored. they play every game they can in an attempt to recieve positive feedback about themselves. they are to be pitied if anything and not looked up to as we tend to do. some of them need more than one ow, others can be satisfied enough with just the one. when the inevitable happens and the ow wants more from them, they begin to feel useless again. they either turn it onto the ow or go and look for another. when the ow withdraws they become desperate for her adoration again, the games get more extreme, the sexual comments get more crude and less charming. you cannot take any behaviour personally, it is about the mm and always has been. the only thing that we can do at this point is to address in ourselves why we hung around for the emotional abuse. it is completely their responsibility to work out their side of it and you can neither force them or expect them to do this whilst they are with you, they wont. just as it is difficult for us to work on why we are there putting up with it when we are actually there. nc distinguishes the wheat from the chaff, those who are genuine will not behave this way when nc is set in process.

although it was probably obvious to me which sort my mm was, whilst i was in contact the addiction still had a hold of me. i am now able to see without the fog of emotion, or rather, addiction. i cannot reccommend total nc strongly enough. joodee you must stop ALL contact. i kidded myself for a long time that just being friends or chatting was enough. it isnt or you would not still be asking these questions, you would be clear on the answers and you wouldnt care about them. there is some sort of fear that is keeping you from letting go completely, identify it and address it. it is not good to live with stressors that can be avoided, mm is one stressor that can and should be avoided. think about your life objectively, think of yourself as a game piece, what is making you stronger and what is weakening you?

(hugs)

[joodee]

You are so right, Newwby. He does have a history of ridiculous games, and it extreme. I'm glad you used those words, cause it's true!!! I haven't responded to any calls or texts or e-mails since I wrote here the other day, I don't know, I feel I got a lightning bolt of clarity. I certainly don't need those underhanded comments from him. That has become the major turn-off for me.

 

I look bad and now I see how horrible things really were, how much he hid, and continues to hide. That's all everything was, a really bad game. How sick and sad at the same time.

 

Like I said, this seems like a lightning bolt, but I feel like I got my life back. And you are right, I have to identify the fear that kept me from completely doing NC before. My first thought on that is that no man will find me attractive or pretty, since for most of my life I hardly ever got asked out. But my friends say I'm very pretty, and that guys are intimidated by me(????) The mm used to tell me that all the time, but who know what he really thought. Hugs to you all.

[TiredOfWaiting]

Have to agree strongly with Newbby!

 

Breaking NC just breaks down all the hard work you have done.

 

My exMM keeps on breaking NC.

I think it bothers him that I can do the NC with ease at the moment.

 

When he breaks NC, at first, just like Joodee's situation, he is nice, even talks about us, and how he misses me etc.

Then when he doesn't get the answers he wants, or wants to know who I am spending my time with and I won't discuss it (because quite frankly it is none of his business), he gets nasty and calls me names (slag, whore, slut etc).

 

It doesn't matter that I am not having a sexual relationship with anyone, he has made up his mind that I must be, and he needs to break me down to nothing to come to terms with the fact that we are not together even though he is now D.

 

I have a tremendous amount of guilt that I am not with him now that he is D, but he is the one that ended it! I know it sounds very dysfunctional and confused.

He ended it, but I must just be there perpetually when the loneliness and reality of his life sets in.

 

It is a roller-coaster ride, vicious cycle that I have been on for almost 4 years, just like many of the other people on this forum.

They are masters at playing the game, and manipulating your feelings.

 

And you have to make it stop, so you can see the wood for the trees and be YOU again!

[newbby]

joodee, tired of waiting.

it doesnt take long to gain clarity once you have begun TOTAL nc.

joodee sounds like you are doing great. the hardest thing for me was looking at why i was afraid to let go. once you have addressed these things though, you can enter the next relationships being much more self aware.

tired of waiting, you need to block all his calls and messages, allow him to sort himself out away from you. sort your head out away from him too.