spike7165 Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Hi All, I am sure this has been discussed many times but I would really appreciate male and female opinions! I have been in an LDR since March, met, were together 4 weeks, seen each other twice since, been apart now 4 weeks. Problem is that in the 4 weeks apart she has had to start working pretty much 24/7, I have tried to be understanding but not talking that much is getting to me. I should say as well her job is let's say, quite social with men. Now I know she loves me, wants to marry me and is waiting for me, but I guess my paranoia is talking when she doesn't answer the phone, reply to emails etc. It is just such a change from when she was not working 24/7 we talked a lot and I am finding it difficult to have this transition when we may only get a couple of minutes or I can't get hold of her. I know she is tired because she sometimes falls asleep on the phone and her life must be so hectic! In summary, I have had a bad couple of days, went into parnaoia overdrive got very upset and found out her phone was knackered and I am sure today it is just business and tiredness. I also know I am being too clingy, too many emails and calls, but I just want to talk to her. I have given her my heart after holding back for 6 months, after being dumped by my wife a year ago and I am scared. I am thinking I should really try and call less, let her come to me. I always said I would never play games but is it a game, am I putting her under pressure when I know she is busy? Guess thats the main thing I need help with, she has always said she loves my emails and wanting her, but maybe it is too much now when she is so busy? Anyway any help appreciated as it is affecting my thoughts and work! Thanks All Spike
SMHappyface Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Spike - what a cute name. I know, off topic. You sound like your problem is your insecurity. My man I and I were LD for years. LD relationships are very difficult, but trust is a must. No woman likes a clingy man who is a drag on their lives. Trust her, enjoy her company, and if you feel the need to whine, cry and complain, I suggest getting a journal and writing your feelings in there. Trust your lady unless she gives you a reason not too, and look forward to when you will get together.
d.s. Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 There are two possible scenarios here: 1) She is too busy because she now realizes she doesn't want to be with you. She is keeping herself as busy as possible knowing that if she talks to you really late she will eventually fall asleep on the phone. 2)She is really busy. You are insecure because you think (1) is occuring. In both situations, you are being extremely clingy and you are pushing her away. If she is cheating on you or doesn't want to be with you- then giving her space is the best possible thing. You are doing yourself a favour by losing someone you don't really need in your life. If she is really busy, maybe you should give her a little room to breathe. I am not saying to stop calling her totally - let her know you are alive and care for her! If you notice that she is busy, let her go... tell her to get some rest etc... Good Luck! HTH d.s.
hbeezee Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Hey, I'm kinda going through the same thing I guess.... My girl and I have only been able to see each other for a few days every 4 weeks. During the other times, she is busy, and going out with friends... and I find myself worrying about her. She works alot, is on the phone all day, and when she gets done, she likes to go out with friends... most of which are guys. I find myself trying to keep in touch with her so much that I am driving her to not want to talk to me on the phone. She tells me how she hates being in love with her phone. I too am recently divorced, and have finally given my heart to this woman. She loves me back and we talk about the future of being together all the time, but my constant persistence in trying to be involved in whatever she is doing is driving her away from me. Today for example, she doesnt even want to talk to me... hopefully that changes. I have noticed this though... when I tell her in a kind, loving voice "baby, I'll be here if you need me, go have a good time, or get some rest and get ahold of me if you want"... and then leave her alone... she doesnt go more than a few hours before making an effort to contact me. Try it one day... might work... It will be hard as hell, you will be constantly reaching for your phone to call her or check on her and see if she called. You may even feel panicky, or anxious. (feelings I still havent gotten over) Just keep yourself busy for a few hours and see what happens. Good luck. Now if I can just get over my jealousy issue of my girl going out with other guys... even friends! Thats a whole 'nother story!
lilmoma1973 Posted November 6, 2005 Posted November 6, 2005 I think LDR never work because you never get to see them like you want and you are always wondering what they are doing and where they are!!! Good Luck
Judas Christian Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 LDRs do work with the right commitment and the right intentions from the onset. My wife and I are an international couple - we're together and married now, but we spent the grand majority of our relationship separated by oceans and miles. It was very hard, but we did it. Trust is optimal and, just as important, communication. If either of those start to fizzle out, you're in dire straites.
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