confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 so how does one mention, start, or initiate a FWB relationship with someone?? Always been interested in knowing how
Mary3 Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 FWB's are generated usually from a relationship where one of the persons loses feelings for the other and it is decided they will continue sexually because the dumpee does not want to let go of the dumper. Another scenario is that 2 ppl meet and they are highly sexually attracted to one another. One ( usually the male ) does not want a relationship but wants great sex. The girl agrees because of her sexual needs but she may inadvertantly develop feelings because we women equate love making ( sex ) with a sign of affection which leads to feeling something. Hard not to feel something for someone who is touching intimate parts of your body moaning with pleasure....well that ...and you really like that person
NTB Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 i go with being honest just tell the female/male the deal and see if they say yes
slubberdegullion Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Life rewards action. So be direct and honest. Sure, you'll get shot down in flames 98% of the time, but so what? Go for it.
Yamaha Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Some people just don't want to get into a relationship but they still have sexual needs so they look for someone who feels the same as them. If you both have great sex together but don't want a serious commitment then FWB is an alternative. Communication is the way to find out if they feel the same.
morrigan Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Be upfront now about what you want from the other person, rather than having sex with them first and then coming clean (there's a pun.) Mary3 is right on about how some people just go into these situations, without it really being discussed first. Make it clear you enjoy their companionship, but there are no strings attached on either of your sides. You are both free to end it whenever you feel like it, there is no certainty of any actual committed relationship evolving out of it, unless it's something you both openly agree on.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I'm sorry, I don't think you can be honest in this situation "So, Uh, wanna have sex with no emotional attachment whatsoever?" Of course she's going to say no. You need a strategic approach. Initiate sex, do it and continue to see other people. If she ask's you why are you still seeing other people whilst still f***in her, than she's getting attached and wants a relationship. But state that you never said that you wanted a relationship. Sex doesnt mean attached or in a realtionship. If she doesn't asks and you continue to f*** her.....there ya go...FWB
loony Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Initiate sex, do it and continue to see other people. If she ask's you why are you still seeing other people whilst still f***in her, than she's getting attached and wants a relationship. But state that you never said that you wanted a relationship. Sex doesnt mean attached or in a realtionship. If she doesn't asks and you continue to f*** her.....there ya go...FWB Now, that's really low.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Now, that's really low. Low, but is done 99% of the time. And TELLING her you only want her for sex is muuuuuch better.
SmoochieFace Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Low, but is done 99% of the time. And TELLING her you only want her for sex is muuuuuch better. Whether it's .9% or 99.9% it's still a s***ty thing to do. It reeks of cheapness.
loony Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Low, but is done 99% of the time. And TELLING her you only want her for sex is muuuuuch better. Oh, you mean, letting her find out on her own that he is using her for sex is better than informing her in advance about his intentions?
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Yup, at least he gets laid in the mean time. Why is it that girl automatically thinks their in a relationship once they've slept with a man. She'll figure it out that their not a couple once she knows he's sleeping with other people. And either end it herself or continue.......FWB. And he didn't even have to tell her that's what he was doing. If she dosnt like it she won't sleep with him anymore.
SmoochieFace Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Yup, at least he gets laid in the mean time. So THAT'S what's important, right?
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 And what would you call important. He's already using her for sex.
SmoochieFace Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 And what would you call important. He's already using her for sex. Think you missed the sarcasm there but oh well...
loony Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Yup, at least he gets laid in the mean time. Why is it that girl automatically thinks their in a relationship once they've slept with a man. She'll figure it out that their not a couple once she knows he's sleeping with other people. And either end it herself or continue.......FWB. And he didn't even have to tell her that's what he was doing. If she dosnt like it she won't sleep with him anymore. You know, hon, using someone to satisfy one's own selfish needs is low moral. She might be naive not to have an exclusivity talk with him before, but that does not justify it to exploit her naivety. For some people, sex still means something.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Your right, but what entails a FWB relationship? They basically use eachother for unattached sex. Your saying that anyone with a FWB relationship....Wait, I see where your coming from....scratch everything I said. Your right. Unless its an established FWB relationship, its wrong. I'm sorry I retract all my other posts. But the OP does have a great question, I guess you can't plan it, if it falls into a FWB than congrats. I don't think theres anyway to arange it. Unless your Jerry and Elaine.
loony Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I'd ask someone for a date and make it clear from the beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious, that it was just about having fun. I'd also ask her if she was interested in something serious. If she says yes, then you can forget it. If she says no, you can assume that she's heading for the same as you.
scratch Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I'd ask someone for a date and make it clear from the beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious, that it was just about having fun. I'd also ask her if she was interested in something serious. If she says yes, then you can forget it. If she says no, you can assume that she's heading for the same as you. Do you think it's low for a woman to refrain from telling a man on the first date that she is, indeed, looking for a serious relationship? May I presume that you make certain to raise that topic on all of your first dates? May I further presume that you only go on first dates with men with whom you want a serious relationship? Moreover, why do you assume that women want something serious while men just want to get laid? That's not very liberated of you, now, is it? Watch out, Loony, I think I hear the pounding of Birkenstocks as they march over to take away your feminist beret!
loony Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Do you think it's low for a woman to refrain from telling a man on the first date that she is, indeed, looking for a serious relationship? May I presume that you make certain to raise that topic on all of your first dates? May I further presume that you only go on first dates with men with whom you want a serious relationship? I seldom go out on dates, because I'm usually not interested in the people who ask me out. I also prefer to get to know people outside the dating context. I see no problem however if someone on the first date told me what he was up to and asked me about my intentions. The OP has clearly stated that he was only interested in a FBW relationship, not a serious relationship. So, why should he waste his and someone else's time? Moreover, why do you assume that women want something serious while men just want to get laid? I didn't assume anything, I was replying to the OP's post that you obviously have not read very thoroughly. Honestly, you're confusing me here. Could you explain in detail what exactly you are criticizing about my post? That's not very liberated of you, now, is it? Watch out, Loony, I think I hear the pounding of Birkenstocks as they march over to take away your feminist beret! You hate losing arguments, eh?
scratch Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I see no problem however if someone on the first date told me what he was up to and asked me about my intentions. That wasn't the question. If you were interested in having a relationship with a man, would you risk telling him right away that you wanted to become serious with him? Actually, don't answer that based on what you would do. Answer that based on what you have done - have you told a man that upon deciding you felt that way, or did you "play it cool," at least for a little while? The OP has clearly stated that he was only interested in a FBW relationship, not a serious relationship. So, why should he waste his and someone else's time? I didn't assume anything, I was replying to the OP's post that you obviously have not read very thoroughly. The OP was one sentence. It asked how FWB relationships begin. That he or she "clearly stated that he was only interested in such a relationship" is stretching the facts quite a bit. I infer your chauvanism from your consistent placement of masculine and feminine pronouns. Honestly, you're confusing me here. Could you explain in detail what exactly you are criticizing about my post? I am criticizing your assumption that women want serious relationships and men want casual relationships. I defy you to find a man on this site who is single and wouldn't be happy to find "the one." I am additionally criticizing your response to IHNFC where you insist that the man should be upfront in his desire to only have a causal relationship. Thus, I introduced the converse of the situation to show how it's unrealistic and unproductive to be too upfront. Again, could you link me to a post you (or anybody you respect here) made advising a woman to tell a man very early on in the relationship that she is all about a serious relationship. These things resemble an elaborate dance, and while I feel strongly that one shouldn't lie about one's intentions, some reticence usually adds to the experience.
SmoochieFace Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 What does FWB MEAN? Friends With Benefits with "benefits" meaning "f***ing."
loony Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 That wasn't the question. If you were interested in having a relationship with a man, would you risk telling him right away that you wanted to become serious with him? Actually, don't answer that based on what you would do. Answer that based on what you have done - have you told a man that upon deciding you felt that way, or did you "play it cool," at least for a little while? I would not tell him that I'm interested in a serious relationship with him, but I would let him know that I want more than just fun and that's what I had done in the past. I had gone out with someone because I started liking him after getting to know him. During the date I realized that he was probably just out for fun, I asked him and he said yes. So, we decided to cancel the date. (I remember I started crying in the taxi and I think he felt somewhat guilty when I asked him why he did this and he said, "Lust". Since then I learned my lesson.) The OP was one sentence. It asked how FWB relationships begin. That he or she "clearly stated that he was only interested in such a relationship" is stretching the facts quite a bit. I infer your chauvanism from your consistent placement of masculine and feminine pronouns. I looked my posts up and the reason why I assumed that the OP was a guy, because INHFC was using this constellation. My answer followed on her assumption that the OP was a guy. And I did not say that he/she/it was only interested in FBW relationships. I am criticizing your assumption that women want serious relationships and men want casual relationships. I defy you to find a man on this site who is single and wouldn't be happy to find "the one." I never said this. I am additionally criticizing your response to IHNFC where you insist that the man should be upfront in his desire to only have a causal relationship. Thus, I introduced the converse of the situation to show how it's unrealistic and unproductive to be too upfront. Again, could you link me to a post you (or anybody you respect here) made advising a woman to tell a man very early on in the relationship that she is all about a serious relationship. My assumption is that people who go out on dates are interested in serious relationship and that FWB relationships are more or less an exception, more a transition thing. If your intentions differ from the usual expectations concerning the purpose of dating I would expect you to tell me what you want. These things resemble an elaborate dance, and while I feel strongly that one shouldn't lie about one's intentions, some reticence usually adds to the experience. Whatever, I'd like to be informed upfront what your intentions are before I start investing emotions in you. If you know you only want a FWB relationship you should say it. What's so difficult about this?
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