dancinman5000 Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Hello readers, I am 19 and currently in a relationship that is now at about 4 and a half months. I constantly seem to be struggling with a few different things and was wondering what others might think of them. This is my first real relationship and the first person I have done anything sexual at all with. She was my first real kiss. Years prior to now I never really dated or anything like that for a variety of reasons. The dates I did go on (maybe 2 or 3) weren't memorable at all and didn't amount to anything. My girl friend dated a lot and had a couple relationships. The two past big ones were 2 months and 10 months. She was 17 when she first did anything past kissing. We have gone as far as oral and both are saving intercourse for marriage. The first time she did stuff past kissing with a guy they did hand stuff. This was with a guy during a summer relationship at a camp type thing. She may have done stuff with her boy friend of 2 months. With her boy friend of 10 months they did hand stuff and then oral after 6 months because she said "she thought" she was in love with him. The last 3 months (which she says don't really count) of that relationship was during college, so there was the whole distance thing for most of that time. Right before that break up she got the drunkest she ever had at a party and kissed a guy. Then after the break up there were two other times when she was drunk that she made out with guys that she was friends with. Then before coming home for a school break she and her boy friend said they were going to try things out again. Right before coming home she got really drunk and went down on a firend that she had liked. She didnt get back with her old boy friend during the break. Then she and the other guy both got drunk again and made out and did a repeat of the weekend before the school break. Then after 2 weeks (of just makeing out a couple times) they ended it because he wanted sex and she wouldn't do that. Then I came around. We got into things really fast and basically did oral from the time we became "official." I slowly found out about her past during the months to follow and didn't find out about that last drunk fling she had until after we both had been using "i love you" for at least a couple weeks. That was about a month and a half into the relationship, we would see each other almost 4-5 times a week. Everything though that I know know was really clear until about 2 and a half months in to the relationship, after she told me she was in love with me. It has been a lot to take in. I have felt a lot of jealous to the fact that the most sexual thing we can do together is something she did while she was drunk with a guy she never was in a real relationship with. Also, the idea that she had a relationship for 10 months and everything always seemed intimidating. Just the idea that I feel like I'm in love with this person who has loved, and thought to be in love before makes me feel a little insignificant. Also, the idea that she was my first real kiss and first person to do anything with makes me feel not so special in comparison to her past. I just don't know where to go with all of this. She is so in love with me and I'm in love with her, but I haven't been able to move past any of this stuff. There are many other levels to these problems, but this is what it all spawns from.
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