Moai Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I recently had a huge fight with my "un-girlfriend girlfriend," and I feel like a jackass. This chick and I have been "friends" for about a year or so, and she isn't that great of a friend, actually. She takes all of the things that a girl would if you were dating her, yet I get nothing that a man gets back--namely sex. So, I pulled back and began focusing on others, which is great but kept in contact with her because I want to sleep with her so bad. Then she flipped out. She is unbalanced anyway. She screamed at me, I screamed back, said some unkind (but true) things to her, and whatever else. I have known that she was crazy since I met her, and the little man inside me said "Run!" and I ignored him. Shame on me. The thing is, if I look back on it all, I should be so happy that she isn't caling me all the time anymore, but I'm not. I'm not really bummed, either, it's just that I can't get wanting to sleep with her out of my head. When I fantasize it always comes back to her in some way. I can't seem to shake it. There are times when she would call and I wouldn't answer because I didn't want to deal with her madness right then--and it would have been just a normal conversation (for her) at that point. SHe is like a broken record about her problems, and whether or not I'm dating, the fact that we aren't dating, we'll never date, maybe someday we'll date....sheesh. And what precipitated the fight was her jealousy over another friend of mine--who happens to be a very attractive young woman. I wrote all that in another thread. I am just driving myself crazy over sex with this woman. We have made out a couple times in the past, but that's it. I know time will take care of it, but I hate that within myself there is this thing that ignores mistreatment and distance just for this illusion of sex that will never happen. A relationship with her would suck, but here I am hating not speaking to her. Some of it is the need for closure, I'm sure, but I generally don't need closure at all. I've been trying to move on for about six months now (even before the fight) but I can't seem to. I've never had this with a woman before. I just wish I could turn it all off. Sucks.
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