toughspot Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 After going to my friend's and her fiancee's (i'll refer to as FF, friend's fiancee) halloween party I realized that FF has no intentions of putting an end to pursing me. After a phone call a month ago, I thought that FF was going to stop coming after me, that he had decided to concentrate on their relationship and realized it was a big mistake. I was wrong, less than an hour into the party, he grabbed my ass up my skirt as I was walking up the stairs. Even worse, a little while after that he pulled me aside, to show me "their newly redone den" and he said, "I still want to f*ck you< it's up to you". Though I was tempted to flirt with him earlier,when we were just throwing each other a few glances, I now know for sure that that this could not happen. It's so messed up that I let it happen in the first place!! So, I told him no, it was bad karma and walked out of the room. Later I saw him rub her back and stand right next to her to take a picture, and it dawned on me on a higher level how messed up the whole situation really was. I mean i really felt how messed up it was, how could one minute he ask me to F*ck him and then go back to her like nothing. Before I wasn't connecting with that reality. So now the whole thing is eating away at me and I think it's because I should tell her. Do you guys think that is what should happen? I was thinking that if he would just break up with her and do the right thing (cause clearly a marriage would be a joke) I could spare her the heartbreak of knowing what happened. But i don't have faith that he will do the right thing, so I am thinking she needs to know the truth, and i am going to have to tell her.
Moai Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 You have to tell her. The guy is a douchebag, and while your friend will be upset now, it will be NOTHING compared to what she'll go through once they have been married for a while.
Author toughspot Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 I live in another state, driving distance though. Should I call, write a letter, an anoynomous letter?, go see her in person? I jsut dont know how to handle this, i guess though, anyway its gonna just be a BAD SCENE.
JadeStar Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I can't even believe you were tempted to flirt with him. Anyway, it has to be your call to tell her or not. I had said in the other post you made that reguardless of wheather you tell her or not, she will eventually find out at some point. However if you really feel you should tell her, maybe do it anynmously. If I remember right you were the one involved with him at one point anyway. Be prepared that its possible she may not like what you have to say. Chances are she may not even believe you and accuse you of causing or trying to cause problems. Imagine what it would be like if she found out that you were at one point apart of it. it has to be your call. Jade
Author toughspot Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Of course, I would tell her the whole story. I would admit my part in it. And yes, I am prepared for her to be totally devastated. I think now though, it would be more tragic if she went on to marry this guy.
JadeStar Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 When do you plan on telling her? When are they supossed to get married anyway? Dang I wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall when you do tell her. Jade
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 No matter how it's handled it will be messy. And he'll put alot of the blame on you, so be prepared for a fallout. More than likely when she finds out the friendship will be over. I'm sorry to say that ... He's a pig and will probably continue to act like a pig in his life, with or without her. You know now not ever to put yourself in a situation like that again, tough lesson to learn and alot of consquences... Just be honest. Don't sugar coat it either, I don't mean this as harsh as it might read, but you are to blame as well - So tell her that. She may not ever forgive you, but she will respect you for coming clean even though the truth hurts.
seachange Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 were you guys good friends before he entered the picture? because if so, you have a chance of salvaging the friendship. it'll be messy no matter what, just like wwiu says. and i agree he'll blame you. but i would also want to know. so i think telling her and planting that seed of doubt is the greater good.
Author toughspot Posted November 2, 2005 Author Posted November 2, 2005 Thanks for all your replys... they have been helpful. I really feel awful about this whole situation and can't even imagine what it's going to be like to tell her. I haven't figured out the logistics yet, like, when and where and all that, we live in two different states.
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