xxbaddgurl83xx Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Here is my story... its pretty long. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. During the time that we were together he served a 6 month jail sentence. While he was in jail I cheated on him and I never told him. Once he got out of jail I stopped cheating but back in June I had a one night stand with a guy that my so-called friend liked. She decided to get even and tell my boyfriend everything, including the times that I cheated on him while he was locked up. My man was very hurt but he decided that he wanted to try to work things out with me. We were suppose to get married next year. We have been trying to make our relationship work but its been hard because he constantly brings up the past and he has no trust in me whatsoever. I can't do anything without him knowing where I am going, who is going to be there, and what I am going to be doing. Every time we get into a argument he always has to throw the fact that I cheated on him in my face. We have constantly been breaking up and getting back together which is starting to get really old. Three weeks ago we had a little argument which turned into a huge argument about my cheating, and thats not even what the original argument was about! We decided to call it quits because there is just to much conflict between us lately. Since we have been broken up I have been going out with my friends and doing everything that he never allowed before. I am having a blast being single but at the same time I am obsessed with him! I think about him all the time and I miss him like crazy. We have decided that we are going to try to be friends which is not making things any easier on me! We talk on the phone every day and email each other all day at work. We hung out last weekend and had sex but we decided that it will not change a thing and we are still not going to be a couple. I miss him like crazy but I am enjoying having my freedom back. I wish we could be together and I wish that he could allow me to be a normal 21 year old instead of feeling like I can't leave the house without his permission. He was never like this until he found out I cheated. Do you think there is a way that he could get past this and we could get back together? I want us to have a normal relationship without all of the constant reminders of my past mistakes.
Hot Coco Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 As long as he keeps reminding you of your past mistakes, then no. It will never be good. Besides, in my opinion you do not sound like you're ready for marriage. Go out and have fun (but be CAREFUL! ONS's...not a good idea). I wouldn't be friends with him. Either get back together with the condition that he stops bringing it up or make a clean break. You can't be friends with him. It will backfire. Just curious...what was he in jail for? If you don't feel comfortable telling, it's ok.
Author xxbaddgurl83xx Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Its okay to ask. He was in jail for a DWI. He was on probation for the same thing and when he got arrested for the latest DWI he was sentenced to 1 year and only served 6 months. When he went to jail he told me that he didn't care if I saw other people while he was locked up, he just wanted me to be honest and tell him. I didn't think that I would be hooking up while he was in jail but when it did happen I didn't want to tell him because I thought that he wouldn't want to be with me anymore. He told me that he is not angry that I cheated while he was in jail, he is angry that I lied about it. It just sucks because I do want to be with him but at the same time I want to be able to go out and live the life of a normal 21 year old. I want to marry him but I don't want to feel like I missed out. I don't want any regrets in my life. I know so many people who have gotten married and missed out on fun times and hanging with friends because of it.
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I want to marry him but I don't want to feel like I missed out. I don't want any regrets in my life. I know so many people who have gotten married and missed out on fun times and hanging with friends because of it. Then don't get married.
Moai Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I agree, don't get married. Unless you like boundless drama, resentment, and regret.
Hot Coco Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Yeah, DON'T. Hang out with him if he doesn't bug you. Apologize to him for lying and if he can't get past it, get rid of him. If I had gotten married in my 20's I would have definitely regretted it. Not only did my taste change as far as what I was looking for in a man, but I would have really felt like I missed out. That's when you are vulnerable to an affair. And by dating different types of guys you have a better chance of finding out what you do and don't want in a guy, thereby insuring a better sucess rate when you DO finally get married. That's my theory anyway. Worked for me.
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