asally Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I don't think serious or not has much to do with the length of time.. what I usually do is to take signs to whether he talks about his family, or talks about tell his family about me.. but 3 months is the point, if I don't get the sign of it is serious, I'll have a talk with him and ask whether it is exclusive and serious. Good luck girl!!
Lishy Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 I dont think there is a time limit!!! Everyone is individual and timing will differ from person to person. Although I dont think things can be classed as serious until sex is involved. Sex is the heart of a relationship, Without sex you are just friends who kiss!!!!
katiebour Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 About how long are you in a relationship, before you consider it serious? How soon do you: Meet parents Sleep in the same place Live together Plan a wedding Involve the new person in your children's lives ( if this applies) Combine finances Is every situation different, or do you have a set of "rules" for yourself for each of these things? As soon as my SO and I slept together, we both agreed that we were serious and mutually exclusive. This has not been the case with all of my partners- however my current SO and I are two peas in a pod; we both prefer to be in a committed relationship. For us, becoming intimate automatically came with the exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend status. I think it took us about a week from the time we met in person to decide that that's what we both wanted from the other. We had known each other for about 2 weeks, I think. We've been dating for 3 and a half months now, and still going wonderfully. Meet 'rents- he met mine for dinner on my dad's birthday, about 2 weeks after we met in person. I met his when they came to visit about a month and a half into the relationship, and then about 2 weeks later again when we went for a family get-together. Sleep in the same place- about a month in. Live together- we won't officially do that for a long time yet, as he's going to school about an hour away and my job is here. Probably in a year and a half or so, when he comes back to town to finish the degree locally, or sooner if I relocate to his college town. Not sure on this one- I lived with both of my exes before, the first one after a year of dating, the second one after 2 weeks. It'll happen when it happens. Plan a wedding- probably after a proposal takes place. We've discussed it theoretically, and have pretty similar ideas as to the cost, etc., but he's been engaged twice before (never married, the girl always initiated a breakup after the proposal) so he's a bit gun-shy. We both do want to be married and have children someday- again, it'll happen when it happens. Involve in a child's life- N/A on this one. Combine finances- we currently take turns taking each other out to eat, or loan each other money if/when we need it. I have a lot of debt that I'm gonna take care of while he's away at school, and he will be incurring some debt of his own in the form of student loans. I would say that we would take joint responsibility for bills etc. once we move in together at some future point- but I don't expect or want him to pay for any of my financial stupidity. I like the idea of a joint account for mortgage, cars, bills, groceries, etc. and individual accounts for the rest of our own individually hard-earned money. I don't have any hard-and-fast rules that I apply to all relationships or situations- it really does depend on the other person and their own ideas and preferences. He and I had a great discussion on this a while back- the conclusion we came up with is that we have to work together as a team and make decisions as a team. After a heated debate centered around parenting issues, I agreed to never put him in a position of helplessness, and he agreed not to be inflexible and unbending. The bottom line- these are questions that are best answered together, in a spirit of teamwork and compromise.
littlekitty Posted November 3, 2005 Posted November 3, 2005 About how long are you in a relationship, before you consider it serious? How soon do you: Meet parents Sleep in the same place Live together Plan a wedding Involve the new person in your children's lives ( if this applies) Combine finances It's serious when you're both taking it seriously! For me and my boyfriend this was quite quickly. We know how we feel, we've both been around long enough to know we have something special, and we want a future together. Meet parents: He met mine on the first date, I popped into home as we were in my home town, he was happy to come in and meet them, although I did give him a choice! I met his the next time they were down from Norwich, about a month in. Sleep in the same place: Once we sleep together! Whats the point of getting up and going home to a cold bed!! Live together: We're planning this for Jan, about 9 months into our relationship. We said about a year, but we're happy that we want to do this. Plan a wedding: We hope to be doing this about a year after we move in. We want to live together happily for a year and be sure before we take this road. Involve the new person in your children's lives: He has a son, we met very soon as he has him at least one night every weekend. But then we are very sure about our feelings, and if we hadn't have been, we wouldn't have done this so quickly. Also his son is only 1.5 yrs, so it's a little easier. Combine finances: To a point when we move in, although I will continue to own my house alone, he'll be renting from me!! More so when we marry. But we will both always have our own accounts too. I would say as and when you're happy and ready to do things.. do them!
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